Category: Guilty
Rod Stewart And His Son Sean Stewart Have Pleaded Guilty To Battery
We should have known dark times were ahead when the year 2020 started off not with a bang, but with a whimper as Rod Stewart and his failed reality TV star son Sean Stewart were charged with battery for assaulting a security guard who was posted at a private children’s party they tried to crash at a resort in Palm Beach, Florida on New Year’s Eve. Now, nearly three years have passed and more than five million souls have been lost to a deadly disease that swept the globe, shaking humanity to its very core. But hark! A glimmer of hope appears on the horizon. Page Six reports that Sean and Rod have both pleaded GUILTY of simple battery, signaling an end to our collective nightmare as we know it. Yes, millions more may die, but according to Rod’s attorney, “neither man will face jail time, fines, or probation.” An early Christmas miracle? Perhaps, perhaps. Or it could just be a sign that the earth is healing and everything is as it should be. For rich people. The rest of us are still screwed. Sorry!
Drake Bell Has Pleaded Guilty To Child Endangerment
Earlier this month, the number of famous music industry Drakes that underage girls should be warned about doubled when news broke that Drake Bell had been arrested in Ohio for allegedly endangering a child and disseminating matter harmful to juveniles. It sounds like we can stop using the word “allegedly,” because Drake just pleaded guilty to the charges against him.
Lori Loughlin And Mossimo Giannulli Pleaded Guilty Via Zoom
Well it’s official. Lori Loughlin is not not a felon. She and her husband Mossimo Giannulli logged onto Zoom this morning and pleaded guilty to charges stemming from inflated egos and too much damn money. As expected, after agreeing to a plea deal, Lori and Mossimo pleaded guilty to federal charges as a result of their efforts to get their daughters Oliva Jade and Isabella Rose Giannulli into USC on a fake crew scholarship even though, as one reporter put it, “neither rowed nor coxed competitively,” which, are you sure? I’ve coxed competitively, it’s not that hard. Additionally, while neither of them pleaded to it, Lori and Mossimo are both guilty of multiple counts of gross dumbassery for not taking a plea deal in the first place.
Michael Avenatti Has Been Convicted Of Extortion In His Nike Case
And to think, not too long ago Michael Avenatti thought he might fuck around and run for President in 2020. Oh how times have changed. According to CNBC, Michael has just been found guilty on three charges “related to his efforts to extort up to $25 million from athletic apparel giant Nike.” Not that long ago I was comparing Michael to Icarus flying too close to the sun so he could punch it in the face. I guess it’s only fitting that he was ultimately done in by another winged Greek God. Strangled by a Hermes scarf. Such a shame.
Felicity Huffman Pleaded Guilty For Her Role In “Operation Varsity Blues”
Because she apparently only has one good black blazer to her name, Felicity Huffman made the decision to avoid a trial and, as expected, pleaded guilty for her role in Operation Varsity Blues this morning in Boston. According to the Associated Press, Felicity arrived in court escorted by her brother Moore Huffman Jr., instead of her husband William H. Macy (who was not charged with any crime other than impersonating an old west sheriff), which is a shame because you can never have enough clowns at a 3-ring circus, which is exactly what this scandal has become.
Prosecutors Accuse Bill Cosby Of Trying To Delay His Sentencing
This rotten trick still believes he’s untouchable. Bill Cosby already got a decades long pass on facing any consequences whatsoever for allegedly drugging and assaulting scores of women. It wasn’t until one of those women, Andrea Constand, finally got him convicted of three counts of aggravated indecent assault that The Coz finally got his ass handed to him (God knows nobody else wants those deflated trouser pancakes). Cosby has been chilling at home with his doting wife Camille Cosby at his side, but now that his sentencing hearing is coming right up, he’s digging in his heels and claiming the judge who presided over his retrial was biased against him.