Chet Hanks decided that Instagram isn’t the place to share his “super deep talks” (e.g. anti-vaxxer rants and White Boy Summer™ declarations), so he started a YouTube channel. He uploaded his first video, “The Truth About Growing Up As A Hanks,” yesterday. In it he talks about the toxic side of fame and being raised by Tom Hanks. The real takeaway is that 31-year-old Chet doesn’t use Jamaican patois. Not once. Is this… White Boy Growth™?
And somewhere, Chet Haze is crying in butchered Patois. Because two months after Sarah Paulson’s Glamour Shots twin, Adele, was spotted at an NBA playoffs game with LeBron James’ agent, Rich Paul, she went “Instagram Official” with him (honestly, a step more serious than marriage) by posting a picture they took together at a wedding. Adele has truly shown us that she’ll do anything for love. First, she went to a sports ball game with her new man, and now she’s suffering through weddings for him. This is what Meat Loaf was really singing about.
Chet Hanks has obviously been confused for a while; I mean, he thinks he’s Jamaican! Chet recently posted an anti-vaxx rant on Instagram which was very helpful and educational, and so he decided to follow up that up with more bullshit. In his newest video, Chet explained that he hasn’t seen enough “evidence” of the Coronavirus vaccine being “healthy” for you–not compared to aliens, at least! And he said his immune system is just SO powerful that the COVID vaccine is wholly unnecessary. I mean, yes, Chet might be insufferable enough for even COVID-19 to stay away.
So how’s everybody’s White Boy Summer™ going? Mine’s OK, just trying to soak up the sun, read more books, go on regular walks, etc. But what about the founder of White Boy Summer™, Chet Hanks? How’s he? Well, the answer is… the worst. Chet Hanks is the worst. “Tell me something I don’t know!” you might be saying. And, yes, fair.
This wannabe Jamaican nepotism douchebaby “rapper” has never not sucked. But yesterday he managed to top himself when he posted an anti-vaxxer rant video on Instagram. Yep, the son of celebrity COVID survivors Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson doesn’t think we should get the vaccine. 31-year-old Chet’s thinking is “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” meaning if he’s never contracted COVID, AKA “the motherfuckin’ flu”, why should he need to get vaxxed against it? Yup, this could be Darwin’s time to shine!
Now we know again where Chet Hanks got his impeccable rapping skills from. Because Rita once again revealed her own rapping “abilities” on The Masked Singer, giving us the scariest moment involving a white woman on The Masked Singer since Caitlyn Jenner‘s haunting rendition of TiK ToK.
Chet Hanks is Chet Hanks-ing again and has spewed out more verbal diarrhea that makes us ask, “Are we sure that Rita Wilson didn’t have an affair with Vanilla Ice back in the day?” Because Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson’s 30-year-old son is retaining his title as The Most Clueless by staking his claim on the summer of 2021 by naming it “White Boy Summer.”