The DiCaprio Foster Home For Wayward Models can boast about yet another success story with the news Kelly Rohrbach has been officially adopted into her forever home by Walmart heir Steuart Walton. TMZ reports that Kelly, who starred in that Baywatch movie, and Steuart were married a couple of weeks ago in Florida. Kelly and Leonardo DiCaprio only dated for a few months in 2016 and broke up because somebody told People that she was “one of the biggest super models in the world” and therefore too busy to maintain the relationship. She also just so happened to have had the misfortune of turning 25 that year. One of those facts is quantifiable.
I wonder if it fills Leonardo DiCaprio with a little bit of pride every time he hears that another one of his former blonde models has managed to successfully land a new famous boyfriend. “Look Lukas, it says here she’s with a quarterback! Oh I’m just so proud.”
A little less than a month after we learned that Aaron Rodgers and Olivia Munn are done, we’re hearing that he may have already moved on to model Kelly Rohrbach. TMZ says that 33-year-old Aaron and 27-year-old Kelly were seen at a golf club in Los Angeles. Sources say they were holding hands and “looked flirty,” but stopped once they realized people were watching them. I have no idea how you look flirty while playing golf, and I am someone who plays golf (I like to drive the cart!).
Aaron Rodgers On Golf Date with 'Baywatch' Actress Kelly Rohrbach (PHOTO) https://t.co/vIupdQp7F6
— TMZ (@TMZ) April 28, 2017
An insider tells Terez Owens that Aaron and Kelly hit it off and are in the early stages of romance, adding that they “just clicked.” Oh, they clicked, alright – clicked “AGREE” on the standard-issue relationship contract sent to them by their publicists. No, I’m sure they’re absolutely smitten with each other. But the real question is how Aaron’s family will feel about Kelly. Aaron’s family didn’t like Olivia Munn because she made Aaron go all “Hollywood.” Kelly isn’t just a blonde bikini model; she’s also an aspiring actress who appears in that upcoming Baywatch movie. Yeah, I don’t think I’d want to be around when they find out about Kelly. A model-slash-actress who once dated Leo? You really can’t get any more Hollywood than that.
Yeah, get out of there, shirt! Go find some self-conscious shark with manboobs who needs you. Zac Efron and his ripped Wrestling Champions body don’t need you.
Based on the pictures taken on the Baywatch movie set last March, it looked like Zac would spend the entire movie shirtless. The trailer, which was released today, has determined that was a lie. Zac wears a shirt, he wears a leather jacket. The Rock, on the other hand, is only in a couple shirts. That might not be intentional. Paramount clearly blew all their budget on the amazing green screen effects at the 0:20 and 1:37 marks, which means they probably didn’t have a whole lot of money left over for The Rock’s custom-made shirts in size-PM (python arms). Regardless of the shirt situation, this trailer makes Baywatch the movie look almost as cheesy as Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding, ergo I’m kind of into it.
The Rock plays Mitch Buchannon, one of Leonardo DiCaprio’s former girlfriends (Kelly Rohrbach) plays a less silicone-y CJ Parker, Priyanka Chopra makes a quick 0.6-second appearance as someone who never hit the gym once during filming. And Zac plays a douchey gold medal-winning brah swimmer with Sun-In streaks who loves to party. Technically he plays Matt Brody, but that’s not exactly the Matt Brody I remember from the Baywatch TV series. Hmmm…I wonder who this new Matt Brody could be based on? I guess we’ll only know for sure if Paramount releases a second trailer showing The Rock catching Zac’s character pissing on the walls of the lifeguard station bathroom.
That picture of Leonardo DiCatchAHo is from the L.A. premiere of The Revenant last month. We should’ve known that his model-hungry dick was on the loose again, because that twinkle in his eyes tell me that he’s looking forward to jumping into an ocean full of blonde model poon to find his new piece-of-the-moment.
In “This Has Happened Before And It Will Happen Again” news, People says that 41-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio and his girlfriend of a few months Kelly Rohrbach are done. No, things didn’t come to an end after Leonardo spotted a disgusting wrinkle growing on her 25-year-old face and immediately called Sports Illustrated to have her replaced with a newer and fresher model. A “source” tells People that they are both just so, so busy. Leonardo is busy hustling his ass hard for that Oscar and Kelly’s busy doing what exactly I don’t know…
“They have been broken up for a few months now. They are very friendly and it’s super amicable. They are both so busy and he’s got a big movie coming out and she’s one of the biggest super models in the world. There is no other person in the picture.”
That source was either Kelly, Kelly’s publicist or someone who doesn’t know what the words “biggest,” “supermodel” and “world” mean.
I’ll get to the people who were actually in Star Wars: The Force Awakens in a minute, but first, here’s some of the messes who weren’t in the movie but showed up because they either wanted to see it for free or they wanted to get their picture taken. Or both!
Joseph Gordon-Levitt led the LOOK AT ME train by showing up to the premiere in Hollywood looking like what I think is supposed to be Yoda? What in the hell kind of GD Yoda is that? Dude looks more like somebody’s mom answering the front door on a Sunday morning with a seaweed mask on her face. It looks like Shrek shot a 6-day load on his face. If the tip of JGL’s nerd boner gets moist for Star Wars, he should’ve tried a little bit harder. A hotel bathrobe, Grinch pajama bottoms from T.J. Maxx, converse and a baby poop face mask does not make a Yoda costume. Maybe JGL not-so-secretly hates Star Wars and his fuck effort outfit is his way of saying, “This shit is stupid.” Whatever the case may be, he should’ve been arrested for this.
Both Sofia Vergara and Maria Menonous wore Princess Leia-like hairstyles, and Jaime King, the den mother of Taylor Swift’s squad, also got an invitation for some reason and I don’t think she came dressed as one of the characters. I mean, I guess Jaime King can say she came dressed as a trick who had a one-night-stand with Chewbacca and made an outfit out of a bed sheet and his huge tuxedo shirt for the walk home. Will Taylor Swift please increase Jaime’s allowance so bitch can buy a real outfit? Jaime’s WTF ensemble is in the gallery as well as pictures of Karreuche Tran (???) and Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s latest piece. Attention Whores: The Thirst Awakens!
Pics: Wenn.com, Getty
Leonardo DiCatchAHo threw a gala for his foundation in St. Tropez yesterday and going by what Michelle Rodriguez put on her body, you’d think the theme was “Goth Granny Got Tangled Up In Her Curtain” glamour. I didn’t know you could vape crack. I mean, I’m guessing that’s what she’s vaping and I’m also guessing that she vaped it before she decided to do herself up like a budget model in a Frederick’s of Hollywood fashion show held in a mall in Transylvania.
I don’t even know why Michelle Rodriguez bothered wearing that busted ass curtain with the garbage bag flowers on it. She should’ve just showed up in black granny chonies, a tube top and her vape pen. Now that would’ve been a true look of elegance and she would’ve been the best dressed bitch at that gala. Before going out, MRod needed to take a good look in a full-length mirror and ask herself, “Would Kylie Jenner wear this to a funeral?” The answer is obviously an ALL-CAPS, bolded YES. That would’ve been MRod’s cue to take off the thing, douse it in gasoline, burn it, put its ashes in a box weighted down with rocks and take a boat out into the middle of the ocean to dump it. Purge the thing!
Anyway, here more pictures from last night’s gala, which raised more than $40 million, including some of Leonardo Seagal, his latest piece Kelly Rohrsomethingoranother and exquisite Swedish blossom Victoria Silvstedt.