You probably spent your Thursday night lounging in your luxurious bathtub (a too-short tub that’s got an upside down Tupperware bowl over the drain because you lost the plug) filled with sumptuous bubbles (made with dish soap because you were out of Mr. Bubbles) while wearing multi-million dollar diamonds (a Fitbit that you were too lazy to take off). And guess what? So did Mimi!

After a long night of yodeling out new music in the studio, Mimi put on her casual bathin’ diamonds and got into the tub. I can hear you hating whores talking shit about Mimi’s eyelashes. Excuse you, but those aren’t fake eyelashes. Mimi’s eyelashes just naturally look like the brush on Barbie’s broom. Mimi posted that picture above on Instagram, as well as this one, which I’m sure is filter and Photoshop free.

That isn’t water from a ceiling bath filler. Flying above Mimi is a winged unicorn who is pissing into the tub after drinking 3 bottles of champagne. Champagne-infused unicorn piss is what keeps Mimi’s skin looking Photoshopped, dahling!

Pics: Instagram

Hollywood actress with a heart of organic patchouli Shailene Woodley may have started out her career on television, but that doesn’t mean she wants to go back there any time soon. Shailene Woodley is a movie actress now. And she recently said that there’s no way she’s going to slum it on (chokes back bone broth barf) television if the final film in the Divergent series is released there.

In July we learned that thanks to the poor box office numbers that Divergent: Allegiant brought in, Lionsgate was thinking about releasing the fourth and final film, Ascendant, as a made-for-TV movie or a television series. Ascendant hasn’t started filming yet. One thing is for sure: they better start auditioning brown-haired actresses for the part of Tris. Shailene tells Screen Rant (via Entertainment Weekly) that she will not show up on the first day of shooting if Ascendant is the kind of thing that will pop up in a future TV Guide.

“Last I heard they were trying to make it into a television show. I didn’t sign up to be in a television show. Out of respect to the studio and everyone in involved, they may have changed their mind and may be doing something different, but I’m not necessarily interested in doing a television show.”

I can see where Shailene is coming from. This would be like agreeing to drive 45 minutes for a date at the Cheesecake Factory and then getting a text message while you’re waxing your crotch that says “Just checked my bank balance. Can we change it to cheesecake bites from Sonic?” Um, no we can’t. Do not try to bait-and-switch me with a drive-through when I was promised the luxury of the Cheesecake Factory.

Pic: Splash

Not since a smallpox hospital burned down in the 1800s has Roosevelt Island seen a bigger disaster than the disaster that went down on Wednesday afternoon. Kanye West showed his latest collection of zombie rags and off-brand Capezio leotards for Yeezy, and it was a hot shit puddle of a mess from start to finish. Some models fainted, others nearly killed their ankles while trying to walk in the busted shoes and some fashion editors left after waiting more than an hour for it to start. Kanye’s collaborator and performance artist Vanessa Beecroft, who is a crazy mess in her own right, says that their shit show started 2 hours late, because it was meant to start 2 hours late, thankyouverymuch.

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In the dirty divorce days of Renee Zellweger’s random relationship with Kenny Chesney, the word that kept following them around was “fraud.” Fraud was the reason listed on their annulment papers for why their marriage ended after 4 months. Lots of people thought that “fraud” might have been a simple and more-subtle one-word way of saying “Surprise! Turns out the groom is gay!” (Kenny has since said the reason they undid their marriage was because his “box was too full“). Renee was recently reminded of those gay rumors during an interview with The Advocate to promote Bridget Jones’ Baby. I hope they brought a box of Kleenex, because the “Kenny Chesney is gay” talk is a real bummer for Renee.

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And as always, there’s two dudes saying everything you want to say with their faces…….

Lady Gaga queefed up her first solo single in three years last night, and when I first heard it, I had to double check to see if it was a cover. Because I could’ve sworn I heard it before during a montage scene in a straight-to-VHS movie about magicians from the late-80s. It also sounds like the opening theme song of a low-budget MacGyver knock-off that starred Greg Evigan and was canceled after 2 episodes.

Perfect Illusion was written and produced by Gaga, Mark Ronson, Kevin Parker of Tame Impala and BloodPop. (which yes, sounds like what a chick gets when she jacks off with a popsicle while on her period.) It sounds like so many things to me. I hear “a second-rate Stevie Nicks impersonator pinching her nose and doing a Count Chocula accent while singing a Hannah Montana B-side.” I also hear a touch of Kelly Osbourne’s cover of Papa Don’t Preach. (Here we go again!)

Some (the Little Monsters who’d worship it if it was nothing but a 3-minute loop of Gaga’s auto-tuned fart) love it and some hate it. It’s 80s-ish, so I don’t hate it. But I don’t luuuuuuuuuuuuh-aaaaahv it either. Okay, I hate it now, because it’s obviously stuck in my head.

And on a nice note (don’t get used to that), I do luuuuuuuh-aaaaaaav the “90s lot lizard wearing a crop top made by Reynolds Wrap” look that Lady Gaga worked in London today.

Pics: Wenn.com

Last week, UsWeekly and E! News informed us that Minka Kelly may be going through another repeat case of douchematization when they reported that she was dating Wilmer Valderrama again. Minka and Wilmer went on a couple of dates back in 2012, and sources said that they were dating again, a month after he broke up with Demi Lovato. Minka finally talked about the rumor that she’s doing Fez. You can stop sending Minka pamphlets for the Damn, She Needs To Love Herself conference, because she denies they’re together again.

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