Congratulations! It’s an abuelita! The Fast Family just got a little bit bigger, as it seems to do every damn day (they use the rhythm method), with the addition of the one and only Rita Moreno who will be playing Vin Diesel’s grandmother in Fast X, the upcoming penultimate installment of the Fast and Furious franchise. Rita will be joining other franchise newborns Jason Mamoa, Brie Larson and The Transporter director Louis Leterrier who is replacing OG Fast director Justin Lin who bailed on Fast X after reportedly beefing with Vin. But if Vin thought bringing a sweet old lady like Rita into the fold would be without risk, he’s got another thing coming. Don’t FUCK with Rita. She cheated on Brando with Elvis for revenge. And it worked. She will bury anyone who crosses her. If Vin still has a single working brain cell, he better use it to have fresh flowers to be sent to Rita’s trailer every day because when the next Fast Feud comes, and it’s gonna come, he’s gonna want to have Rita in his corner.
It’s been a few years since we had a Fast & Furious movie causing a spike in crashes as people left the theatres amped up on all the adrenaline of watching Vin Diesel drive cars in impossible scenarios. The Fate Of The Furious came out all the way in 2017, with another already scheduled to be out May 2020. Back in 2017, Michelle Rodriguez got kind of slappy at the franchise, saying it wasn’t great with women. She was thinking of leaving the franchise. We were just waiting to see if they decided to let her so they could hire some hot new twenty-something of varying ethnic background to replace her and pay the actress much less. But the verdict is in and it looks like some meninists will be pressed because Michelle is staying in the movie and she’s bringing in the series’ first female screenwriter, too.
Michelle Rodriquez must not have heard the age old adage, “A man who desires revenge should dig two graves”. Last week, she tried to write her own revenge flick after her friend and Widows co-star Liam Neeson confessed that he used to be a hate crime aficionado, but was cured of his race-based murderous impulses by power-walking the hate away. Michelle was ready to bury those who dared call Liam a racist thus besmirching his good name. But her defense was so incredibly stupid, people were ready to lay flowers on her grave (Ok, drink tall boys on her grave) for saying that there’s no way Liam could possibly be racist because kissed a black woman for work. You see, Michelle has a very particular set of skills: she’s 2 fast, 2 furious, and 2 prone 2 say some real dumb shit. And now, she’s had to issue an apology.
If I had to guess what Michelle Rodriguez’s professional reputation was, I might say: “Well, she seems prone to choosing films with the words fast and/or furious in the title.” As it turns out, some people in Hollywood think Michelle is difficult to work with. Director Steve McQueen wanted to cast Michelle in his latest film Widows, and he didn’t care how many times he was told not to hire allegedly-difficult Michelle.
Michelle Rodriguez Threatens To Quit The Next “Fast And The Furious” Unless They Do Better For Women
The eighth Fast and the Furious movie was released on Amazon Video and iTunes yesterday, and Michelle Rodriguez celebrated the release by threatening to quit the franchise over social media. The drama never stops with this franchise. First we endure months of (maybe fake) back and forth scratching from The Rock and Vin Diesel. Now we’re getting a possible fight between Letty and the producers. What’s next? The cars of FatF starting beef with the cars from Pixar’s Cars?
The Reality of Truth is an unreleased documentary that gets into how humans find spirituality through prayer, meditation, natural hallucinogenic, etc… I watched the trailer (which is after the cut), and for some reason, they don’t include how many of us (read: just me) find the holy light of God by getting drunk on sweet tea vodka while watching back-to-back Golden Girls episodes for 3 hours. That must be in the documentary’s sequel. The ultra dramatic trailer is mostly about how the documentary’s co-director Mike “Zappy” Zapolin (aka the Internet Warrior) and Michelle Rodriguez traveled the world to find and try a “hidden technology in nature” that the government doesn’t want you to know about. They basically go to Peru to do Ayahuasca, a spiritual drink made from the ayahuasca vine, which apparently makes you do the Macarena with all the gods on a rainbow that’s trickling out of a giant unicorn’s piss slit. It also makes some people vomit through their eyes and cry tears through their mouths.