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Open Post: Hosted By The Return Of Costco’s Wine Advent Calendar
At the end of the day, no matter what horrible shit is going on around the country, there will always be two creature comforts that withstand it all: wine and Costco. And, fortunately for some, Christmas has come early in the form of Costco’s legendary Wine Advent Calendar, aka alcoholism in a box. That’s right, the next time you’re picking up a pallet of sour cream and an industrial drum of mayo, you can mosey on down to the booze aisle and pick yourself up––let’s be real, nobody is buying these things as gifts for other people––12 days of holiday cheer (or 1 afternoon of absolute bliss).
Sharon Osbourne Wants You To Know That She And Ozzy Still Do It Several Times A Week
71-year-old Ozzy Osbourne and 67-year-old Sharon Osbourne have been married for 38 years, and even though he’s fucked around on her a lot, she told everyone that they still have a healthy fuck life. I guess that’s for everyone who already doesn’t know that seniors fuck! All I can say is, Ozzy and Sharon regularly humping is much, much, much, much, much better than some of the other stuff these two used to get up to.
Jim Carrey Brought Out His Joe Biden On The Season Premiere Of “Saturday Night Live”
After finishing up last season with those acid-trip at-home episodes, Saturday Night Live was back in the studio for its 46th season and performed for an audience made up of a handful of first responders in masks who were probably thinking, “Err, should I be taking a risk for this!?” For the cold open, Alec Baldwin slapped another fire hazard on his head to squint and pout as Donald Trump, Maya Rudolph was back as Kamala Harris, and Jim Carrey debuted his Joe Biden. But because the current news cycle is like a deranged roadrunner on speed, they should’ve just opened with a view of the writers’ head spinning while trying to keep up with the news.
Open Post: Hosted By The Fyre-Festival-Style Meal Served At A Wedding
People are still pushing ahead with wedding plans, despite everything that is going on. And while some might consider a wedding to be the perfect excuse to leave the house, one couple has done everything in their power to keep people away, including serving a sad reception meal. And although Ja Rule would look at this photo and say, “I don’t see a problem‘” some of the wedding guests were not into it. Well, somebody let them know that IN THIS ECONOMY, you gotta serve what you gotta serve.
Shawn Mendes Talked About Those Quarantine Zombie Walks With Camila Cabello
Shawn Mendes has a new album coming out (and honestly, if you’ve heard one Shawn Mendes song you’ve heard them all), so lately he’s been making his rounds, doing online interviews and other boring promo stuff including talking about one-half of the beautiful, organic union: CabMen. During a virtual visit to SiriusXM, he was asked about ~those~ early quarantine zombie walks he took with his girlfriend (STILL) Camila Cabello. And, believe it or not, the story is as riveting as you’d think (no it’s not)!
Claudia Conway Announced On TikTok That Her Mother Kellyanne Has Coronavirus (UPDATE)
UPDATE: Claudia Conway has also tested positive for coronavirus.
One quick second after we all found out that Hope Hicks, Donald Trump, and Melania Trump shocked the shit out of the world by catching coronavirus even though they’ve taken every single precaution imaginable (read: the complete opposite of that), many GOPers have also tested positive. Chris Christie, who’s been helping with Trump’s campaign and was at the mostly mask-less SCOTUS nomination ceremony in the Rose Garden at the White House last Saturday, tested positive for COVID-19. So have Senators Ron Johnson (of Wisconsin), Mike Lee (of Utah), and Thomas Tillis (of North Carolina). Mike Lee and Thomas Tillis were at that SCOTUS nomination ceremony too (Johnson was not because he was already in quarantine after having been exposed to coronavirus).
Trump’s former right-hand-ghoul, Kellyanne Conway, was also at that ceremony last weekend. And what do you know? Coronavirus cha cha cha’d right up into her nostrils and mouth. And the news was announced on TikTok by her daughter Claudia Conway.