Emma Thompson Isn’t Here For Actors Who Get Work Just Because They’re Popular On Twitter

Thanks to Calvin Klein, I know that models nowadays book jobs based on how many people follow them on Instagram. Although I wasn’t aware that there was a hiring practice in Hollywood where your chances of getting cast in a movie were higher if you included your social media stats on the back of your headshot. But apparently that’s a thing, and Emma Thompson isn’t happy about it.

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This Trailer For “Bridget Jones’s Baby” Needs Some Maury In It

The last Bridget Jones’ movie came out over 11 years ago, but because the “crying lonely tears on a log of raw cookie dough after a break-up” set will throw their money at a third movie, a third movie has been shot and the one-time master squinter formerly known as Squinty Zellweger debuted the first trailer on Ellen today. As anyone who has been following this shit knows, they threw out the plot of the third Bridget Jones book and did a new story based on the columns that author Helen Fielding wrote for The Independent in 2005.

In Bridget Jones’s Baby, Bridget is still an awkward klutz, but now she’s a 40-year-old awkward klutz who is knocked up with a Maury baby. Bridget doesn’t know if the dude who raw-dogged a baby into her womb is her ex-husband (yeah ex) Mark Darcy or a hot billionaire piece played by Patrick Dempsey. Bridget tells both of them that they’re the father and HIJINKS (including HIJINKS involving Dr. Emma Thompson) ensue! I know, Bridget Jones really needs a shameless gold digger friend in her life to advise her that she needs to tell Patrick Dempsey that he’s really the father, and if the baby comes out looking like Darcy in the face, take the baby on a long-visit to her mom’s house (read: take the baby to get back alley plastic surgery to look like Patrick Dempsey in the face). Heather Mills would’ve played the role of the gold digger friend flawlessly. What a missed opportunity!

And I’m really surprised that the UK hasn’t announced that they’re experiencing a Vaseline shortage, because it’s obvious that every jar was smeared on all of the camera lenses while making this.

Pics: Wenn.com

Emma Thompson’s Description Of Britain Sounds Delicious

I have many reasons to be jealous of Emma Thompson (complete lack of fucks, access to good booze), but today it’s her ability to remain so calm and collected around cake. Whenever I get near a slice of cake, I turn into Dario the Leonberger. Also what kind of cake is that? It looks delicious. (Note from Michael: Remind me to text Allison directions to her nearest LensCrafters, because she needs an emergency eye exam if she thinks that baked baby diarrhea cake looks good.)

But back to why we’re talking about cake. Britain will be holding a referendum soon-ish to decide whether or not they want to remain a member of the European Union. Of course, lots of famous Brits are being asked what they think of it. On Monday, Emma Thompson was asked about the possibility of Britain quitting the EU during a press conference in Berlin for her movie Alone in Berlin. 

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Emma Thompson Advocates Solving The #OscarsSoWhite Problem With Murder

Good for her. I see Emma Thompson and I are both writing Babs Johnson’s name on the presidential ballot come November. As reported by London Live (via Vanity Fair), The Grand Duchess of DontGiveAFuck-stan (Exhibit A: that outfit) was attending the British Film Awards when she was asked about this year’s pale and tragic Oscar nominations. Q: How would you solve the lack of diversity at the Oscars, Em? A: Kill em’ all and let Bruce Vilanch sort it out!

“Let’s face it, the Oscar membership is mainly old, white men. That’s the fact of it. So, either you wait for them all to die,” said before jokingly offering up another option. “Or kill them off slowly—I mean, I don’t know. There’s so many options, aren’t there?”

There really are – bludgeoning, stabbing, shooting, riding lawn mower, wedgies…(no, for real)

Nanny McPhee’s got a point despite her newly admitted tendency towards sadism. “Slowly?” Yeesh.

Emma also described the whole controversy as “hilarious,” noting that “it’s no change there. It’s not as if [the Oscar nominations have] ever been awash with people of color.” Emma doesn’t just throw shoes, she throws truth!

Check out more pics of Emma Thompson at the press night for Guys and Dolls at the Savoy Theater in London last month in the gallery.

Pics: WENN

And The Best Dressed Of The Critics’ Choice Awards Goes To…

Even The Mighty O is intrigued by this black-swan-casket-skirt-biker-shorts disaster.

The best way to wear black Spandex biker shorts is to wear them under shredded jean shorts with a Body Glove tank top and British Knights. The second best way to wear black Spandex biker shorts is to wear them under a dress that looks like an ornate gothic nightie that was scrunched up in the corner of an attic and was used as a bed by a bunch of crows. Adele Exarchopoulos knows what I’m talking about. Adele Exarchopoulos won Best Young Actor at the Critics’ Choice Awards in Santa Monica for her performance in Coochie Is The Warmest Color and she made every Academy voter fist themselves without lube for not nominating her for Best Actress. If she wore this to a third tier awards show, imagine what she would’ve worn to the OSCAHS! When dressing for the Critics’ Choice Awards, hos usually stroll to their dirty laundry basket, pick up whatever’s at the top and put it on. They do their makeup in the car. They don’t give three shits while dressing for that crap. So if Adele wore this, I’m guessing she would’ve worn a Hypercolor catsuit and Airwalk Jim heels to the Oscars.

Adele looks like she was cycling in a race when she crashed into a walking funeral procession for a fallen drag queen before landing into a bunch of black pigeons taking a nap together. It is the look. You can never go wrong with sequins and biker shorts.

Here’s more pictures from that shit last night including Jeremy Renner pinching his nipples for the photographers and Abigail Breslin looking like a 50-year-old brothel madam.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Emma Thompson Was Last Night’s Classiest Drunk

I don’t even care if Emma Thompson was playing up the drunky angle for shits and giggles last night when she presented the Best Screenplay category holding a cocktail in one hand and her heels in the other. She’s been around forever and there are probably only so many boring awards shows you can attend before you have to up the entertainment factor for yourself. If making the jerk off motion behind Kevin Spacey gets old or if Julia Roberts finally realizes you’re the one who’s been making those horse noises that get progressively louder until she turns around, playing the trashed card is all that’s left.

Emma had already earned my “that’s it, we can all go home” vote last night before she even rambled through her category introduction like she was at a DUI checkpoint trying to convince a police officer she’d only had two drinks. The footage of her ass sprinting down the red carpet put Emma this close to unseating Ouiser Boudreaux as my idol (who, by the way, would have fit in perfectly screeching “are you hiiiiigh?” at Matthew McConaughey while he was on stage).

(Pics: Fame Flynet, Wenn)