Category: The Sun
The Senate Passes A Bill That Would Make Daylight Saving Time Permanent
Yesterday the U.S. Senate unanimously passed the Sunshine Protection Act, a measure that would make Daylight Saving Time permanent across the United States. So no more falling back or springing forward! The clocks will remain the same, the sun shines later than 5:00 PM, seasonal affective disorder is cured, all early evening crime will cease, and the little children will dance on the streets! Oh my god… do I… love the U.S. government? Continue reading
Rebekah Vardy’s Libel Suit Claims Coleen Rooney Regularly Leaked Her Own Business To The Sun
Details of the libel suit filed by Rebekah Vardy (above) against her fellow WAG (footballer’s wife) and one time Instagram “close friend” Coleen Rooney have been revealed. In her suit, Rebekah claims to know exactly who was really responsible for selling Coleen’s personal information to The Sun and insists, as she has all along, that it wasn’t her.
It’s…………. Coleen Rooney herself!
The Latest Evidence Presented In Johnny Depp’s Libel Suit Against The Sun Is A Mess
Semen and pussy juice are the only bodily fluids left standing that haven’t been explicitly discussed in open court in the never-ending legal drama between Johnny Depp (seen above, I think, in a courtroom sketch), Amber Heard and The Sun. But they are implied. In day two of the libel trial of Johnny vs The Sun, the moon, and everything in between, photographic evidence was given alleging that Johnny’s breakfast of choice includes a pint glass full of whiskey, four lines of cocaine snorted with a tampon applicator and a Keith Richards CD, which is why Keith is trending today on Twitter. It was also alleged that Johnny once scrawled “I love you” in blood from his severed finger on a mirror and that he once hit Amber for making fun of his Wino Forever tattoo. And, according to Page Six, Johnny admitted to calling Amber “a go-getter slut and a whore,” because he was convinced she was having an affair with James Franco, who Johnny says Amber once called “creepy and rapey.” However, he has so far adamantly denied he committed any of the 14 instances of physical assault presented by the defense (via Page Six). Hey, at least there was no talk of human feces on the docket this time!