Chet Hanks has done what few of us dare to do. He has decided, firmly and resolutely, which hill he would like to die on. Bomboclaat Mountain will be Chester Marlon Hanks’ final resting place. According to Newsweek, Chet recently popped into a Clubhouse chat to vigorously defend his Jah-given rights as a white boy to continue to use a phony Jamaican patois whenever the mood strikes him because he thinks it’s hilarious. And yes, sorry folks, it looks like we’re going to have to acknowledge the existence of Clubhouse now. I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but alas, here we are.
Because we must, Clubhouse is (currently) “an invite-only voice-based social media app where users can enter into different rooms to listen or participate in a conversation.” I guess Chet was bored posting dank memes about himself so he decided to drop in on Clubhouse to see what was cracking, or as Chet probably would say “cracka’ lackin’ homie!” before throwing in an errant and “booyah!” for good measure. However, whatever warm welcome he thought his antics might bring was not forthcoming. Instead he was questioned about his frequent forays into vocal minstrelsy and accused of “verbal blackface.” Nevertheless, he persisted. Newsweek reports:
Hanks, 30, was found on the app on December 3 in a chatroom defending his use of patois, saying: “I have no ill intentions and I’m just being myself.”
“It’s really as simple as this,” he said in snippets shared to Twitter.
“If I get on a binge or if I’m watching a bunch of English gangster movies and I’m just going about my day to day business like ordering a coffee in Starbucks and be like *mimicks Cockney accent* ‘Gimme a latte!’
“It’s not coming from a place of ‘oh I’m going to shit on these English people, you know what I mean?”
After someone pointed out that it’s not really the same thing given that unlike Jamaicans, white British people have never been oppressed. That drew an even sweatier example from Chet as to why it’s ok. You see, he also likes to mimic Black Brits!
He then tried to prove his point by mimicking a Black British accent, referencing the series Top Boy.
“I’m not trying to offend anybody,” he said.
Here’s a clip of the audio. You can tell that Chet really just loves to perform! Showbiz is in his blood after all.
Ay yo Chet Hanks done pissed off Jamaicans and ain’t even sorry about it 😭 pic.twitter.com/NqdNeEQ9mS
— 𝒜𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 & 𝐹𝑜𝓇𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 (@ore_xoxo) December 3, 2020
It makes me wonder what other magical accents he has in his arsenal and why can’t he just fucking use one of those? Any mimic worth their salt should have a half-decent Pepé Le Pew up their sleeve. Still, Newsweek adds that one actual Jamaican person in the room come to his defense and said that “many are happy that he is embracing their culture.”
— philip lewis (@Phil_Lewis_) December 3, 2020
The rest of the attendees were not so generous.
Hanks’ name began trending on Twitter where Clubhouse users are discussing the conversation and where those not on the app are joining the discourse.
Twitter user Kelechi Okafor has described Hanks’ defense of his use of patios as “white privilege in action.”
“I notice how he got more ‘clueless’ as the room grew. He loves the attention,” she tweeted.
Given the fact that, despite having a Black child, this 30-year-old man only just learned about racism and white privilege this year when he was first called out for bringing his mess to the Golden Globes red carpet, one might wonder if he’d been dropped on his head as a child. And, if it’s not too late, if doing it again might fix him.
Nope, it’s definitely too late. You can’t tell him nothing now. Adjust your expectations accordingly.