Lock Up Your Female Disney Teen Stars

January 11, 2012 / Posted by:

Wilmer Valderrama’s got his eye on you, Chris Hansen.

The exit door to Mickey Mouse’s rehab center for the teen stars he helped to screw up now has a regular fixture named Wilmer Valderrama in front of it. Wilmer is available for any damaged barely legal teen star who needs a 31-year-old nutsack to cry on (“…and while you’re there” – Wilmer). Because E! News says that after humping on each other for about a year, 19-year-old Demi Lovato has taken her final ride on Wilmer’s self-proclaimed XXL chalupa dick. Demi might’ve confirmed this highly important breaking news on Twitter when she turned into the Emo of Anistons by re-Tweeting a Marilyn Monroe quote before Tweeting a few words of encouragement for herself:

“A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesn’t believe, and leaves before she is left.” Marilyn Monroe

The smartest thing a woman can ever learn, is to never need a man.

In other words, bitch got too old for Fez.

(Image via Pacific Coast News)

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