Category: Election
John Legend Called Out “Your Former Favorite Rappers” At A Biden/Harris Rally
While performing at a campaign event supporting the Biden/Harris ticket in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania last night, John Legend took a moment to call Donald Trump’s Platinum Plan for Black America “nothing but fool’s gold” and then went in on “some of your former favorite rappers,” like Lil Wayne, for falling for that shit. John went on to say “The president isn’t strong, he’s a coward.” Ha! Goes to show what he knows. Would a coward call notorious gangster and all-around scary dude Lil Pump, “Little Pimp” TO HIS FACE in the same tone used to call a shy kitten over for a sip of milk? Because that’s just what the president did in front of a crowd of hundreds of unmasked supporters, so you tell me, who’s a coward now Mr. John Legend!? Lil Pump might be all of 4’10″ and 98 pounds soaking wet (76 lbs after his locks dry) but he’s earned his respect the hard way— on the mean streets of Copenhagen.
Today In Choo-Choo News: Lil Wayne Has Boarded The Trump Train
Well this is shocking. Who could have imagined that a universally revered and respected man who’s dedicated his life and career to selflessly fighting for civil rights and justice, sacrificing his own financial well-being in the process, and literally putting his life on the line is pursuit of these noble principals such as (*checks notes*) Lil Wayne, has endorsed Donald Trump. I can hear John Lewis now, wherever he may be – “WHHAT?!” Oh, wait sorry, that was Lil Jon. John Lewis is resting in power and wants nothing to do with this mess.
Kim Kardashian Claims She Took Care Of Kanye West When He Had COVID-19
When we last left Kanye West’s STUNT QUEEN presidential campaign, we learned he has wasted $6 million of his own money on his campaign and managed to get on the ballot in 12 states (Arkansas, Colorado, Idaho, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Minnesota, Mississippi, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Utah, and Vermont). Kanye is also on the ballot in California, but as VP. Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian is doing her own campaigning for the title of Devoted Wife, because I guess she wants us all to ignore the non-stop divorce rumors and think she was a regular Khlorence Knightingale when Kanye allegedly had coronavirus.
Kanye West Was Kicked Off The Illinois Ballot And His Wisconsin Paperwork Is Being Contested
Even with the help of the GOP, regrettably one of the most powerful (if inept) organizations in the country right now, Kanye West’s Birthday Party clown campaign keeps creampieing itself in the face. According to Business Insider, Kanye’s bid to get on the Wisconsin ballot with the help of one of Donald Trump’s personal campaign lawyers is being challenged by the Democratic Party who claim “he submitted his nomination papers late and used bogus signatures,” which included “Mickey Mouse” and “Bernie Sanders.” Additionally, the New York Post reports that he’s been kicked off the Illinois ballot, his home state, after officials found that “1,900 of the 3,128 signatures West submitted are invalid.” OK, haha, who sent in R. Kelly’s crayon writing practice worksheets from jail as a joke? Not cool, man. He’s doing his best!
Last Night’s Episode Of “South Park” Was Re-Written Last Minute To Reflect Trump’s Win
Just like pretty much everyone else, Trey Parker and Matt Stone were positive that Hillary Clinton was going to win. They were so positive that they wrote Wednesday night’s episode of South Park around it. Season 20’s seventh episode, “The Very First Gentleman“, was supposed to air last night and be about Bill Clinton. Of course, it didn’t take long on election night to realize that the First Spouse spot was going to Slovenian trophy wife Melania Trump and they had to start over with less than 24-hours till airtime. Trey Parker and Matt Stone were living my recurring nightmare in which I’m back in high school and have an hour before my presentation on Laura Secord is due.
Katy Perry Will Get Naked To Get You To Vote On November 8
A lot of famous people promised last week that if everyone got out on voting day and made sure that Donald Trump didn’t become the president we’d get to see Mark Ruffalo’s weiner. I figured that the guarantee of seeing DILF dick was enough to send everybody running to register, but there are clearly still some people out there who need convincing that they should vote on November 8th. Katy Perry’s got them covered. Which, ironically, she’s doing while covered only by black censor bars.