The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS For September 8th!
Objects in mirror are closer than they appear, and they better have some fucking chocolate. – Tart of Darkness
Upvote winner:
Sorry, it’s that time of month, you’ll have to stick your load in my trunk. – Tart of Darkness
Pic: Catsmob
Hot Slut Of The Day!
Robby LaRiviere from Logo’s Finding Prince Charming!
After what felt like weeks of ESCANDALO stories, I thought that last night’s premiere of Logo’s “gay Bachelor” show Finding Prince Charming was going to be filled to the top with drama, messiness and fighting. But they should’ve called it Finding A Pulse, because it was like watching security camera footage from a morgue full of pretty people, or mannequins in a mannequin factory. The Prince Charming (NSFW rent boy turned interior designer Robert Sepulveda) is so lifeless and wooden, and so are most of the contestants. There was no major fight! There was no drunken vomiting in the pool! There was no making out! There was no scheming! No one ate a sweet potato (not a euphemism)! Maybe everyone involved was on their best behavior and held back because they didn’t want to look “bad.” It’s trashy reality TV. Your job is to look bad. It’s what the people want!
BUT there was one bright shining spot…
Birthday Sluts
Adam Sandler (50)
Damian McGinty (24)
Hunter Hayes (25)
Afrojack (29)
Yung Berg (31)
Julie Gonzalo (35)
Michelle “Not The Destiny’s Child One” Williams (36)
Michael Bublé (41)
Goran Visnjic (44)
Eric Stonestreet (45)
Henry Thomas (45)
Julia Sawalha (48)
Charles Esten (51)
Constance Marie (52)
Hugh Grant (56)
Angela Cartwright (64)
Dave Stewart (64)
Tom Wopat (65)
Topol (81)
Sylvia Miles (84)
Pic: ASI
Night Crumbs
Michael Fassbender (whose peen looks like it’s trying to get comfortable in his pant leg, just let me believe) says that he “gets off” while watching his movies with an audience for the first time. So the next time he watches a movie with an audience for the first time, he shouldn’t be surprised when they all turn away from the screen and face him as they wait for him to “get off” – Lainey Gossip
NeNe Leakes says that Kim Zolciak is going back to The Real Housewives of Atlanta next season. Since Sheree Whitfield is also going back again, I hope we get an encore performance of Sheree shifting Kim’s wig – Reality Tea
Irina Shayk’s impersonation of a mannequin in Glamour Russia is pretty spot-on – Drunken Stepfather
Joe ManJello is playing Deathstroke in Ben Affleck’s Batman movie. I am all for this if Deathstroke is a villain who strokes himself until he’s hard and then uses his dick to beat his enemies – The Superficial
Chris Pine loves Gay Sulu – Towleroad
Kim Kartrashian looks like two hams in an oven bag – The Nip Slip
In the future, I may find myself staring at that damn hospital door on a live feed again, because Duchess Kate and Prince William are maybe thinking about having another baby royale – Jezebel
Please don’t tell me that Emily RideAJetSki is wearing Yeezy – Hollywood Tuna
Paulie from Big Brother showed his bro nalgas – OMG Blog
Let them eat cake, cake, cake, cake, cake: RiRi posed as some kind of 90s Marie Antoinette – IDLYITW
You know, I’ve been telling people forever that Grease is really a dying teenager’s coma fantasy – SOW
Melissa George went to the hospital after she was allegedly beaten up by her husband partner in Paris – Just Jared
And after that horrific shit, here’s an acid trip cat ballet – Popsugar
Pic: Getty
A Mattress Store In Texas Thought It Was A Really Good Idea To Do A 9/11-Themed Ad For Their “Twin Towers” Sale
Florida, go ahead and take the rest of the day off, because today, Texas is providing the high-octane fuckery!
I guess Miracle Mattress of Texas saw the extremely tasteful soda Twin Towers sculpture at a Walmart in Florida and decided to outdo those messes hard. And how! At least three people at that company decided three things:
1) Doing a “Twin Towers” mattress sale on 9/11 is a brilliant idea.
2) Doing an ad where they stack mattresses like the twin towers and then fall into them while screaming is another brilliant move.
3) Uploading it onto the internet so that everyone can see is yet another brilliant move.
Tom Hiddleston Is The One Who Dumped Taylor Swift, Okay?
Six seconds after Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston decided not to renew their short-term contract, I mean, breakup, both of their PR teams stopped playing nice and prepared for battle. They took off their earrings, pulled their hair back and stretched the finger they’d need to call UsWeekly, TMZ, Life & Style, The Sun, The Daily Mail and all the other tabloid tricks out there. Taylor and Tom’s PR teams probably went from texting each other heart-shaped emojis while planning their clients’ next photo-op location to shanking at each other through the tabloids. It’s war!