Just when you thought that nothing could be more horrifying than Madge in an Illuminati ritual mask, your eyes scroll down to those jeans which look like they were made by JNCO! This 90s fashion comeback has gone too, too far.

No, Madge isn’t wearing that mask (which is very “Madge after her 10th face lift and 10,000th Botox session“) to a sacrificial Illuminate ceremony. Madge took her kids, Lourdes and Rocco, to that theatrical experience called Sleep No More last night. Everyone has to wear an Eyes Wide Shut mask while watching it. People says that 15-year-old Rocco Ritchie is back in NYC after he’s been living with his dad Guy Ritchie in London for a while.

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Shortly after Blac Chyna announced that she was knocked up with Rob Kardashian’s baby, there were whispers that the two of them were trying to get a reality show. Well, E! has announced what we all pretty much figured was only a matter of time before it was announced: that Rob and Chyna are getting their own reality show. Rob & Chyna (current working title) will be a six-episode docuseries that will follow Rob and Chyna’s engagement, her pregnancy, and “everything in between.” Finally, an answer to the question: “Is there is a reality show more pointless than Keeping Up With The Kardashians?”

Each episode will be an hour long (good fucking lord WHY), and will be followed by a separate special featuring the birth of their baby. I don’t know what the working title of that one will be, but I’m sure “Rob & Chyna: Who Cares, Just Give Us The Money” has been thrown around a couple times in the writer’s room. Rob & Chyna will air sometime later this year. E! released this comedy gem about the show:

“Very few love stories have created as much pop culture buzz as Rob and Chyna’s, and we are thrilled to see Rob in such a happy place. We are excited to share the next chapter in their relationship.”

I know your first instinct will be to congratulate the woman who probably orchestrated this shamelessness. But please do not disturb Kris Jenner at this time. She’ll be spending the next 24 hours twirling around Khasa Kardashian to Kelly Clarkson’s “A Moment Like This” in celebration of the fact that what was once her least-pimpable child has done the unthinkable and landed himself a six-episode reality show AND a special. If you need Blac Chyna, she’ll be doing the same. But her song choice will be “Finally” by CeCe Peniston and she’ll be singing it to her shiny new reality show contract. “Finally, it has happened to me, validation and fame, no more Instagram modeling.”

Here’s future E! reality star Blac Chyna and the man who made it all possible, Rob Kardashian, at an event in Las Vegas this weekend.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

It hasn’t even been a full week since Amber Heard and Johnny Depp’s divorce fight went from “he’s totally going to rebound elope with his favorite bracelet and do it with a prenup this time” jokes to shit got seriously serious territory. Since then, Amber got a restraining order against Johnny, her lawyer said that she suffered through years of abuse at the greasy hand of the Bracelet Don, and several of his exes, family members, friends and employees came to his defense saying that he would never do such horrific shit. One of those friends included comedian Doug Stanhope who basically said that Amber is a come-to-life Gone Girl and is making it all up. I know, why are we even talking about this anymore? The case should’ve been closed and Amber should’ve been charged with (GONE GIRL SPOILER ALERT) Doogie Howser’s murder as soon as Doug Stanhope spoke.

Well, now there’s rumors of a video tape that could destroy Johnny Depp’s career and People published pictures that a friend took of Amber after he allegedly attacked her in December.

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Kate Moss might have a new boyfriend in her life, and when I say “boyfriend“, I mean he is literally two birthdays older than what the UK’s age of consent laws technically consider to be a “boy.”

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Poor sexy Kit Harington is talking once again about how hard it is to be a sexy actor in Hollywood. Grab your tissues (ew, not like that – and stop objectifying him!), because you will no doubt feel many emotions for Kit. The last time a sad single tear rolled down Jon Snow’s chiseled cheekbone, he was talking about how it was “demeaning” to call him a hunk and that it was basically the same type of sexism actresses face. Kit is clearly gunning for an #AskKitMore campaign at this year’s Emmys, because he recently told The Sunday Times (via UsWeekly) that he’s sick of the double standard of sexism in Hollywood when it comes to talking about how sexy actors are.

“I think there is a double standard. If you said to a girl, ‘Do you like being called a babe?’ and she said, ‘No, not really,’ she’d be absolutely right. I like to think of myself as more than a head of hair or a set of looks. It’s demeaning. Yes, in some ways you could argue I’ve been employed for a look I have. But there’s a sexism that happens towards men.”

However, Kit Harington says he totally understands that actresses deal with serious sexism and objectification. But he also says that he’s hurting too, you guys (or gals).

“There’s definitely a sexism in our industry that happens towards women, and there is towards men as well. At some points during photo shoots when I’m asked to strip down, I felt that.”

He adds that if he felt like he was getting acting jobs based solely on his sexiness, he’d quit acting.

Not surprisingly, the internet came for Kit Harington’s feelings about sexism not too soon after he expressed them by pointing out that there’s legitimate sexism in Hollywood, like paying actresses less than actors. I get it, but I also feel like this is a real apples/oranges situation. Yes, women don’t get paid enough in Hollywood. But there’s also a problem with buff-bodied men being paraded around like pieces of meat. Thick, meaty, shirtless, bulgy…sorry, what were we talking about again? Oh shit, I’m totally part of the problem, aren’t I? Sorry, Kit!

Pic: Men’s Journal

Unfortunately, it only drives for about three minutes, leaving the female riders still quite far from their destinations. – portapetey

Upvote winners (it’s a tie!):

Hey, I got rear-ended by that guy last week! – Jedeva

Dick Shift – razzledazzledumb

Pic: Break