Madonna Called COVID-19 “The Great Equalizer” While Soaking In A Marble Tub

March 23, 2020 / Posted by:

(Like a) prayers up for Madonna, she is going through it. This coronavirus situation is worse for her than it is for most people. For example, while I feel like I’m going insane and my every waking hour is filled with existential dread, I fear that Madonna may have actually watched her very last marble slip down the drain of her luxury bathtub (fittingly, made of marble). In a recent Instagram post captioned “No-Discrimination- Covid-19!!”, Madonna expressed the dubious theory that the coronavirus is “the great equalizer” because it doesn’t care how rich or famous you are. She did this from her bathtub, dripping with jewelry and surrounded by rose petals. Madonna says “it’s made us all equal in many ways,” which, if true, means as soon as she dries off, she’s planning on converting her in-home spa into an ad-hoc hospital suite, and opening it to the public. Oh wait, what’s that Madonna? Not what you meant? Well then what the fuck are you talking about?

Here’s Madonna’s bathtub epiphany. Come for the wildly tone deaf musings of a pop star, stay for the close up shots of her eclectic jewelry and what appears to be a freshly forked face.

It’s quite telling when the Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous set get a boner from feeling like, as Madonna says, “we’re all in the same boat,” when in reality, there are far more people drowning in the water below (granted, it’s hard to see them from the lido deck of the yacht). Besides, has she never seen Titanic?! A better analogy is that we’re all on the same ocean. Some people have boats. All different kinds of boats. Some boats, like Madonna’s, are fully staffed and if something goes wrong, there’s another smaller boat they can use to get to another similarly appointed boat. Other boats are smaller and self-piloted. Others lack a motor at all and have to be paddled with a single oar. Some are taking on water. And then there are the swimmers. And they’re usually those who are least equipped to swim. So until I see Madonna standing in a rickety canoe, beating a shark in the head with an oar (and believe me I very much would love to see it), I don’t want to hear another word from her or anybody else in a yacht, talking about how we’re all in the same boat.

Speaking of yachts, Madonna’s old pal Debi Mazar has tested positive for COVID-19. According to CNN, Debi got herself tested despite being told by a “doctor/friend” that she didn’t meet the current testing criteria.

Mazar said she thought she might have either the flu or Covid-19 and asked a “doctor/friend” is she could get tested for the latter. She was told no because she didn’t meet the criteria, including not having traveled lately or been with someone who had recently been diagnosed.

“I found this kind of a CRAZY criteria for a NY’er as I had taken the subway,gone to the theater, the grocery store, the pharmacy, hair salon, etc,” she wrote. “I was the Mom who was trying to prepare the home and get supplies & bleach wipes, dry goods. extra food etc.”

Debi therefore metaphorically spoke to the manager and got a test anyway.

Mazar wrote that she found out there were tests available at a local facility in her neighborhood and was tested March 17 before being sent home and told to self-quarantine.

Here’s Debi’s COVID-19 update.

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I have just tested positive for Covid-19.I AM OK! About a month ago my entire home(husband and two teen daughters) got an odd bug- Low grade fever,headaches,sore throat,body aches,ears ringing and a dry cough.It cleared up quickly.Seasonal I thought?but it felt unusual/different… Two weeks later,March 15th,I woke up with all those same symptoms but super intense body aches,and 102.4 fever.I figured maybe I got the flu or..Corona?😬 I had had cocktails the evening prior,and smoked a few cigarettes. I figured I had jacked my immune system from having a fun night with friends.I called a doctor/friend to ask if I could get the Covid-19 test on 3/16.He said NO,I didn’t meet the criteria.I hadn’t recently traveled out of the country&I hadnt been with someone who had actually tested positive.I found this kind of a CRAZY criteria for a NY’er as I had taken the subway,gone to the theater,the grocery store,the pharmacy,hair salon,etc.I was the Mom who was trying to prepare the home and get supplies&bleach wipes,dry goods.extra food etc. Because we have Italian family in Italy and we follow the news closely,my biggest panic was why were they not closing schools in NYC &forbidding movement outside the home without permission,like China and all of Europe? Prospect Park yesterday,i hear was jumpin’! A friend told me that CityMD/Urgent Care in my neighborhood had test kits,which appealed to me as I wanted to stay away from the hospital. I went on 3/17.First I was tested for the flu-which was negative.Then they tested me for Covid-19. I was sent home and told to quarantine myself until I had results,which would take 3-7 days(in S.Korea it takes two hours) is day 5 and I just found out.Im hoping I’ve been through the worst of it already.Its very “morphy”.One day I feel crappy and the next I’m normal.Today my lungs are heavy,but I’m tough. I can breath,and I’m going to heal here,in my own home!My family is under quarantine for 14 days.They have no symptoms.I think we all had it possibly already?Who knows. Anyhow,stay home people!Protect yourselves&your loved ones.Build up your immune systems.Good Luck&God Bless us all! #alonetogether #physicaldistancing #stayhome

A post shared by Debi Mazar (@debimazar) on

I hope Debi doesn’t expect Madonna to let her board the SS No-Discrimination looking a disheveled mess like that!

Pic: Instagram

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