Chris Brown Is Fighting With Soulja Boy Over Karrueche Tran

Chris Brown has been lying relatively low lately. Chris reminded us that he’s still the worst back in September, which is like two decades in Chris Brown Shitty Behavior years. He was denying that CPS was watching his parenting skills. Chris Brown clearly wanted to make up for lost time, because he’s back and he’s brought threats of assault on rapper Soulja Boy with him. So much for “new year, new you.”

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Alicia Keys Went SANS FARDS On The BET Awards Red Carpet

During a recent Lenny Letter essay titled Time to Uncover, Alicia Keys wrote about how she was taking a break from makeup because she didn’t “want to cover up anymore.” Alicia is clearly very serious about the whole #nomakeup thing, because last night she sashayed onto the red carpet of the BET Awards in a face covered in nothing.

Alicia is one of the very lucky few who can do #nomakeup and still look like a human person. Her skin/eyes/mouth/eyebrows all look like what they’re supposed to. When I do no makeup, I look like something from a remake of Eraserhead by Harmony Korine. My mouth looks like a Biggest Loser before-and after of an awkward pink slug. My eyes like two puffy slits with creepy little see-through lashes. The two patchy hairlike skidmarks above my eyes that can barely be classified as eyebrows (my eyebrows truly bring shame to the Dlisted family). So, good for you for going without makeup, Alicia. And if she really wants to make it a permanent thing, I would volunteer to take any and all makeup she decides to get rid of. I very clearly need it.

Alicia also carried the low-maintenance theme into her ensemble as well.

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I Don’t Know If Joseph Gordon-Levitt Loves Stars Wars Or Hates It

I’ll get to the people who were actually in Star Wars: The Force Awakens in a minute, but first, here’s some of the messes who weren’t in the movie but showed up because they either wanted to see it for free or they wanted to get their picture taken. Or both!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt led the LOOK AT ME train by showing up to the premiere in Hollywood looking like what I think is supposed to be Yoda? What in the hell kind of GD Yoda is that? Dude looks more like somebody’s mom answering the front door on a Sunday morning with a seaweed mask on her face. It looks like Shrek shot a 6-day load on his face. If the tip of JGL’s nerd boner gets moist for Star Wars, he should’ve tried a little bit harder. A hotel bathrobe, Grinch pajama bottoms from T.J. Maxx, converse and a baby poop face mask does not make a Yoda costume. Maybe JGL not-so-secretly hates Star Wars and his fuck effort outfit is his way of saying, “This shit is stupid.” Whatever the case may be, he should’ve been arrested for this.

Both Sofia Vergara and Maria Menonous wore Princess Leia-like hairstyles, and Jaime King, the den mother of Taylor Swift’s squad, also got an invitation for some reason and I don’t think she came dressed as one of the characters. I mean, I guess Jaime King can say she came dressed as a trick who had a one-night-stand with Chewbacca and made an outfit out of a bed sheet and his huge tuxedo shirt for the walk home. Will Taylor Swift please increase Jaime’s allowance so bitch can buy a real outfit? Jaime’s WTF ensemble is in the gallery as well as pictures of Karreuche Tran (???) and Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s latest piece. Attention Whores: The Thirst Awakens!

Pics: Wenn.com, Getty

These Two Are At It Again

Because OF COURSE they are! I’m going to be 92 years old and still reading shit like “Guess who got into a messy screaming match during a shuffleboard game last night?” So, remember that time a few weeks ago when Chris Brown followed his ex-girlfriend Karrueche Tran to a club, crawled into her car, and showed up to her house at 3:30am screaming? Well, they’re still not done fighting about that.

According to E!, it all started right after Chris Brown heard about a recent interview Karrueche did with Access Hollywood, in which she discussed the status of their relationship. Chris responded to it the only way he knows how: by dragging her on Instagram.

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Chris Brown Got Into A Dramatic Screaming Fight With Karrueche Tran Early This Morning

According to TMZ, Chris Brown spent most of last night proving he’s still as awful as ever by getting into a loud screaming match with his ex-girlfriend Karrueche Tran outside her house at 3am. Yeah, someone should inform Chris Brown that that’s not typically how you win someone back.

The tragic tale of unrequited douche love began last night when Chris Brown decided to show up to a club he knew Karreuche would be at in his new Lamborghini. He then got a VIP table next to hers, something she wasn’t having, so she decided to leave. That’s when Chris Brown decided to follow her and her friends outside and get into their car, abandoning his Lamborghini. “Uh…he only pulls that shit with cars, right?” thought the mother of Chris Brown’s baby. You can see Chris sort of push his way in and hear someone tell him to “Get out of the car” around the 0:54 mark below.

Sadly, he didn’t get very far; “sources” say Karrueche was pissed off at him and dumped his ass at a friend’s house on the way home. Then around 3:30am, Karrueche had a Say Anything moment when she heard some noise outside her house and saw Chris Brown standing there. Except instead of holding a boombox playing “In Your Eyes“, he was screaming like a raged-up maniac and slamming his fists against her door.

Karrueche wouldn’t let Chris Brown inside, and eventually the police showed up. But they didn’t charge Chris Brown with anything, because he hadn’t really committed a crime. Once they left, Karrueche agreed to meet Chris at a diner so they could talk. Naturally, the screaming kept on going at the diner, so Karrueche left and went home.

There’s so much of this story that is a damn MESS, but the messiest part to me is what happened in the diner. Chris did that diner dirty. A 24-hour diner is a place for stuffing as many eggs and toasts and syrup-soaked pancakes into your mouth as possible in an attempt to prevent the next-level hangover you’re going to get the next day, not for screaming at your ex. RUDE!

Here’s Chris following Karrueche out of the club last night. I will say this: I am feeling Karrueche’s Guns N’ Roses out-of-town groupie couture.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Chris Brown Really Misses Karrueche Tran And Is Trying To Win Her Back

Despite the fact that their relationship was the definition of MESS and that only four months ago he was calling her a Drake-humping ho on Instagram, TMZ says that Chris Brown is trying to woo back his ex-girlfriend Karrueche Tran after she dumped his ass for making a baby with another chick while they were together. His plan of action? Calling and texting her and her friends non-stop and kissing her ass on social media. Even Amber Rose is like “I dunno, I think you might be coming off a little desperate.”

Sources say that Chris is beyond desperate to get Karrueche back, I guess because he’s striking out with the ladies on CrappyBoyfriendMatch.com or something. But rather than wait it out and hope she starts to miss being the girlfriend of Chris Brown (unlikely), he decided to take the obsessed weirdo route, like using Instagram to cry about how “lonely” he is and to leave compliments on Karrueche’s posts.

Unfortunately, Karrueche still wants nothing to do with him and has been completely ignoring him. Damn, that might be the smartest thing Karrueche Tran has ever done regarding Chris Brown.

I wonder why Chris Brown is so desperate to get Karrueche Tran back? My guess is that he’s trying to line up an experienced baby sitter for when his Baby Mama moves in down the street. I mean, she’d be perfect – if she could put up with Chris Brown’s temper tantrums for all those years, she can definitely handle a cranky baby for a couple hours.

Pic: Instagram