Much as Kristian predicted on Friday, it wasn’t a very good weekend for Elon Musk. Normally a shitty weekend for Elon might be one in which he returns from the weed shop to find Azealia Banks at his front door. This weekend in particular saw Elon losing his title as chairman of Tesla Inc., a title he’s had since 2004. Is there a strain of sativa called Bummed-Out Billionaire? Because Elon’s probably going to need about a pound of it.
It’s gonna be a rough weekend for Elon Musk. The Tesla billionaire who recently probably broke up with his android-voiced alien pop princess, Grimes, is being charged. No, not for that stuff about him calling that cave rescuer a pedophile (even though he is still getting sued for defamation as well). Elon is being charged with a more corporate-style crime: securities fraud.
People is reporting that the US Securities and Exchange Commission slapped the 47-year-old billionaire with the charges after that whole saga of Elon maybe taking Tesla private and Tweeting about a $420 stock price and some secured funding.
If you happen to see Azealia Banks circling the unemployment office, this would be why. Her recent position as the number-one source for exposing Elon Musk’s deeply cringey behavior has just been made redundant. Elon can personally take it from here.
Azealia Banks really must have nothing but time on her hands at the moment, because instead of writing music, or getting her hair did, or whatever it was that she did in her spare time before she started kicking it with Grimes, she’s still hitting Instagram hard with fresh dirt on Elon Musk. In her most recent slew of IG stories, Azealia shared more text messages between her and Grimes which suggest that Elon set the share valuation for Tesla at $420 because he’s super into weed right now. She also claims that Elon’s lawyers coerced her lawyer into confiscating her phone and deleting evidence.
Elon Musk and his girlfriend Grimes have been one of the most entertaining celebrity couples of this year (or throuples, if you include Azealia Banks‘ proximity, which I do). Sadly, the electricity-powered car wreck might finally have come to a complete stop, as it would appear Elon and Grimes might have broken up.
Elon Musk’s quest to out Howard Hughes in the messy billionaire department continues apace. You’d think Elon, with all his investors and employees to answer to, would be a little more careful about the company he keeps but nah. Last week, with the help of his dirty girlfriend Grimes, Elon got himself embroiled in a bit of a situation which led to Azealia Banks camped out at his house, presumably trying to help out the maid by airing out his dirty laundry for him. Now come to find out, not only did Grimes invite the crazy right on into the mansion, she also causally dished about Elon’s big dick to her in a series of text messages. And somehow, against all rational thought and logic, Grimes thought that Azealia would keep that conversation confidential.