These two stubborn kookaburras who got into the battle of the century over a piece of meat!

Whatever the longest battle on record is, these kookaburras are on their way to beating it. The only thing we know about this soon-to-be historical tug ‘o war (without that much tugging) showdown is that it supposedly started 30 minutes before this video was shot and that nothing would stop either of them from dropping that meat and letting the other trick win. Reddit user freshAU took the video and they said this about how this meat standoff started:

Just a bit of background – these are two wild kookaburras (two amongst seven or so) that come to our house. We were feeding these two and they caught the meat at the same time and proceeded to be frozen in this pose for over 30 minutes

freshAU tried to break up the fight by piling more meat on them, thinking that one of them would drop that shit and eat up the bounty of food before it, but nope. That didn’t work. This war wasn’t about the meat. It was about the win! They held onto that meat like they were a Kardashian and that meat was a black dick. They held onto that meat like they were two crazy bitches at a Walmart on Black Friday and that meat was a 25% off Roku. They held onto that meat like they were Rita Ora and that meat was a tiny bit of relevancy. They are an inspiration to us all.

And I don’t know if those kookaburras are taunting each other with those laughs or if they’re trying to tell the human to leave them the hell alone. This is between them!

Who knows how if it ever ended, but I bet they’re probably still going and they’ll keep going until the end of time. I also bet that the ghost of Jack Dawson wishes he was on that raft with one of those kookaburras instead of Rose, because unlike her ass, they would’ve never EVER let go.

via Sunshine Coast Daily (For Mel)

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Mike Fisher (36)
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Claus Norreen of Aqua (46)
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Rick Riordan (52)
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Muhammed Ali is gone. I understand even less about professional sports than I understand what is coming out from between Megan Fox’s Nik-l-Nip Wax Bottle lips. But even I know that a great sportsman has passed.

He also had a sense of humor. Watch him pranking some tykes in class back in the day. And get into the first kid’s shirt. Consider my retinas slashed and burned.

In her ongoing quest to insure that the public knows that she knows “stuff,” Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (I’m so glad for them) star Megan Fox got highly serious with the LA Times. In an interview promoting a film called Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (sorry, it bore repeating) Fox went in on deep stuff like string theory, what the Egyptian pyramids were really for, and how we the aforementioned public are just ass-brained animals believing everything we read because we continue to leave her intellect unrecognized.

Class begins after the jump!

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The theme of 2016’s Celebrity Prom will continue to be “Available” until further notice. Devi Lovato and Wilmer Valderrama announced the breakup of their six-year relationship in a co-signed post on both of their Instagram accounts yesterday.

Via US:

“This was an incredibly difficult decision for both of us, but we have realized more than anything that we are better as best friends. We will always be supportive of one another.”

Demi, 23, and Wilmer, 36, met when they were both shooting a Voto Latino PSA at Wilmer’s house in 2010. Demi told And Pop (via Bustle) that Wilmer won her over by complimenting her on using her Disney platform to do good things. These good things would include filming political action PSAs at his house to make it way more convenient for him to drill another barely legal House of Mouse starlet .

Celebrity feminist designator Demi is obviously continuing her subtle bedevilment of Taylor Swift with this maneuver. Just when we were drying our eyes from the tears shed over Swifty and DJ Matching Outfits reportedly breaking up, Demi tries eclipsing her ass with this!  She might as well have addressed that post to “Dear Fake-Ass Taylor”!

You can check out the Instagram post below (as well as pics of Demi performing with Brad Paisley on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last month). I’m not sure why it’s under the category of “Poems.” That shit is without iambic pentameter. It doesn’t even rhyme.

Pics: Splash

That gal on the right must be a Depp stan.

That primal grunting-turned-moan of delicious ecstasy you just heard booming across the land is Doug Stanhope‘s publicist nutting prior to a carefree dozing off in the wet spot. Amber Heard is suing the comedian over the essay he wrote for The Wrap accusing her of lying about being physically abused by her husband –  accessories enthusiast Johnny Depp.

According to Reuters, Amber’s legal reps filed a defamation of character lawsuit against Doug and 20 “unnamed individuals associated with the comedian” in Cochise County, Arizona yesterday. Do the members of that godawful Hollywood Vampires band, their road crew, and any Boniva-fueled groupies lying about the tour bus make 20?

Amber’s legal team is asking for a jury trial, and stated that Amber will donate all proceeds to an Arizona battered women’s shelter.

Stanhope also posted his official declaration of membership in the Amber Heard Is An Asshole Liar club on his own blog. He sez that Amber is trying to make everyone think that drunk-ass Johnny repeatedly mistook her name for “Slamber” because Depp wouldn’t give in to her blackmailin’ ways.

Make of this what you will. I’m with Michael K., though. Doug Stanhope’s girlfriend’s name is Bingo?

Here’s Amber Heard and a friend leaving an office building in Beverly Hills yesterday:

Pics: Splash