Category: Liberty Ross

Open Post: Hosted By Liberty Ross’ Goth Christmas Tree Of A Wedding Dress

February 19, 2016 / Posted by:

Liberty Ross, the woman whose ex-husband’s mouth got caught on Kristen Stewart’s pussy box, became a gold digging saint and goddess to aspiring trophy wives and husbands last week when she married almost-billionaire entertainment mogul Jimmy Iovine. Liberty and Jimmy had two weddings: one was a casual ceremony with close friends and family on the beach and the other one was where he really showed everyone that he shits gold bars and diamonds. It was a Valentine’s Day extravaganza that brought out Oprah, Tom Hanks, Lady Gaga, Tony Bennett, Paul McCartney, Ellen DeGeneres and pretty much everybody else that was at the damn Grammys.

I’ve been waiting to see what Liberty Ross wore, because I was hoping that she’d really bring the lavishness by wearing a dress made of $100 bills encrusted with diamonds and bits of pure gold. But instead, Liberty went for something more subdued and demure by looking like a bootleg Day of the Dead bride who fell into a Christmas tree ornament display at Hot Topic. Based on that picture, it looks like her ensemble was put together using scraps from a JoAnn’s and shit found in the clearance section of a Party City, but of course it wasn’t. via UsWeekly

Instead of wearing classic white or red like her guests, the bride opted for a dark navy and black vintage Givenchy gown and an enormous, jaw-dropping headpiece created by milliner Stephen Jones.

But who cares if she’s dressed like the Corpse Bride at a funeral, she married an almost-billionaire!  An almost-billionaire who made b-holes pucker by doing himself up like Barry Manilow’s standby piano player, might I add.

Pic: UsWeekly

Liberty Ross And Jimmy Iovine Got Married

February 15, 2016 / Posted by:

It was a little over three years ago when Liberty Ross filed for divorce from director Rupert Sanders after he got caught munching on Kristen Stewart’s twat in a Mini Cooper. After the paps caught Rupert taking his tongue to Kristen Stewart’s pussy town in her Mini Cooper, Liberty tried to make it work with him for the sake of their children, but they eventually got divorced. Well, those sad days are long, long behind Liberty and I’m sure she barely thought of that bad time in her life as sparkling dollar signs, I mean, sparkling hearts filled her eyes when she married almost-billionaire turtle Jimmy Iovine over the weekend.

The Daily Mail has pictures of 37-year-old Liberty marrying 62-year-old music mogul Jimmy Iovine on a beach in Malibu on Saturday afternoon. It was just a casual ceremony and at one point, a sky writer messed up by writing “J Heart M” instead of “J Heart L.” Liberty could have taken that as a bad omen, but she laughed it off, because who cares. Bitch is beyond rich now. The beach wedding was just for their close family and friends. Yesterday, on Valentine’s Day, they went all out by throwing a party at David Geffen’s mansion.

Since everyone is in L.A. for the Grammys tonight, everyone was at Jimmy and Liberty’s wedding party. The 300 guests included: Oprah, her boo Stedman Graham, her other boo Gayle King, Pharrell Williams, Ellen DeGeneres, Portia de Rossi, Eminem, Tom Hanks, Rita Wilson, Brian Grazer, Paul McCartney, Rupert Murdoch, Gwen Stefani, Blake Shelton, Stevie Nicks, Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz. Lady Gaga, Tony Bennett and Mary J. Blige performed at the reception. All of them women were also told to wear red since it was VD.

That wedding sounds like what a gold digger dreams of when she closes her eyes at night. Not only did Liberty Ross marry a guy who is worth around $970 million, but the reception was filled with so many rich bitches. I bet that instead of the guests pinning dollars to her dress during the money dance, they swiped their black AMEX on a credit card machine strapped to her dress. And I also bet that during the reception, Liberty raised a glass and said, “Thank you to Kristen Stewart’s pussy, because if it wasn’t for my asshole ex licking on you in a Mini Cooper, I may not have upgraded and been living a lavish life today. To KStew’s snatch!”

And here’s riveting pictures of David Geffen’s twink toy lair and pictures of guests in cars.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Liberty Ross Is Getting Married Again

September 6, 2015 / Posted by:

Kristen Stewart should let her housekeeper know to watch the front door, because very shortly there will be a muffin basket arriving with a note attached that says “Thanks for killing my marriage, ya homewrecking hussy! No, really – without you, I wouldn’t be currently engaged to a millionaire. I’m gonna be rich, bitch! XO Lib.

UsWeekly says that Liberty Ross, aka the woman Rupert Sanders was married to when he got caught chowing down on KStew in her Mini Cooper, has decided that she’s ready to try being married again. And the person she has decided to make it legal with is music executive and rich-ass fuck Jimmy Iovine. 36-year-old Liberty and 62-year-old Jimmy got together about a month after she served Rupert Sanders with divorce papers back in January 2013. This will also be Jimmy Iovine’s second marriage (he was previously married to Playboy playmate Vicki McCarty).

The numbers in Liberty’s bank account balance should consider calling up Scott McGillivray and asking him to knock down a couple of walls, because they’re going to need to make some room for all the new numbers that will be moving in when Jimmy Iovine does. Jim (I can’t with a 62-year-old man who goes by “Jimmy“) is both the co-founder Interscope Records and Beats Electronics, and according to a completely reliable internet search I just did, Jimmy Iovine is worth $970 million. Say it with me now: Get iiiiiiiitttttttt giiiiiirlllllll. Yes, he looks like Mr. Clean’s accountant, and yes, he’ll be entering his cheesecake-on-the-lanai years before you know it. But none of that matters when you’re diving wallet-first into a Scrooge McDuck style swimming pool filled with dollars. And not the dirty kind, either. A man with tinted purple lenses fills his pools with only the freshest of dollar bills.

Pic: Wenn.com

So What The Hell Happened To Kristen Stewart?

February 25, 2013 / Posted by:

Kristen Stewart hobbled into the Oscars on crutches last night and when she presented with Daniel Radcliffe, she limped and twitched like a strung out pimp suffering from severe diarrhea. KStew looked like her publicist peeled her off the bathroom floor, quickly sprayed her down with a hose, threw clothes on her body and pushed her out the door (basically, she looked like a hungover me trying to keep down the barfs while buying a breakfast burrito at Jack In The Box on a Saturday morning).

KStew looked like a visual dry heave, she acted like the Oscars were the last place she wanted to be and I think she left loogie pieces on the mic when she hacked and grunted into it. So some hos were wondering what in alley cat hell happened to her? Did Liberty Ross Nancy Kerrigan her in the knee? Is she trying really hard to get a role on The Walking Dead? Well, UsWeekly has the answer.

A source says that right before she presented, KStew ran into Anne Hathaway backstage and they had a moment that went like this:

Anne – Oh no!

KStew – I know, I’m an idiot. But congratulations!

Anne – Please tell me you’re going on stage with those crutches.

KStew – Nope. I’m gonna hobble.

Anne –  Well, break a leg. Oops!

KStew – I just hope the wound doesn’t open up right now.

End scene.

The source added that KStew told Anne that she cut her foot open when she accidentally stepped on glass.

I guess KStew learned the hard way that you should always put on a pair of sturdy house shoes before you walk around the crack house, because you never know when some rude and uncouth crackhead is going to leave their broken pipe on the floor. Some crackheads are such slobs. This is a lesson we must all learn.

And I also threw in some pictures of Liberty Ross’ nipples at last night’s Vanity Fair party, because why not.

Liberty Ross Officially Files Papers To Legally Quit A Bitch

January 26, 2013 / Posted by:

And now you can finally pull out that Liberty and freedom joke you’ve been waiting to use.

Six months after Rupert Sanders got caught by the paparazzi having dry butt sex with Kristen Stewart while looking at the beautiful mountains (or something), his wife of ten years took the first step  in euthanizing their marriage. TMZ says that Liberty Ross filed divorce papers in L.A. yesterday and wants joint custody of their two kids, alimony and wants him to pay her lawyer. Rupert responded and said that he also wants joint custody and he isn’t looking for alimony, but he doesn’t want to pay Liberty’s lawyer either. Cheap bitch.

Some source says that Liberty and Rupert went to see a therapist a few times to try to Super Glue back the pieces of their broken ass marriage, but it didn’t work and they both realized that their marriage is about as dead as Kristen Stewart’s acting skills. A different source tells UsWeekly that Liberty just couldn’t kiss Rupert on the mouth without thinking about how that mouth once nibbled on KStew’s box in the front seat of a Mini Cooper.

“This was a long time coming,” one source tells Us Weekly, explaining that, in the aftermath of the shocking tryst, Sanders “did want to try to repair the relationship and didn’t want a divorce.”

Ross, who picked up her life and career in London to move with her husband to Hollywood a couple years ago, “was more than a little upset,” adds a second insider. “They gave it a shot for the kids, [but] she was just so angry . . .she’s the kind of person who wouldn’t really ever get over it.”

The good news is that this shit has lit up the throbbing, angry b-holes of the Twihards and for the next few days they’ll be typing ROBSTEN IS 4EVA UNBROKEN over and over again on Twitter and Tumblr, so they’ll be busy for a while. The bad news for me is that since Liberty and Rupert’s home is wrecked forever and since KStew’s coochie contributed to that a little, Sienna Miller will have to give her bull dozer vagina platinum status. So Kristen Stewart and my home wrecking hero Sienna Miller are now in the same home wrecking league. Ugh.

Liberty Ross Stood Next To A Dude Last Night, Must Be Doing Him

September 18, 2012 / Posted by:

While wearing a coat made of the carcasses of Benji’s slaughtered relatives, Liberty Ross left London’s Serpentine Gallery last night with a dude who isn’t her cheating skank husband Rupert Sanders and she held hands with the dude, so this obviously means that she’s scrubbing away Kristen Stewart’s saliva (that was transferred to her chocha by Rupert’s tongue) on a shrub of curly British pubes. Obviously.

I know, Liberty Ross should be under her bed sheets, wallowing in the shame of her husband passing his nomad tongue to a slow trick with the sex appeal of uncooked peen dough, but she took the advice of important poet Kandi Burruss and is flying above all the drama. Besides, the best way to reheat a cold heart that froze from your husband cheating on you is to put it in front of the warm flashes shooting off of the paparazzi’s cameras.

And I know these pictures of Liberty Ross (Side note: The first time I read the name “Liberty Ross,” I Googled to see if there’s a Ross Dress For Less in a town called Liberty, because I know what’s important.) are heart-stoppingly exciting on their own, but I threw in pictures of everyone’s favorite British drunk Kate Moss. Kate Moss is saving the economy, one vodka shot at a time.

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