The pussy masseuse (pusseuse?) who kneads out knots and soothes nerves at a day spa in Japan!

I spent nearly 3 weeks taking care of my mom’s cats at her house, so I learned firsthand that next to the lazy legend who sat in line at Burger King, cats are God’s laziest creatures. The only time they would exert themselves would be to pull their lazy fur bodies off of their cat beds to eat, and even that physical activity is too much for them. One of my mom’s cats eats half of his food and lays down on the floor for a minute before eating the other half. Lazy trick needs a halftime during eatin’ times. Even my dog, who takes a nap after a nap, judges their asses. But #NotAllCats!

In Japan, there are some cats who work for their tuna. There was the late, great Tama the Station Cat who single-pawdedly kept the train system in Japan running! And apparently there’s a real day spa in Japan that employs cats as massage therapists. A video popped up on Facebook of a cat gently kneading its client over a blanket after its assistant lets its ass know to get to work. Pussies aren’t only experts at getting a massage, they’re expert massage artists too, so this isn’t surprising.

Once Calvin Harris hears that in Japan, you can easily get a pussy to rub against your back at a massage place, he’s going to get on the next plane.

I don’t even want to know what a happy ending from a pusseuse is. I’m guessing a “happy ending” after a cat massage is the pussy calmly jumping off of your back after kneading instead of letting you know it’s done by clawing at your damn head and face.

via Pickle

Robert Englund (69)
Ellie Kendrick (26)
Carl Barât (38)
Joy Enriquez (38)
Mondo Guerra (38)
Staci Keanan (41)
Uncle Kracker (42)
Sonya Walger (42)
Natalie Morales (44)
Max Casella (49)
Paul Giamatti (49)
Jason Isaacs (53)
Paul Nassif (54)
Steve Vai (56)
Jimmy Jam (57)
Colin Quinn (57)
Sandra Bernhard (61)
Harvey Fierstein (62)
Holly Near (67)

Pic: RobertEnglund.com

If you watched sexcub James Corden (how dare you judge me) drive Adele’s ass around on his Carpool Karaoke segment, you know she’s into the Spice Girls. The Patti Lupone of contemporary pop ballads provided us with further evidence that she just might have “Girl Power” tattooed on one multi-millionaire ass cheek and “ZIG-AH-ZIG-AH” inked on the other while performing in the Netherlands on Friday. She was chatting up the audience when she spontaneously began paying homage to Scary, Ginger, Posh, Sporty, and Baby.
The Huffington Post:

“Oh stop it, I’m not a Spice Girl,” she said before breaking into the chorus of “Spice Up Your Life,” satisfying her excited fans. She also did a little dance.

Check out the video below. Geri Halliwell, Mel C., and Emma Bunton (Ginger, Sporty, and Baby for those of you who were educated properly) reportedly re-tweeted the video. Mel B. and Victoria Beckham were too busy.

Adele having a Spice Girls moment. #AdeleLive2016 pic.twitter.com/iTrWtR7tRc

— AdeleNow (@AdeleNowuk) June 3, 2016

Throw your dramatic wall slides into reverse, Just Jared is reporting that Zayn Malik’s and Gigi Hadid’s immortal souls are still intertwined for all of eternity. Last week, there were reports that the young lovers had come to the end of their contractual obligations. But huzzah, they re-upped!

“Gigi and Zayn are still together,” a source close to the couple opened up to Just Jared. “The break-up reports are completely false. And they have met each other’s families despite the false rumors circulating.”

Gigi had already bested those reports by posting some coy Snapchat vids of herself lip-synching to Zayn’s song “Pillowtalk” while hosting the Maybelline New York LA Beauty Bash on Frid…is this what my life has come to?

It’s been grim around here with all the couples splitting. It seems like only seconds since Demi Lovato and that guy who played the problematic racial caricature on That 70s Show with the taste for Disney jailbait split. It’s like someone had brutally murdered Cupid, dismembered the body, and left all the pieces in a dumpster behind the Stop-N-Shop. But no – love is alive and well (until the end of the next contractual cycle)!

Check out some more of Gigi Hadid on the red carpet at something called Spike TV’s Guys Choice 2016 in the gallery below.

Pics: Splash

I know that was probably some sort of promotional red carpet selfie Twitter paddle (?) that they thrust into her hand, but they made her look crazed.

Wasn’t this a known quantity? In an interview with V magazine (via Huffington Post), actress Joanna Lumley referred to her queer icon character from Absolutely Fabulous, Patsy Stone, as “transgender.”

Joanna was talking about how the show was gay, gay, gay from gay..I mean day one.

“You go back and pick through it, the amount of gay references and ease with which it’s been put into the story, without it being dragged along like a great log of plot,” she said. “It’s really normal that one of [Edina’s] ex-husbands now lives with his young boyfriend. It’s completely normal that [Edina] wants Saffy [Edina’s long-suffering daughter] to be a lesbian or that Serge [Edina’s long long son] is gay and living in New York.”

She then added, “It’s completely normal that Patsy is transgender.”

Yeah, we know. Didn’t Patsy transition in Morocco in the 60s? (13:20) And then “it was only for a year and then it fell off”? Is the movie going to reveal that she transitioned twice? Why are they trying to play with a rabid AbFab fan like yours truly?

I’m all for it. I’m all for Patsy Stone doing whatever in anything. She should have been an Avenger. Marvel should be so lucky. (Although, I’m not sure you can make The Avengers any gayer.) In fact, I hope they release a docu-comedy of Patsy drunkenly staggering her ass down to North Carolina and using any damn bathroom she wants, annoying overly dramatic pinheads statewide!

Check out more pics below of the fabulous Joanna Lumley posing with Game of Thrones actress Emilia Clarke (and that Twitter spanking implement) at the Me Without You premiere in London last month.

Pics: Splash

Remember when I told you to reverse your dramatic wall slide in the previous post? Scratch that. Keep sliding, because former glittery joymaker and current Blanche Hudson impersonator Richard Simmons was taken to the hospital early Saturday morning! Rend your garments and curse the heavens!

According to TMZ, Simmons was taken to Cedars Sinai in LA for an evaluation. Someone at Richard’s home was prompted to call 911 around midnight because Simmons was reportedly exhibiting “strange behavior.”

Richard’s situation has been sort of iffy and mysterious for the past couple of years. He hasn’t been seen in public, and there was concern that his maid was re-enacting Whatever Happened to Baby Jane with Richard and his money. There’s even been talk of voodoo rituals! It’s an upsetting story because Richard is celebrity royalty and his satin short-shorts, sparkle pantyhose, and penchant for flamboyant fun have been lighting up our lives forever!

Simmons himself dialed up Entertainment Tonight and Today back in March to dispute the rumors and explain that he’s just gone into retirement. 

Get well soon, Richard Simmons!

P.S.  What exactly constitutes “strange behavior” for Richard Simmons? Tweed? Televised golf? What?

UPDATE: Richard was released from Cedars Sinai on Saturday. TMZ says that he was reportedly evaluated for a possible stroke or dementia because his housekeeper said that he was incoherent. Stay tuned?

Pic: Splash