Liberty Ross Is Getting Married Again

September 6, 2015 / Posted by:

Kristen Stewart should let her housekeeper know to watch the front door, because very shortly there will be a muffin basket arriving with a note attached that says “Thanks for killing my marriage, ya homewrecking hussy! No, really – without you, I wouldn’t be currently engaged to a millionaire. I’m gonna be rich, bitch! XO Lib.

UsWeekly says that Liberty Ross, aka the woman Rupert Sanders was married to when he got caught chowing down on KStew in her Mini Cooper, has decided that she’s ready to try being married again. And the person she has decided to make it legal with is music executive and rich-ass fuck Jimmy Iovine. 36-year-old Liberty and 62-year-old Jimmy got together about a month after she served Rupert Sanders with divorce papers back in January 2013. This will also be Jimmy Iovine’s second marriage (he was previously married to Playboy playmate Vicki McCarty).

The numbers in Liberty’s bank account balance should consider calling up Scott McGillivray and asking him to knock down a couple of walls, because they’re going to need to make some room for all the new numbers that will be moving in when Jimmy Iovine does. Jim (I can’t with a 62-year-old man who goes by “Jimmy“) is both the co-founder Interscope Records and Beats Electronics, and according to a completely reliable internet search I just did, Jimmy Iovine is worth $970 million. Say it with me now: Get iiiiiiiitttttttt giiiiiirlllllll. Yes, he looks like Mr. Clean’s accountant, and yes, he’ll be entering his cheesecake-on-the-lanai years before you know it. But none of that matters when you’re diving wallet-first into a Scrooge McDuck style swimming pool filled with dollars. And not the dirty kind, either. A man with tinted purple lenses fills his pools with only the freshest of dollar bills.


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