Category: Chet Hanks
Chet Hanks Is Getting Dragged For Claiming That It’s About To Be A ‘White Boy Summer”
Chet Hanks is Chet Hanks-ing again and has spewed out more verbal diarrhea that makes us ask, “Are we sure that Rita Wilson didn’t have an affair with Vanilla Ice back in the day?” Because Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson’s 30-year-old son is retaining his title as The Most Clueless by staking his claim on the summer of 2021 by naming it “White Boy Summer.”
Chet Hanks Hopped On Clubhouse To Defend His Use Of A Jamaican Accent
Chet Hanks has done what few of us dare to do. He has decided, firmly and resolutely, which hill he would like to die on. Bomboclaat Mountain will be Chester Marlon Hanks’ final resting place. According to Newsweek, Chet recently popped into a Clubhouse chat to vigorously defend his Jah-given rights as a white boy to continue to use a phony Jamaican patois whenever the mood strikes him because he thinks it’s hilarious. And yes, sorry folks, it looks like we’re going to have to acknowledge the existence of Clubhouse now. I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but alas, here we are.
Open Post: Hosted By Chet Haze Bringing Out His Jamaican Patois To Celebrate Joe Biden’s Win
Chet “Cool Runnings” Hanks is back with more of his highly-natural, authentic, and non-offensive Jamaican accent. Chet made headlines after he busted out the Drake-imitation at the 2020 Golden Globes and since then it’s come back a handful of times when he felt like grabbing for attention. Like when he tried hollering at Adele over her questionable outfit and Bantu knots. Well, Chet is back again to make us say: “Jamaican me crazy!” this time by trolling Donald Trump over losing the Presidential election.
Open Post: Hosted By Chet Haze Telling Adele To Give Him A Call
On Sunday, Adele caused mass Chrissy Tiegen awards-show-face after attempting to honour the corona-cancelled Notting Hill Carnival Festival by wearing Bantu knots and a Jamaican flag bikini. Then she doubled down on the questionable decision-making and posted a picture of that shit to Instagram. Where people could see it. Reactions ranged from cries of cultural appropriation to support to mockery. Said mockery included comparison to Tom Hanks’ wannabe Jamaican son, Chet “Haze” Hanks.
Chet Hanks Has Some Words For Tekashi69
Tekashi69 was recently released into house arrest, due to the coronavirus (he was in prison on charges of racketeering, conspiracy, firearms offenses, and narcotics trafficking) but he was forced to do the 23 skidoo after revealing his current address. He also dropped his latest song, “Gooba,” which quickly broke YouTube’s record for the most-watched hip-hop video in a 24-hour span, a title previously held by Eminem.
“Gooba” currently has nearly 116,689,000 views since dropping on Friday. He also currently has a recording contract worth an alleged $10 million. And he reportedly gained 700,000 new followers after returning to Instagram last month. But to poorly quote Shania Twain, that doesn’t impress Chet Hanks much, because there’s no way he’d ever trade places with Tekashi69.
“COVID-19 Survivors” Tom Hanks And Rita Wilson Are Back In The United States
Chet Hanks’ parents, Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks, are back on American soil having returned from Australia where they were being treated for COVID-19 for the past several weeks. According to USA Today, they are “on the mend,” and yesterday in an Instagram post, Rita called herself a “COVID-19 survivor,” which is a humble brag if ever I heard one. I fully expect Rita to record a cover of Destiny’s Child’s Survivor for her next adult contemporary album. Tom announced their return to the U.S. in a tweet saying they will “carry on with sheltering in place and social distancing” with the rest of America. So don’t expect to see Tom and Rita strutting around town shirt-shopping for Chet and trying not to bump into Ben and Ana. Continue reading