The knocked-up talking Malibu Stacy doll (“Thinking is hard. Let’s go shopping”) known as Kim Kardashian made an appearance at Givenchy’s first-ever NYFW show last night, because of course she did. She was probably dropping off Kanye West’s overnight bag to Riccardo Tisci’s assistant and decided “What the hell, I might as well stick around and see what kind of foolery Kanye will be replacing my wardrobe with.”

Apparently the Givenchy show was a tribute to 9/11 and it opened with a one-hour art performance thing directed by Marina Abramovic. Which sort of explains why Kim showed up looking like she did; you gotta work extra hard for attention when you’re up against all that. I don’t know what look Kim was going for – excuse me – what look Kanye was going for, but I’m guessing either ‘dancer from a The Craft-themed strip club in mourning after her favorite client died’ or ‘slutty drawing of a Victorian-era hot air balloon.’

But really, I have no idea what is going on in the stomach area of Kim’s outfit. It looks like her pregnant belly is awkwardly trying to cover itself up with those panties. Although to be honest, if I were that baby and I found out the person I’m living in went out in public looking like that, I’d try to hide too.

Regardless of whatever I’m looking at, I do know there’s a very angry Pimp Mama Kris Jenner storming around the Kardashian Khompound, demanding to know who took the curtains from her boudoir.

Here’s more of Kim in Morticia Addams cosplay (if all cosplay items were dug out of a dumpster behind a Frederick’s of Hollywood’s outlet store, of course) at the Givenchy show with Riccardo’s #1 fan, Kanye.

Pics: Splash/INF, Wenn.com

Jessica Simpson is doing the media rounds, because it’s the 10th anniversary of her fashion empire. If any trick ever says that Jessica doesn’t know shit about fashion, shut their asses up by showing them these pictures of her wearing a top that used to be a third-rate ice skater’s costume and church lady pants that make her crotch look like it’s spitting out silly string – Lainey Gossip 

Since Jessica Simpson is doing the media rounds, she’s dribbling out more streams of TMI including a story about how her kids poop on the grass. Don’t ever let those kids go anywhere near Sandra Bullock’s new piece – Celebitchy

Rob Kartrashian has dropped some chunk – Reality Tea 

Beyonce delivers duckface and chichis in Flaunt – Drunken Stepfather

Jill Duggar and her malnourished meth head-looking husband are maybe scamming their followers out of money. Well, Mama and Papa Duggar have taught their youngins well – The Superficial 

We all have goals in life and it was someone’s goal to solve a Rubix cube while skydiving – Hollywood Tuna 

Matt Damon’s dad bod is no more – Towleroad

I have NEVER been jealous of Claire Danes until I read this headline – HuffPo

The life: This donkey is living it – OMG Blog 

Vanessa Hudgens is dressed up like a waitress at a 90s-themed Japanese maid cafe – Popoholic

Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden are maybe spawning – IDLYITW

Ronda Rousey will star in a remake of Road House and I’m all for it if they bring back Sam Elliott – Pajiba

People are still doing the Cha-Cha Slide, but everyone can stop now since nobody can do it like this dude – The Berry 

Kylie Jenner thinks her rubber slug lips look natural – ICYDK

A fact you really needed to know: Jennifer Lawrence Googles “Jennifer Lawrence Ugly” when she’s on her period – Popsugar

And let’s end with a headline, again:

Those Catfish dudes probably threw up their hands and said, “I’m fucking done.”

Pic: FameFlynet

Caitlyn Jenner is currently facing two lawsuits (with a third one coming) for her role in the car crash that killed a woman on PCH and she’s also waiting to see if she’ll be charged for manslaughter or not. If I was her crisis manager (Note: She’d be FUCKED if I was her crisis manager), I’d tell her that if she’s doing an interview and the crash comes up, just say, “I can’t talk about it, my thoughts are with the family of the victim, I can’t talk about it, my thoughts are with the family of the victim,” over and over again. But she didn’t really do that during a 2-part interview with Matt Lauer for Today.

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You’ll never believe this, but it was Pride in Atlanta last week and at one of the events, gay dudes showed up. I know, it’s like going to Coachella and seeing chicks in flower crowns and coochie cutters rolling on Molly. CRAZY!

Melissa Scott, a party promoter who is co-founder of the entertainment group Traxx Girls, tells Georgia Voice that Chris Brown was booked to make an appearance at a lesbian Pride party over the weekend. Fisty was supposed to introduce Teyana Taylor, who is currently on tour with him. The Traxx Girls put the sore on humanity’s right labia lip on their flyer and used his name to promote the event. On the night of the event, The Difficult Brown supposedly showed up to the venue, but refused to enter, because he found out that gay dudes were inside. Well, at least we know that gay dudes are Chris Brown’s kryptonite and if we never want him to leave the house again, we should just line his front yard with nothing but gays. I’ll gladly volunteer.

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Kristen Stewart should let her housekeeper know to watch the front door, because very shortly there will be a muffin basket arriving with a note attached that says “Thanks for killing my marriage, ya homewrecking hussy! No, really – without you, I wouldn’t be currently engaged to a millionaire. I’m gonna be rich, bitch! XO Lib.”

UsWeekly says that Liberty Ross, aka the woman Rupert Sanders was married to when he got caught chowing down on KStew in her Mini Cooper, has decided that she’s ready to try being married again. And the person she has decided to make it legal with is music executive and rich-ass fuck Jimmy Iovine. 36-year-old Liberty and 62-year-old Jimmy got together about a month after she served Rupert Sanders with divorce papers back in January 2013. This will also be Jimmy Iovine’s second marriage (he was previously married to Playboy playmate Vicki McCarty).

The numbers in Liberty’s bank account balance should consider calling up Scott McGillivray and asking him to knock down a couple of walls, because they’re going to need to make some room for all the new numbers that will be moving in when Jimmy Iovine does. Jim (I can’t with a 62-year-old man who goes by “Jimmy“) is both the co-founder Interscope Records and Beats Electronics, and according to a completely reliable internet search I just did, Jimmy Iovine is worth $970 million. Say it with me now: Get iiiiiiiitttttttt giiiiiirlllllll. Yes, he looks like Mr. Clean’s accountant, and yes, he’ll be entering his cheesecake-on-the-lanai years before you know it. But none of that matters when you’re diving wallet-first into a Scrooge McDuck style swimming pool filled with dollars. And not the dirty kind, either. A man with tinted purple lenses fills his pools with only the freshest of dollar bills.

Pic: Wenn.com

The movie that Sienna Miller was WRONGLY cut out of (I can’t even type its name) is premiering at the Venice Film Festival and so Johnny Depp, the human embodiment of a 2-day-old cold Pumpkin Spice Latte Dakota Johnson, Joel Edgerton and director Scott Cooper came out to sell that shit.

It’s strange that Johnny Depp was actually able to walk and pose for photographers, because I didn’t think he could function without a million scarves draped around his neck and a thousand Santa Fe gift shop bracelets on his wrists. I thought scarves and bracelets were his life blood, but I guess not. As the entire scarf industry shook with fear over their future, Johnny Depp worked it while dressed like a grandpa going to play dominos in the park with his friends. Yes, Johnny’s mop was more greased up than a horny memaw’s pussy, but he looked like he spent time in a shower and that’s progress.

At a press conference for the movie, one of the reporters asked Johnny about the most famous members of the Depp family, Boo and Pistol, and he joked that he killed them and ate them under direct orders of some “sweaty, big-gutted man from Australia.” Johnny, of course, was making fun of his dogs getting deported from Australia because he broke the law and brought them in illegally. Lap up the smugness at the 1:53:

THIS BITCH. Along with that charbroiled Yorkie, Johnny should’ve eaten a side of Get A Fucking Clue and washed it down with a cup of Shut The Hell Up. Amber Heard better search the Internet for how to cook Australian prison mice using the sunshine beaming through her jailhouse window, because thanks to Johnny’s little joke, that “sweaty, big-gutted man from Australia” is totally going to take it out on her and make sure she gets locked up for a long ass time. (Yeah, right.)

Pics: Wenn.com