Archives: January 2019
Night Crumbs
Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel went out to celebrate his birthday, and he posted a video of her passed out. Either Jessica is just having a natural reaction to being in the presence of Justin Timberlake, or she’s pretending to be asleep so she won’t have to “act” like she’s listening to what’s coming out of his mouth, or she finally gave in after he begged and begged her to pretend she’s asleep so he can make an Instagram funny – Lainey Gossip
Ace Frehley has accused Gene Simmons of slander, groping his wife, and his wife also claims that KISS tried to have him killed in the Bahamas. Screw, Bohemian Rhapsody, the musical biopic of the decade is the KISS biopic and that shit hasn’t even been made yet – Pajiba
Bebe Rexha, stop shimmying out a fart for your followers, and clean your damn room! – Drunken Stepfather
Now THIS is my kind of activism – Towleroad
“Carnivore Queen” is the reboot of Billy Ocean’s “Caribbean Queen” that nobody needs or wants – Popoholic
After losing her mansion in the California wildfires, Camille Grammer is now living in a trailer that I’m sure is bigger than all of our apartments combined – Reality Tea
The CW renewed Dynasty for another season, which tells me that executives are just begging for the only Alexis Carrington I knowledge to steal their spouses and get controlling share in their company – SOW
The neon turd that was Suicide Squad is getting a reboot courtesy of James Gunn – Celebitchy
“And soon I will add a very special ingredient to our rosé: BRAD’S BLOOOOD” is probably what was in Angelina Jolie’s original statement about their wine business – Just Jared
Pic: Instagram
A Celine Dion Movie (Which Isn’t A Biopic, Okay?) Is Happening
I thought the Queen of Quebec had already had a biopic done about her years ago, but I guess Titanic, my Livejournal entries about her wack-a-doodle time in Paris, and millions of lip dubs around the world don’t count. Celine Dion will be the subject of an upcoming biopic, aptly called The Power Of Love. Alas, it sounds like the movie will be more along the lines of a Mamma Mia fictional piece than a teary sit down where Oprah describes how Celine was the only reason she kept that talk show going for 25 years.
Jeff Lewis And Gage Edward From “Flipping Out” Are Taking A Break
It’s only a matter of time before Jeff Lewis is officially gay Scrooge and is holed up by his lonesome in his immaculately renovated Los Feliz mansion, and has to resort to yelling at the air or screaming at the Postmates delivery person who quickly drops his taco salad on the doorstep before running off. Because soon, there won’t be a living thing in the Los Angeles area that hasn’t completely washed their hands of Jeff Lewis and his signature asshole ways. He’ll have nobody to yell at anymore!
My favorite part of Bravo’s Flipping Out, Jeff’s longtime housekeeper/queen of the house Zoila quit his ass a while ago and their relationship isn’t what it used to be. Jeff’s longtime assistant Jenni Pulos left in a train wreck of a split. Even Bravo is probably done with Jeff, and the surrogate who carried his daughter is so done with him that she’s suing him for shaming her coochie on camera by calling it hairy and big (I know, Jeff is bold for shaming a vagina while he’s got deflated vagina lips on his mouth). And now Jeff’s professional and personal partner is done with him. He’s announced that Gage Edward (or Barbie Bitch as Zoila called him) has moved out of their house.
Showtime Has Officially Ordered “The L Word” Revival
The lady pond has been refilled! After years of toying with the idea, Showtime announced earlier today that it has greenlighted the revival of The L Word. It’s been AGES since I’ve spent the better part of a Saturday morning hungover in bed wondering if I was more of a Bette or a Shane, and now I’ll get to reboot that ritual along with the series since some of the originals are coming back!
Ariana Grande Tried To Fix Her New Tattoo And It’s Still Wrong
Kids, let this be a lesson that whenever you decide to get a new tattoo, especially one with Japanese characters, please know what it says first. Because if not, you’ll end up like Ariana Grande who initially thought she was getting a tattoo on her palm to celebrate her new single “7 Rings” and ended up as a walking billboard for an outdoor appliance. Realizing she made a huge mistake, she immediately had the tattoo removed and started over from scratch. Actually, that’s what she should have done, but instead she added more characters to it and now the tattoo doesn’t make any damn sense at all.
Donald Trump Commented On The Attack Of Jussie Smollett As It Pertains To The Wall
Our fearless leader Donald Trump is really something else. Call him what you will, but at least he’s consistent. Who else could turn a direct question about the attack on Jussie Smollett into a diatribe about his fucking wall. During an Oval Office press conference, Omarosa’s sworn enemy (and therefore a hero of mine) April Ryan asked Trump if he had any comment on Jussie’s racist and homophobic ordeal. Before she could finish her question, Trump jumped in with some milquetoast platitudes and immediately pivoted his comments to discuss the fact that we’re allowing drug dealers and human traffickers into this country, calling that “the worst sin”. So sorry, folks. Per the President of the United States, words and their inherent meanings have been cancelled until further notice.