McDonald’s Has Sent Ronald Away Until The Clowns Stop Terrorizing The World

October 12, 2016 / Posted by:

Everyone in the world who isn’t doing themselves up in clown drag to scare people are singing the opposite of what Desiree sings in A Little Night Music. We’re all singing, “Send AWAY the clowns.” (Yes, I’m that theater queen who makes an A Little Night Music reference in a post about terrifying clowns.)

Clowns are currently fucking up the world. They’re clogging up our jails, they’reĀ causing our schools to go on lockdown, they’re killing the careers of professional nice clowns, and one of the most terrifying clowns in history is running for POTUS. We’re under a clown-idemic and now McDonald’s has announced that they’re cutting down onĀ Ronald McDonald’s appearances until this clown hysteria is over.

A rep for McDonald’s gave this statement to NBC News:

“McDonald’s and franchisees in the local markets are mindful of the current climate around clown sightings in communities. And, as such, are being thoughtful in respect to Ronald McDonald’s participation in community events for the time being.”

Yes, that is a real statement. I bet the publicist who wrote it cackled so hard while writing it that their co-worker in the office next door mistook them for a killer clown and called the police.

I never really like Ronald McDonald. Those arch brows look more like sad stunted chola brows to me and his current hairstyle is a 20 cent knock-off of Chantal Biya’s flaming hair halo. But I feel bad that his checks are going to be smaller. I also know what’s really going on here now. Those creepy clowns were working toward this. They wanted to mess with McDonald’s business. I bet if you followed one of those clowns, they would lead you right to the backdoor of the White House where you’d see Michelle Obama giving them a stack of money. Those creepy clowns are all part of Michelle Obama’s master plan to take down the fast food industry*! Thanks, (Michelle) Obama!

* This 100% fact has been paid for and approved by Donald J. Trump For President, Inc.


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