Chet Hanks Has Some Words For Tekashi69

May 12, 2020 / Posted by:

Tekashi69 was recently released into house arrest, due to the coronavirus (he was in prison on charges of racketeering, conspiracy, firearms offenses, and narcotics trafficking) but he was forced to do the 23 skidoo after revealing his current address. He also dropped his latest song, “Gooba,” which quickly broke YouTube’s record for the most-watched hip-hop video in a 24-hour span, a title previously held by Eminem.

Gooba” currently has nearly 116,689,000 views since dropping on Friday. He also currently has a recording contract worth an alleged $10 million. And he reportedly gained 700,000 new followers after returning to Instagram last month. But to poorly quote Shania Twain, that doesn’t impress Chet Hanks much, because there’s no way he’d ever trade places with Tekashi69.

Now that Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson have recovered from coronavirus and Chet no longer has to use his Instagram account to provide updates on his parents’ health, it’s business as usual for him. Earlier today, Chet uploaded a series of Instagram Stories that explain how he feels about Tekashi’s recent success. Tekashi69’s Instagram bio proudly declares: “IM BACK AND THEY MAD” to his 19.4 million followers. A shadier person might compare that to Chet’s 317,000 followers and suggest that Chet is one of the “theys” who are mad about Tekashi69’s return. But Chet is unbothered and is happy with his measly 317,000 followers, because he doesn’t wake up every morning scared snitchless.

Chet isn’t exactly wrong. If The Sopranos has taught me anything (and really, they’ve taught me everything), it’s that a rat is always on the run. So Tekashi69 might have to live in a series of unknown locations for the rest of his life. Chet also accuses Tekashi69 of pretending to be a gang member for clout. Well, if there’s anyone who knows a thing or two about faking street cred….

Chet proceeded to drag Tekashi69 and accuse him of shaking in his rainbow moon boots.

Ending with a shameless plug? But Chet! I thought you didn’t care about numbers, fame, and attention? Chet, you’re confusing me.

I’ll always defend Chet’s right to drag Tekashi69, but it’s a little hard to listen to Chet go on like he’s this regular ol’ dude. Sure, he doesn’t wake up scared that there will be a drive-by in front of his house, but he is waking up in a bed bought with Toy Story 1, 2, 3, and 4 money. Like, Chet will never be broke and it’s not like he can live a life of reasonable anonymity. Even without knowing his dad is Tom Hanks, Chet’s cover is blown the second he pulls up to the McDonald’s drive-thru and says, “Ah, hail up miss – mi hungry fi ya Big Mac.

Pics: Instagram

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