Category: One Direction

Louis Tomlinson Would Like His Baby Mama To Quiet Down

July 3, 2016 / Posted by:

Lower-tier One Direction member Louis Tomlinson is currently brawling with ex-girlfriend Briana Jungwirth over custody of their 5-month-old son Freddie Reign. He’s filed for joint custody. TMZ sez that Louis is now willing to avoid painful legal proceedings if Briana would keep his name out of her various social media accounts’ mouths. He also wants pre-approval of any picture of Freddie that she wants to post (probably with the hashtag #ATMBaby).

Briana’s response to this was basically “it’s my kid, and I’ll post a picture of him and every single dirty diaper he creates if I damn well feel like it.” She also reportedly noted that she’s never talked shit about Louis online so he should just calm his boy bander tits. Or something to that effect. I’m way hungover and paraphrasing is my bestie today.

Louis supposedly thinks that his current girlfriend Danielle Campbell is making his ex’s teeth gnash with jealousy hence the withholding of child. Briana has countered with her feeling that Danielle is just a psycho One Direction stan and she’s nervous because new girl knows where her ass lives and has the security code to her gated home. My feeling is that I need to get knocked up by a pop star so I can have him buy a house for me that has cool shit like a gate and security codes and probably a water feature in back. Why can’t I have ovaries?


Louis Tomlinson Wants 50/50 Custody Of His Baby

June 30, 2016 / Posted by:

As luck would have it, I’m once again the goddamned Pied Piper of baby stories. Usually it’s about someone pushing one out, but today I get to tell you all about some baby mess. No, I won’t be talking about barf and the shits, as much as I’d like to. We’re talking custody! And, well, kind of babies fighting for custody of a baby, because Louis Tomlinson and his babymama Briana Jungwirth are basically still chirruns. (Note from Allison: Louis is actually 24 years old, to which I say: “Whaaaat?“).

TMZ is saying that shit is about to get all kinds of legal for these two and their baby, Freddie Reign. Louis has reportedly had it up to here (the here is the top of the playpen, the highest point he can reach wid his widdle hand) with Briana denying him access to Freddie. Source types are saying Briana has been “inconsistent” with letting Louis spend time with Freddie, despite him dropping $15k into her bank account every month and getting her and the baby a house in Calabasas.

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The Year Is 2016 And I’ve Written A Post About Kenny Chesney Being The Second Biggest Money-Maker In Music 

May 6, 2016 / Posted by:

It feels like I haven’t written about Kenny Chesney since the Renee Zellweger days when their 6-minute-long marriage ended in “fraud” and he blamed it on his “box” being too full at the time and not being able to handle all of the attention from the media. I don’t know if Kenny’s box is still full, but I do know that his bank accounts are overflowing with dollars the same way your panties are overflowing with twatty leche from looking at that picture of him in that hot sleeveless T.

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Zayn Malik May Have Permanently Tattooed An Ad For His Album Onto His Face

March 13, 2016 / Posted by:

Ah! The joys of being young and dumb. At no other time do we approach just about everything with such reckless abandon… Zayn Malik. And his new face tattoo. Face. Tattoo.

Zayn posted the above picture on his Instagram and has sent shockwaves, SHOCKWAVES, through the internet. Countless toddler devotees have reportedly been throwing themselves out windows, slitting their wrists and upending their toy boxes in shock and rage. I can understand their outrage. If my favorite got a crappy drawing of a parrot possibly taking a dump on some flowers (That’s what I see because I love shit and toilet jokes.) with its butt blocked out by a scroll plugging his new album I’d be pretty mad too.

Yes, apparently “M.O.M” stands for “Mind of Mine“, the name of his new album. Zayn captioned the pic with, “Like I Would,” which is the name of his new song. Some people are taking that to mean this is a joke, or rather… a stunt! UsWeekly pointed out some comments and tweets in response to this possible Crayola disaster, such as “Please let that be a drawing! Not a real tattoo!”, “Zayn’s tattoo better be fake or I’m unstanning” and “Why your beautiful face?? @zaynmalik WHYYY???? DONT RUIN IT”.

He has over 40 tattoos, most of them questionable, so this very well could be real. If Harry Styles can get that Silence of the Lambs looking chest tattoo, what’s to stop Zayn from this mess? Whatever the case, my feelings about him, this tattoo and One Direction in general can all be summed up by the best comment on the picture – “EWEWWWWWW!!! OMG WHY!

Pic: Instagram

Cheryl Tweedy Rebounds With Liam Payne From One Direction

February 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Although spring is a little ways off, love is in the air! Can’t you feel it? Though your toes are numb, your face frozen and you’re hungover – you read DListed, I know you’re hungover, I don’t need my Detective LaToya brand magnifying glass or fingerprint dusting kit to figure that out, my dear Mr. Watson – you can feel the warmth of true love floating through the air and between the empty boxes of wine. Who do we have to thank for this blast of joy? Cheryl Tweedy Cole Fernandez-Versini and Liam Payne!

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Louis Tomlinson And His Baby Mother Are Fighting Over Money

February 26, 2016 / Posted by:

Louis Tomlinson, the OshKosh B’gosh Luke Perry of One Direction, and his baby mother, Briana Jungwirth, have been fighting over $$$$$ ever since she gave birth to their son, Freddie Reign, a month ago. The Sun claimed that Louis and Briana worked out a child support agreement and that it was decided that he’ll drop $14,000 into her checking account every month for the next 18 years. But TMZ says that it ain’t so, and they’re still tussling over child support money. Briana wants more of it and Louis wants to pay her less. Tale as old as gold digger time….

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