Category: Justin Bieber
Open Post: Hosted By Justin Bieber Showing Off His Buzzcut After Getting Rid Of His Locs
Justin Bieber managed to keep the crusty critters on his head alive longer than he kept his Savannah cats Tuna and Sushi out of harm’s way, but alas, even his struggle locs finally had to be re-homed. Justin has shaved his head and no longer looks like a troll doll that got kicked under the couch in 1991 and stayed under there collecting dust and mites for 30 years. I mean at least from the neck up. He might still have a weird pot belly and no knees for all I know, but I’m not checking.
Gen Z And Justin Bieber Have Helped Crocs’ Stock More Than Double
Well Gen Z has finally found a way to make me side with the Boomers on something, CBC reports that Crocs have made a comeback. The hideous foam shoe which I accept on people in high-stress fields where they walk around a lot and spend time on their feet but almost no one else, has seen a surge in popularity during the pandemic and stock prices have more than doubled. Screw Bitcoin and NFTs, time to invest in Crocs!
Open Post: Hosted By Victoria Beckham Saying She’d “Rather Die” Than Wear Justin Bieber’s Crocs
E! News says that Victoria Beckham got quite the surprise gift of lilac Crocs sent to her from none other than Justin Bieber. Well, more like sent to her by the interns at whatever PR firm works for his Drew House x Crocs collaboration. It seems that someone lacking absolute sense, reason and rationality decided the woman known as Posh Spice who said she didn’t smile because of her “responsibility to the fashion community” would then turn around and stab them in the eyes with lilac Crocs. She’d “rather die” first!
Justin Bieber Got Dreadlocks Again
Welp, Halle Berry‘s baby bangs somehow wound up not being the worst hair decision of the week as Justin Bieber debuted a new style in some Instagram pictures showing off his hot new dreadlocks. That’s right, they’re back! The hideously tangled tendrils which Justin tried in a bleach blonde form back in 2016 have resurfaced with a vengeance the strength of which we haven’t seen since Gone Girl. I think this is what Chet Haze was talking about when he burped up “White Boy Summer.”
Open Post: Hosted By Justin Bieber Crooning “I’m So Lonely” To Prisoners
Justin Bieber‘s real career is hosting Open Post, but he took time off last month from his busy perch over here to drag his latest pastor and pimped-out RV over to California State Prison in L.A. County and inflict his screechy, pubescent Peter Brady voice on the prisoners there in order to… I dunno… make them try to think up ways to mercy-rig their face masks to cover their ailing ear holes while still complying with regulations?
Who among us doesn’t already feel like a lonely prisoner when subjected to one of his songs? This whole venture was clearly an exercise in redundancy, but that didn’t stop Biebs from belting out crude notes and even fitting in some shady religious shenanigans, because the more he can emulate Kanye West, the more credibility he’ll cram into his toy box. Or something. His visit’s main purpose was to support the prison’s faith-based programs, and the caterwaul session was something of a bonus.
Justin Bieber Says The First Year Of His Marriage To Hailey Bieber Was “Tough”
Justin Bieber recently spoke to GQ about his latest album, Justice, aka the one that got Justin a bunch of side-eyes for sampling several speeches by Martin Luther King Jr. (even if MLK’s family is ok with it). And because GQ’s theme for their cover story was Justin Bieber’s continued redemption tour, they spoke about all the ways his life has changed and evolved from the obnoxious little brat with too much money and floppy hair, to a spiritual Jesus-loving husband with too much money and floppy hair. One big part of Justin’s personal life transformation sort of happened around the time he got married to Hailey Bieber. Justin and Hailey are still going strong after nearly two and a half years. But that’s not to say it’s been all happy Instagram selfies and romantic couples Bible studies since they said “I do.” According to Justin, things were really hard during that first year.