Hot Slut Of The Day!
Mrs. Minassian (as played by Grace Zabriskie) from Ray Donovan!
Ray Donovan’s third season finale aired last night and I really hope I’ll never ever see Katie Holmes’ braces again. Tommy Girl’s ex-prisoner wife played the cutthroat daughter of a billionaire and yet her braces look like they were stolen from a poor child in the 1940s. I’ve never seen braces like that and they made her teeth look like that of a meth head who chews rocks. Katie’s braces were the worst part of last season, but the best part was the bad bitch performance given by Grace Zabriskie (aka Laura Palmer’s mom in Twin Peaks, Bill’s mom in Big Love, Juana in Wild At Heart, etc.. etc… etc…).
Grace played Mrs. Minassian, an Armenian mafia queen who got into business with Jon Voight and proved time and time again that she’s ոչ մեկը (the always 100% accurate Google Translate tells me that’s Armenian for “not the one.”) Most of Mrs. Minassian’s scenes were in her opulent restaurant and she didn’t really say much, but she didn’t have to. When you’re an Armenian mafia queen, words are cheap and all you have to do is wave your hand to get one of your henchmen to destroy your enemies. I won’t spill any SPOILERS!!!!!! about last night’s episode, but I will say that I’m sad that Mrs. Minassian didn’t have a scene with Katie Holmes. Because she totally would’ve made one of her minions rip those weird-ass looking braces out of Katie’s mouth.
Pic: Showtime
Birthday Sluts
Phoebe Price (16 in earth angel years)
Google (17)
Sam Lerner (23)
Thomas Mann (24)
Grace Helbig (30)
Avril Lavigne (31)
Anna Camp (33)
Lil Wayne (33)
Jason Wu (33)
Carrie Brownstein (41)
Trick Daddy (42)
Gwyneth Paltrow (43)
Amanda Detmer (44)
Tamara Taylor (45)
Sofia Milos (46)
Patrick Muldoon (47)
Debi Derryberry (48)
Alexis Stewart (50)
Stephan Jenkins (51)
Marc Maron (52)
Andy Lau (54)
Shaun Cassidy (57)
Gail Edwards (63)
Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa (65)
A Martinez (67)
Liz Torres (68)
Meat Loaf (68)
Wilford Brimley (81)
Pic: Wenn.com
ICYMI: Here’s Viola Davis’ Speech After Making History At The Emmys
Every part of me was rooting for Taraji P. Henson to win the Lead Actress in a Drama Emmy last night, because she deserves an Emmy, Oscar, Golden Globe, Grammy, Tony, Super Bowl ring and Nobel Peace Prize for the corporate takeover glamour and Not The One moves she brings to Empire. But I wasn’t mad that Viola Davis won since she and that hot gay tramp make How To Get Away With Murder and nobody says “murrrrrrrrrrder” the way she does.
Okay, So Jon Hamm Did Thank Jennifer Westfeldt (And Their Dog) Last Night
When Jon Hamm’s acceptance was over last night, I wondered if he Hilary Swank’d it by not thanking his now ex-piece Jennifer Westfeldt. My ears didn’t hear the words, “Thank you, Jennifer Westfeldt,” but then again, I really wasn’t listening since all of my focus was on trying to spot any sign of the Hammaconda. (I always focus on the highly important things.) Jon Hamm did thank his partner/mother figure of 18 years…right after he thanked their dog first.
T.I. Cutting All Business Ties With Iggy Azalea Is News To Her
T.I. made it perfectly clear during a radio interview this morning that he and his one-time protégée Iggy Azalea are over in the professional sense. T.I. should’ve maybe dropped a trick a “see ya” text or maybe sent her a quick “bye bitch” DM. Because apparently, Iggy found out that her business relationship with T.I. is over when everybody else did. In the words of Iggy, “Well-a-well-a-well adfkljadslkfjdsaf-well-a-well-a-adsafdfdsffd-elp.” That’s Iggy freestyle for “welp.”
Bitch Got Pranked: The Elton John Edition
When Elton John recently said, “Yeah, I TOTALLY talked to Putin about gay rights in Russia,” Putie Tang responded with, “кто.” (Rosetta Stone’s drunk, dyslexic second cousin Google Translate tell me that’s “who?” in Russian.)
Three days ago, Elton posted an Instagram post where he thanked President Vladimir Putin for calling him on the phone to talk about the awfulness that’s happening to the LGBT community in Russia. The Kremlin sharted up a thousand question marks over Elton’s Instagram post and they denied that Elton talked to the President of Russia. I figured that Crank Yankers was about to launch in Russia and Elton was their first victim. I was right, sort of.