Category: Elon Musk

Twitter Is Running On The Fumes As Hundreds More Employees Jump Ship

November 18, 2022 / Posted by:

Over the past few days, doom-scrolling Twitter has taken on an entirely new meaning. It’s actually kind of been fun, but then again, I have none of Elon Musk’s beluga-hued skin in the game. But according to Business Insider, the Titanic memes and hashtags like #RIPTwitter, #Twitteroff, and #Twittershutdown being gleefully shared probably hit differently for the hundreds of employees who Elon hadn’t already fired as they watch Twitter sink, circling the very drain that Elon walked in with just three weeks before. All the while, Elon’s been working “morning to night, seven days a week,” doing everything in his power to assure the few remaining employees who hadn’t already resigned after yesterday’s ultimatum deadline that they’re a big joke to him by posting dank memes, featuring himself, at their expense, and locking everybody out of their offices until Monday.

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Jimmy Fallon Asked Elon Musk To Shut Off The #RIPJimmyFallon Twitter Hashtag Since He’s Still Alive, But Elon Saw No Issue With It

November 16, 2022 / Posted by:

Even though pandering Golden Retriever-type Jimmy Fallon almost died of the shame shivers that one time modern-day Madonna awkwardly flashed her paid-for oversized nalgas on The Tonight Show, he lived to over-laugh at literally everything his guests say another day. But despite the fact that Jimmy’s still alive, the hashtag #RIPJimmyFallon started trending on Twitter last night when many tweeters started using it mischievously with pics of people who aren’t actually Jimmy Fallon. Jimmy got Jimmy-mad (which probably isn’t actually very mad at all), and tweeted directly to Elon Musk, asking him to shut the whole thing down. However, Elon didn’t seem to see any issue with the blatant misinformation since misinformation and general dipshittery have recently emerged as the meat of Elon Musk’s Twitter™.

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Elon Musk Tells Twitter Employees To Work 80-Hour Weeks And Took Away Their Free Lunch

November 14, 2022 / Posted by:

I’ve been passively enjoying the implosion of Twitter as much as the next person but Elon Musk is really making it difficult for us to differentiate between which desperate, impulsive, and unhinged decisions are real, and which are parody. And not for lack of a consistent policy on Blue Checks. Not when Elon himself has changed his profile picture to one where he’s wearing the little Last Samurai costume he rented for Heidi Klum’s Halloween party. He couldn’t even buy a date, it’s so sad. Just a grown man with too much money playing dress up and doing power poses on the red carpet like an 8-year-old boy in his new Christmas Underoos. So how are we supposed to know if the same guy who’s telling his employees they need to work 80-hour weeks, go into the office, and have to bring their own lunch from now on, also tweeted, “Twitter feels incredibly alive,”? You guys, I think he thinks we think he’s cool. I’m crying.

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Tumblr Has Been Trolling Twitter While Elon Musk Fears Bankruptcy Is On The Horizon

November 11, 2022 / Posted by:

I think we all knew Twitter’s inevitable downfall would be coming soon after Elon Musk brought his permanent Scream mask face to the party to ruin it for everyone. After he purchased Twitter for the low, low price of $44 billion, he has been acting like the dorky kid who takes revenge on his former bullies every day (cue Kathy Griffin doing a new photoshoot with his head instead). And to add insult to injury, Tumblr is trolling Twitter by also selling $8 blue check marks, but theirs are more like blue middle fingers aimed directly at Elon.

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Katy Perry Posted A Voting Booth Selfie That Showed Her Vote For Mayor Of Los Angeles

November 8, 2022 / Posted by:

There’s a reason they give you those cute little “I Voted” stickers at the polls, and it’s so you can show the world that you are an informed, responsible, civic-minded individual who has participated in the sacred act of democratic agency upon which our country was built (citation needed), without letting them know that you just copied your husband’s ballot at the 11th hour because you’re a lazy dum-dum who couldn’t get their shit together in time. Now, I don’t know if Katy Perry’s husband Orlando Bloom is the lazy dum-dum in their family or if Katy’s just an ambitious dum-dum. Because Katy got out and voted, but instead of posting a cute ‘lil selfie with her sticker, she took a selfie inside the voting booth that managed to show her entire ass, including who she voted for.

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Kathy Griffin Was Suspended From Twitter After Impersonating Elon Musk, But She Found A Way Back

November 7, 2022 / Posted by:

Ever since Elon Musk was forced to follow through with his asinine choice to buy Twitter for $44 billion, the site has been in absolute chaos, which is saying a lot for a Hellscape such as Twitter. There have been vast numbers of layoffs, which triggered lawsuits from employees. There’s going to be a new tiered system where verified subscribers can pay $8 for a blue checkmark and priority placement in the timeline. Elon tried to roast advertisers for leaving and simultaneously assured them that site moderation would not lead to the N-word being used all the time, even though he fired much of his moderation team. It’s a shit show that became a delicious mess over the weekend when an unlikely warrior Valerie Bertinelli popped up and helped lead the charge to show Elon Musk the big gaping hole in his new blue check system. To get a blue checkmark, you don’t need to actually prove who you say you are. So Valerie decided to point that out by changing her account name to “Elon Musk.”  Kathy Griffin did it, too, and was suspended, but found a way back on. Now there’s an army of fake Elon Musks causing trouble in his own house. Which I think is totally fair because Elon has been impersonating a man of intelligence for years, and it’s about time someone gave him a dose of his own medicine.

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