Chicago PD Released Grainy Pictures Of “Persons Of Interest” In The Attack On Jussie Smollett 

Police in Chicago announced last night that after going through hours upon hours of surveillance camera footage from various buildings and parking garages in the area where Jussie Smollett’s attack happened, they have pulled out dark, grainy footage of two “persons of interest” walking down the street. When I think of Person of Interest, I think of that other show that starred Taraji P. Henson, but Chicago PD didn’t release pictures of Mel Gibson’s Jesus (aka Jim Caviezel) and Ben from Lost (aka Michael Emerson). Although, the footage they released could be of Jim Caviezel and Michael Emerson. Hell, it could be footage of Bigfoot or the Chupacabra (sitting on Slender Man’s shoulders) in parkas. Or fat low-res shadows. Or literally anybody who owns black clothes in Chicago. But sarcasm aside, there is a reason why police want to talk to these persons of interest.

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Cardi B And Offset Are Back Together

Welp, that publicity stunt break up lasted almost a full two months. Longer than I thought it would. Kudos to them. “Sources” are telling TMZ that Cardi B and Offset have decided to move on from all the cheating and get back together. And with Cardi’s new foray into politics, she’ll need a man to stand next to her on podiums when she gives rousing campaign speeches.

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Cancel Valentine’s Day: Frankie Grande Is No Longer In A Throuple

UsWeekly is saying that Frankie Grande is no longer the third wheel of that romantic throuple he had going on with married couple Daniel Sinasohn and Mike Pophis. Cancel romance forever! If these three gays can’t make love work, who can?

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

KFC’s scam ass Cheeetos Chicken Sandwich!

It took them over two years to do their own version of Taco Bell’s Cheetos Quesadilla, but Taco Bell’s brother in fast food foolery KFC finally butt-burped out the Cheetos Chicken Sandwich. I shouldn’t be asshole-y about them taking two years, because they obviously hired several acclaimed Michelin-starred chefs to spend hundreds of hours in the kitchen coming up with a technically advanced gourmet dish that involves throwing a fried chicken patty, some Cheetos, and egg cum (read: mayo) between two buns. If Brit Brit Spears was Ally Sheedy’s Cap’n Crunch sandwich-eating Breakfast Club character, this is the sandwich she’d whip up during lunch break.

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Birthday Sluts

Night Crumbs

Because more allegations of raping underage boys have come out against him, Bryan Singer’s career might be floating in the gutter and headed toward the sewer, but don’t worry, he’ll cry on a mountain of $40 million thanks to Bohemian Rhapsody bringing in $800 million worldwide. Bohemian Rhapsody making that much is what’s really got me going “huh?” My guess is that 99.999% of ticket buyers were Freddie Mercury purists who wanted to hate watch the sanitized story of their god. That must be it. And this goes to show you once again that most people have shit taste. I mean, Bohemian Rhapsody made $800 million while a real gritty cinematic masterpiece like Showgirls barely makes $8! – Towleroad

Michelle Pfeiffer is giving you “elegant pearl necklace bukkake” while in costume as her Maleficent 2 character – Lainey Gossip

Um, somebody tell Miley Cyrus that motor boating a palm tree (or whatever kind of plant that is, what do I look like? Poison Ivy?!) might be a little dangerous – Drunken Stepfather

Victoria Pedretti should’ve turned down the lead role in the second season of You for the simple fact that the character’s name is Love Quinn – Pajiba

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