Category: Ass
Open Post: Hosted By Chris Cuomo “Accidentally” Showing Up Naked On Instagram Live
Chris Cuomo was locked in his basement with coronavirus for weeks, so maybe he’s emerged a new man? And part of that includes wanting to be naked all the time? Because he’s free of the bonds of coronavirus and the bonds of clothing? He’s thrown off the shackles of the name “Fredo” as well as the shackles of wearing anything on his body? It would help explain why he appeared naked in the background of his wife’s Instagram-live yoga session–giving her followers a full view of his chakras. Namaste, indeed!
Open Post: Hosted By Daryl Hannah’s Ass Fur In The Family-Friendly Edit Of “Splash” On Disney+
Disney+ has banished gay sex stuff from its wholesome stage and now it’s coming for asses!
Disney+ has used some extremely advanced technology to edit out Daryl Hannah’s bare ass from 1984’s Splash. Not since Cats have we seen such an impressive use of CGI. I mean, when we run out of toilet paper from the pandemic, Daryl Hannah‘s Splash character will be covered. Those bottom five-inches aren’t split-ends. That’s her ass-wiping hair!
Kanye West Wants Kim To Fix Her Ass ASAP!
Kim Kardashian West’s ass-tronomical booty is an entity all its own. Of course we all know it’s faker than a $9 bill. But still, her butt has become her calling card. Unfortunately after years of filling it with all kinds of chemicals, that shit is starting to look like a drunken third graders science project. So Kim is taking measures to make sure her poop chute remains among the elite of hot messes, and her husband Kanye West is 100% on board with Kim’s reconstruction plans.
ABC Is Scared Of The Ass-To-Ass Action That JLo And Iggy Azalea Might Bust Out During The AMAs
Jlo and Iggy Azalea are going to perform their moist butt burp of a song “Booty” at the American Music Awards on Sunday night. When those two get together to perform a song called “Booty,” you should expect them to rub nalgas so hard that the plastic in Iggy’s ass will get hot and combust. ABC doesn’t want that to happen. They told Iggy and JLo the same thing that Kelly Preston tells John Travolta and his Scientology protege when she leaves them alone in a room together: Keep your b-holes away from each other!
TMZ says that ABC executives have thrown a list of ass “don’ts” at the two. They can’t rub asses and they can’t show their ass cracks. ABC has a serious fear of the butt. ABC is about as scared as Kim Kardashian’s anus bleacher when they separate her cheeks with a crowbar as they’re about to go in. The show will be on a 3-4 second delay and executives have made it clear that they will censor any butt action they think is too much for the innocent, pristine eyes of the public. ABC is okay with them spanking each other, though ABC also didn’t say anything about Iggy and JLo rimming each other or doing each other with a strap-on, so that stuff is probably okay too.
The American Music Awards is full of gaping assholes, so it’s funny that ABC is against a little butt action.
ABC is stupid. What’s the point of getting JLo and Iggy to perform a song called “Booty” if you’re not going to let them serve equal parts elegance and desperation by butt fucking each other with an invisible double-sided dildo? If JLo insists on singing live, ABC should let them do whatever they want with their butts. Because the sound of the pearl clutchers from the Parents Television Council screaming in terror at the sight of all that ass rubbing will drown out the sound of JLo’s hyena warble. What am I saying? The PTC isn’t going to watch the AMAs. They’ll be too busy fapping in the bedroom closet to that Sons of Anarchy sex montage as their little kids watch Hostel in the rec room.