Every breakfast restaurant around the world must be shedding a tear this morning, as it sounds like Elon Musk and Amber Heard may not like each other enough to partake in their favorite activity of frittatas-and-fucking. Pour a mimosa out, y’all, for the revived-and-killed-again carcass of Elon’s and Amber’s relationship! Continue reading
Amber Heard and her bathroom spray-named boyfriend Elon Musk haven’t said they’re back together, but they’ve been throwing out plenty of signals that confirm they are. They got papped hugging after a brunch date and were photographed together while on vacation together in Chile. Guess who was once again caught by a camera looking like a couple after a meal.
Elon Musk & Amber Heard Go on Hand-Holding Sushi Date https://t.co/X8k7zOM2xx
— TMZ (@TMZ) January 23, 2018
Page Six says Amber and Elon were papped holding hands while leaving a sushi date on Monday in Los Angeles. A source previously said that they didn’t get back together. But a source tells Page Six that “they are together at the moment.” I like that “at the moment” part at the end of that short little statement. It tells me that source doesn’t want to gossip too much, but they still have a shady side and doubt that this is going to last more than two months.
But what’s with all these regular money dates? Breakfast? Sushi? It was my understanding Elon was a bazillionaire. Maybe it’s because I’ve never dated someone who was rich enough to buy their own planet, but you’d think a date with Elon with be a little splashier. Or maybe he’s just trying to give Amber the average ol’ boyfriend experience. Even if he’s so rich and out of touch with reality that he probably blows it in the first 10 minutes. “I’ll have the freshwater diamond gill angelfish cheek…I mean, tuna. Just regular tuna.”
I’m writing from the South this week where it’s a balmy 26 degrees compared to 6 degrees back home, so I’m kind of hissing the Amber Heard and Elon Musk decided to top me and ship their “we’re not dating” selves further south to Chile to both flaunt what life is like without parkas and show they can simultaneously not date and earn frequent flyer miles. Continue reading
I’m beginning to think Amber Heard and Elon Musk are creepy Friends fans because their whole on-and-off-and-on-and-even-more-on-but-lets-not-give-deets relationship is closing out 2017 as the Millennial Ross and Rachel. These two broke up back in August after dating for a year, but they’ve been since spotted canoodling at breakfast spots around the world, and the latest case of pancakes and suck face naturally has people thinking they’re back together. Continue reading
Page Six says that Elon Musk is single and ready to mingle with hot young famous types, and he’s currently got his sight set on several potential girlfriend candidates, including Dakota Johnson. I guess Elon finally took the hint that Amber Heard clearly doesn’t want his Space in her X anymore and decided to move on.
It’s been all of a minute since Amber Heard and billionaire Elon Musk broke up, but farted out that “we remain close” shit that is the perpetual epilogue of a Hollywood love story. I remain close with that 20-piece chicken McNugget meal I had at McDonalds for lunch, but that doesn’t mean I’m still gonna see it around! God, I need Jenny Craig. Anyway, Amb and El apparently meant it because they both have been emo on social media about still hanging out.