If you read that headline and came (I can stop right there, I know) into the post thinking that you were going to get footage of Jon Hamm making out with the Hammaconda, then curse out that oversized Keebler Elf James Corden for setting this gag up. A gag that sadly doesn’t involve Jon Hamm gagging on some Hammaconda head.
The Superman suit isn’t the only spandex superhero costume that Warner Bros. might have to think about filling with a new actor. Rumors that Ben Affleck is done playing Batman have been circulating for over a year now, and Warner Bros. has never commented on that. If Warner Bros. is thinking of replacing Ben, Jon Hamm is up for it.
As if the addition of Miles Teller didn’t add enough douche bro fumes to the upcoming reboot of Top Gun, the ghost of Jon Hamm’s fraternity hazing past will also be haunting the set. Deadline reports that in addition to Jon, Ed Harris, and Lewis Pullman (son of MY president Bill Pullman), will also be joining the cast of Top Gun 2: Look Who’s Topping.
A few years ago, Star Magazine published a story of fucked-up hazing abuse that Jon Hamm allegedly participated in during his time at the Sigma Nu fraternity in 1990. Jon never commented about it. Three years later, and Esquire brought it up during an interview. As it turns out, the hazing incident is right up there with his crotch sausage on the list of things Jon Hamm doesn’t want to talk about.
Page Six is reporting that Dakota Johnson might be getting all up on The Hammaconda. Dakota and Jon Hamm were spotted slurping down wine last week at a hotel bar in NYC after he hosted the Brooklyn Black Tie Ball.
Everyone involved in this story sounds like an asshole. Also, ever since I read the frat hazing story about Jon Hamm, I’ve been over Don Draper and his giant schlong. (Unlike Michael K., I’m a butt man.) According to court documents, Jon was the ringleader of some University Of Texas frat brahs that allegedly set a pledge on fire, dragged him around by a claw hammer under his junk, and paddled him hard enough to do kidney damage and FRACTURE HIS SPINE. Dude sounds like the torture porn version of a Revenge of the Nerds villain. Jeesh, just keep it slightly homoerotic and spank the kid a little, brahs. Where was I? Oh, right.