Category: Michael Jackson

Paris Jackson Also Thinks That Her Father Was Murdered

January 24, 2017 / Posted by:

Paris Jackson is far, far, far from being the little girl whose dad, Michael Jackson, tried to protect by covering her face with a mask whenever she went out in public. Paris Jackson is now an Alice Cooper-loving 18-year-old with more than 50 tattoos who is working on a modeling career. I had to type the words, “with more than 50 tattoos,” with my nose, because as soon as I was reminded that Paris Jackson is 18, my hands wrinkled, my nails shrank and I’ve got the arthritis in a bad way now. It’s a good thing that a day nurse also showed up when I was reminded that Paris is 18, because I’m going to need someone to open my caramel squares for me.

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The World Will Not Be Further Traumatized By The Image Of Joseph Fiennes As Michael Jackson

January 13, 2017 / Posted by:

When it was first announced early last year that Joseph Fiennes was going to play Michael Jackson in some British TV thing about the rumored magical road trip that MJ, Elizabeth Taylor and Marlon Brando went on after the 9/11 attacks, there was outrage over a white actor doing blackface, err whiterface, to play MJ. But Sky Arts went through with the fuckery anyway and the result gave us the retina-burning sight of Joseph Fiennes looking like a melting white chocolate Kinder egg in a $1.99 wig.

A quick minute after Sky Arts released the trailer for Urban Myths, Michael Jackson’s daughter Paris Jackson said on Twitter that it grossed her out and left her highly offended. The outrage from Michael Jackson’s family was enough for Sky Arts to torch that episode of Urban Myths along with that prosthetic mask Joseph Fiennes wore.

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Like Many, This Made Paris Jackson Want To Barf

January 12, 2017 / Posted by:

On Tuesday night, UK’s Sky Arts wet farted up the trailer for Urban Myths and I’m sure that night, many had trouble sleeping, because every time they closed their eyes, they saw the terrifying image of Joseph Fiennes looking like a melting Matt Lauer Claymation figure in lazy Jack White cosplay. Michael Jackson’s 18-year-old daughter, Paris Jackson, pretty much feels the same way and spit out her feelings on Twitter.

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Wade Robson Claims That Michael Jackson And His Minions Ran The Most Sophisticated Child Sexual Abuse Operation In The World

September 14, 2016 / Posted by:

Choreographer and So You Think You Can Dance guest judge Wade Robson threw a lawsuit at MJJ Productions in 2013, claiming that Michael Jackson sexually abused him from the age of 7 to the age of 14. One judge threw out the case in 2015, because according to them, 33-year-old Wade Robson waited way too long to file it. (Yes, we are living in a world where claims of sexual abuse have an expiration date on them.) But the case is back on. The brain-melting disturbing details of the lawsuit were sealed up back then, but recently his new lawyer Vince Finaldi added a new complaint and The Hollywood Reporter published it. The new complaint claims that two of Michael Jackson’s companies acted as fronts for finding new victims.

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The Porn Iguana Tried To Summon The Spirit Of Michael Jackson, And It Worked!

April 4, 2016 / Posted by:

And judging by that SANS FARDS picture of the aftermath, Courtney Stodden also summoned the spirit of Angelica Pickles’ busted down Cynthia doll. Because The Porn Iguana definitely looks like Angelica Pickles used her to beat Tommy in the head before running over her with a tricycle.

Last night, the air in Southern California smelled like burnt plastic, and I figured that one of the Kartrashians farted again. But now I know what really happened. When you’re Courtney Stodden and you mix together massive amounts of Trader Joe’s wine, dark magic and a thirst for likes, you end up with a crispy fried rayon weave. Courtney and her purple rhinestone of a friend Sham Ibrahim held a seance on Periscope last night and tried to get Michael Jackson’s spirit to moonwalk into their presence. It worked, because Ghost Michael Jackson busted out a reboot of his Pepsi commercial on Courtney’s head:

Maybe that wasn’t the spirit of Michael Jackson at all. Maybe it was Lucifer who took that open portal into Courtney’s house because he was coming to drag one of his minions, Doug Hutchison, down into the underworld with him. Or maybe it was Marilyn Monroe slapping at The Porn Iguana for wet scooting over her image time and time again. Yeah, that has to be it.

Pics: Splash, @CourtneyStodden

Michael Jackson’s Estate Just Made $750 Million By Selling His Share Of Sony/ATV Music

March 15, 2016 / Posted by:

You know that exactly 0.3 seconds after that headline was released to the world, all four Jacksons in the picture above received a “Hey, what’s up?” text from cash-sniffing bloodhound Jermaine Jackson.

Last year it was reported that Michael Jackson’s Estate has made $2 billion since moonwalking his way up to Heaven back in 2009. Now TMZ is saying we can go ahead and change that number to “nearly $3 billion.” Sony has recently announced that they’re buying Michael Jackson’s share of Sony/ATV Music Publishing for $750 million. Since MJ is dead, all the money goes to his estate, which benefits his children, Prince, Paris, and Blanket Jackson, and his momma, Katherine Jackson.

The reason for that huge-ass payout is because Michael Jackson owned 50% of Sony/ATV. That’s also where that whole “Michael Jackson owns The Beatles’ music catalog” thing came from. Not only did MJ make money off The Beatles, but he also owned 50% of the publishing rights to many other famous songs, including “New York, New York“, “Moon River“, “Jailhouse Rock“, and the Mission: Impossible theme. Sony/ATV has gone on to become the largest music publishing company in the world, so it makes sense that they wouldn’t want to keep handing over half of their profits to a person who has been dead for almost 7 years.

Along with a $750 million check, Michael Jackson’s estate will also get to keep all the songs he wrote and a bunch of others that he purchased while he was still alive.

Obviously at least a third of that money should be reinvested into La Toya Jackson’s…whatever she wants it for, really (don’t ask questions). But whatever is left over should be used to spend as they wish. Since Sony/ATV just turned the Jackson kids from “fucking super rich” to “really fucking super rich“, I think they should use some of that cash to change their names to reflect that. Prince Michael should change his to King, Paris can upgrade to France, and Blanket can now go by Cashmere Throw.

Pic: Splash

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