Birthday Sluts

/ March 16, 2016

Flavor Flav (57)
Tyrel Jackson Williams (19)
Wolfgang Van Halen (25)
Blake Griffin (27)
Alexandra Daddario (30)
Nicole Trunfio (30)
Brian Wilson (34)
Brooke Burns (38)
Sophie Hunter (38)
Blu Cantrell (40)
Sienna Guillory (41)
Rupert Sanders (45)
Alan Tudyk (45)
Judah Friedlander (47)
Tracy Bonham (49)
Lauren Graham (49)
Gore Verbinski (52)
Patty Griffin (52)
Nancy Wilson (62)
Isabelle Huppert (63)
Kate Nelligan (66)
Erik Estrada (67)
Victor Garber (67)
Bernardo Bertolucci (75)
Chuck Woolery (75)
Jerry Lewis (90)

Pic: Getty

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Night Crumbs

/ March 15, 2016

“I think I’d rather be doing anything than this, like taking a long shower and actually shampooing my hair,” thought Kristen Stewart as her giant 90s 3rd grader-looking girlfriend Soko kissed her mouth in public – Lainey Gossip 

So LeBron James must be a shower… Do with that what you will – The Superficial

The rumor that Prince Hot Ginge is going to Yale Law School has been shot down. Oh well, I guess that means I better called the Yale janitorial department and tell them I no longer want that job cleaning the law school dorm bathrooms – Celebitchy

FYI: Brandi Glanville is a romantic who likes a dude who pulls her tampon out with his teeth. Also, brace your retinas for the pic of Brandi – Reality Tea 

Heather Lockear’s daughter is doing ho stroll shoots on the beach – Drunken Stepfather

Selena Gomez looks like she got in a messy fight with an oversized men’s suit and got owned – Popoholic

The Porn Iguana gave “Bernie Sanders” a lap dance and now I suddenly feel the burn…..in my eyes. Excuse me while I dip them in bleach – IDLYITW

Okay, I’m back, but my eyes are burning again and this time it’s from Jennifer Garner’swhite-hot red carpet appearance” – Popsugar

Crispy Ronaldo’s Crispy Critters (or whatever the hell his fans call themselves) won’t let their barbecued idol enjoy his tea – Hollywood Tuna 

Chord Overstreet still exists and so do his hard cum gutters – SOW

Things I may never ever be stoned enough to watch: Sausage PartyTowleroad

Mimi’s reality show has officially been announced and her Australian Shrek billionaire of a fiancé won’t be in it. That’s fine with me, but the dog she put in the dryer during her Cribs episode better be in it – Jezebel

That stupid lawsuit between Lindsay Lohan and the makers of Grand Theft Auto V is moving forward – Starcasm

From The Department Of It’s Hard Being Crazy Rich: Jerry Seinfeld sold a bunch of his cars for $22 million and not because he needed the money. But because he didn’t have room for them – HuffPo

Panty Creamer of the  Day: Tom Hopper in Men’s HealthJust Jared 

Pic: FameFlynet

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Completely True News: James Dean Was Allegedly Marlon Brando’s S&M Sex Slave

/ March 15, 2016

Just when I was starting to think that today’s “news” day was as slow as Channing Tatum’s thought process when someone asks him what 3 ÷ 3 is, a BREAKING and totally real story from the 1950s popped up. This story about James Dean supposedly being Marlon Brando’s bottom boy sex slave comes from an unauthorized biography and excerpts were posted by The Daily Mail. So it’s practically as if Honest Abe told the story to Gandhi who told it to us. It’s that believable, it’s trustworthy and it’s fifty shades of YES.

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Back Down, Beyhive – Amber Rose Wasn’t Coming For Your Queen

/ March 15, 2016

So it turns out we’re not done talking about Kim Kardashian’s week-old twitter fight today. During an interview with The Daily Beast at SXSW yesterday, Little Annie Fanny’s human cousin Amber Rose once again defended the slut honor of her former enemy/current rubber-faced ally Kim Kardashian. Except this time, it got her in a whole mess of trouble with Beyonce’s legion of rabid fans.

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Open Post: Hosted By Zoe Kravitz Serving Up Caught In The Net Messiness

/ March 15, 2016

I almost typed “methiness.” That works too.

I’m also with Theo James (the dude in the poster). When I look at Zoe Kravitz’s hair, I too don’t know if I want to slather it with soy sauce and take a huge bite out of it since it looks like an overstuffed spicy tuna roll. Or slather it with lube, pat my b-hole thrice for good luck and bounce on it.

Last night was the NYC premiere of the second movie in the Divergent series, the franchise that is the Rita Ora to The Hunger Games’ RiRi. Nearly everybody showed up looking a wreck (see the fuckery in gallery). Maggie Q came dressed as a bordello-owning villainess who wears the scalped hair of her victims on her dress. Dylan McDermott wore the half-assed Neo from The Matrix costume that every dude wore in 1999. And Shailene Woodley somehow managed to make one of Walter Mercado’s favorite funeral-going pantsuits look dull and boring. But Zoe Kravitz was the biggest wreck of them all. Leave it to Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet’s daughter to show those hos how messiness is really done.

If the Gorton’s Fisherman did a line of goth stripper clothes for Frederick’s, that ensemble on Zoe would be the crown jewel of his collection. Zoe is kind of like a walking sex party. You can use her hair as a dildo, her dress as a sex hammock and those fringes as whips. Whenever you make assholes and coochies pucker with your hairstyle, you won the night.

Pics: Wenn.com

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