RuPaul brought some flaming hot baldness to Jimmy Kimmel Live! as he filled in for Jimmy Kimmel. Ru of course did the whole monologue schtick and touched on the hot topics going on in the world including anti-makers losing it on planes. And in true drag queen fashion, Ru had some advice for how to deal with those such people: shutting them the fuck down. You see the only time Ru doesn’t want you wearing a mask for your safety is if he and his fellow RuPaul’s Drag Race judges need to see your lips moving to make sure you know all the words to Ariana Grande‘s Greedy.
Yesterday’s National Sporting Event has me convinced that American has officially lost the plot in regards to the coronavirus pandemic and now Alexa is just going to go ahead and finish the story and will ping us when The End is out for delivery. And it wasn’t just the Super Bowl, our national need for spectacle, pandemic be damned, extended well past the football field and super-spread out into the streets. CNN reports that a Diplo headlined a party held at Tampa’s WTR Bar & Grill at The Godfrey Hotel on Saturday, was a particularly egregious event that drew thousands of drunken, maskless maniacs and upset officials. But don’t worry, looks like Diplo has been vaccinated for COVID-19 so he’ll probably be fine. But most of us are fucked.
Yesterday we found out what happens when you cross Tom Cruise. Surprisingly, he is not very chill about it. Like AT. ALL. When audio was leaked of him flipping his wig at a couple of crew members who broke COVID safety protocols by standing too close to each other on the set of Mission Impossible 7 in the UK, I couldn’t help but recall that picture of a radiant and triumphant Nicole Kidman twirling Sound Of Music style in a parking lot after signing her divorce papers. And according to Page Six, after a second on-set outburst, five MI7 crew members have also decided to quit a bitch and let their inner Julie Andrews twirl.
The second edgiest Billionaire who ever did edge, Elon Musk (Howard Hughes retains the #1 spot), might have come down with COVID-19, the hippest diagnosis of the year. But Elon’s not just gonna Tweet about it like some common celebrity and let this golden opportunity slip away without making a quasi-political, pseudo-scientific point about it! According to The Verve, after getting tested four times with conflicting results, Elon’s tin foil hat got to tingling and he Tweeted “something extremely bogus is going on.” Why Elon chose to get tested at a Circle K in San Dimas, we’ll never know.
After calling coronavirus “the great equalizer,” Madonna seems intent on making that a reality by trying to give as many people as possible the chance to develop COVID-19 antibodies, like she allegedly has, if they are lucky enough not to die first. You can’t tell Madonna shit. Madonna gwan do what she wants and that includes packing up her entire entourage and flying to Jamaica to celebrate her 62nd birthday as if Satan himself hadn’t bukaked the entire face of the planet with his white hot COVID-19 spunk. Despite the CDC’s current recommendation that “travelers avoid all nonessential international travel to Jamaica,” Madonna said fuck it (again), and jetted off to visit Chet Hanks’ spiritual homeland with her 25-year-old boyfriend Ahlamalik Williams, her slightly younger daughter Lourdes and 7-year-old twins Stelle and Estere.
Two theater chains in Texas are the first to do the last thing I’d want to be doing during a global pandemic. I’ve seen Outbreak, thank you very much. According to Variety, EVO Entertainment and Santiko Entertainment have reopened several of their locations to the movie-going public after the governor of Texas gave the all-clear for theaters to reopen at 25% capacity as of last Friday. In addition to reduced capacity, a number of other “safety” measures have been implemented, including “airport security-style” procedures such as temperature checks, and presumably, making sure no guest brings in more than 3 oz of fluid in their lungs. Hardly seems worth the risk until you realize this may be your one and only chance to see Trolls World Tour on the big screen (even though it’s already available streaming). You know the saying, “give me liberty or give me and my entire family COVID-19.” Yes, Trolls is that good.