Archives: January 2019
Open Post: Hosted By Andy King On Being Called The Blowjob King
Andy “Blowjob” King not only became the MVP (most valuable peen-sucker) of the Fyre Festival when he agreed to suck a Bahamian custom official’s dick for bottles of Evian to be cleared for the festival (he didn’t have to go through with it), but he also became Employee of the Century and a meme star. Because Netflix is Netflix and they have 4,589,000 shows to pay for, they’re milking that moment like Andy King trying to get Evian into the Bahamas.
Jeff Bezos Wants To Know How The National Enquirer Got Its Hands On His N00dz
The early days of a relationship (or affair) are just the best…you gush really stupid shit to each other that would be deemed certifiably insane and emotionally unstable by an outside audience, you send lots of emojis, and there’s definitely the occasional peen pic or 50. Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez were doing that behind the backs of their spouses, and The National Enquirer got wind of that and spilled the tea to the rest of us. Now Jeff is out with a vengeance to see who handed off his dick pics to them. Hint: he thinks it may have something to do with Trump.
Beyonce And Jay-Z Entice Fans With Lifetime Concert Tickets If They Try Veganism
If you thought you’d be running to the store to grab vegetables today, scrap those plans for about the next two weeks because there won’t be any left for miles and miles. And you can thank Jay-Z and Beyonce for the impending drought. In an attempt to get their fans to stop shoving tons of delicious meat into their hungry pie holes, they are offering one lucky fan the opportunity to score free concert tickets for life. And all it will cost them is trying out a vegan diet first.
Ben Affleck Is Officially Hanging Up His Bat Wings As “The Batman” Moves Forward Without Him
The Batman is dead. Long live The Batman. Ben Affleck can stop patching up his batsuit with Fix a Flat and exhale, because he won’t be returning as The Batman in the upcoming Matt Reeves helmed standalone movie of the same name. This should surprise nobody since Ben’s sloppy brother Casey Affleck already kinda-sorta spilled the beans all down the front of his lumberjack flannel. Also, we could all tell that Ben’s heart wasn’t in it anymore. We’ll never forget when Ben tried to snag an Oscar for his stirring portrayal of STAINS The Dog (Dlisted’s Hot Slut of The Year, 2009) during that press conference with Superman. If Ben still loved The Batman, he would have gotten the Bat Signal tattooed on his back instead of a fire turkey.
This Is What Justin Bieber’s Clothing Line Looks Like
When I saw those cheap dollar store slippers Justin Bieber teased his fans with last month, I knew his upcoming clothing line was going to be a visual piece of art that would invoke class and sophistication. And, sarcasm. I knew his clothing line was going to keep my eyes on a continuous loop of rolling because I expected it to be horrible and it actually turned out worse.
JWoww Shared Video Of Her Estranged Husband Violently Pushing Her To The Ground
Remember when Jersey Shore used to be a bit of escapist fun that allowed us to mock a bunch of self-involved, bro’d and ho’d out ding dongs? Well, that reality show is over and a new kind of reality has taken over. The once fun loving JWoww, aka Jenni Farley, is now filled with rage. In a lengthy blog post on her website, Jenni shared video of her estranged husband, Roger Mathews, violently throwing her to the floor. She says she made the decision to share that private moment (as well as a number of recorded arguments, police reports, and text messages between her and the couple’s nanny) as self-defense against all the lies she alleges Roger has been spreading about her, claiming she will stop at nothing to keep him from his children, 2-year-old Greyson Valor, and 4-year-old Meilani Alexandra.