And you thought the pictures of Vadge looking like a turtle’s wet peen (NSFW) were bad. This is way worse! Vadge needs serious psychiatric help. I mean, high heeled sneakers? I went caca in my panties just from writing that. Smells like boiled brisket. Anyway, this is a cry for fucking help! Only whorey nurses and fitness-loving hookers from the 1980s wear high heeled sneakers. I’m sure Mimi wears them too, but she doesn’t count!

SAVE VADGE!

I still haven’t seen “The Dark Knight” yet. I know. If I don’t see that shit by the end of this weekend, a warrant will be issued for my arrest. I’m pretty sure you’re breaking some kind of law if you don’t see this movie. Anyway, why should I bother seeing it when I’ve already seen Danity Kane’s comic-book inspired video for “Bad Girl.”

As much as I love the raggedy cotton ball known as Aubrey O’Day, this shit is bootleg. It looks like it was paid for with blowjobs and El Pollo Loco gift certificates. This shit also looks like porn. The porn version of Batman. Let’s call it “Scatman” or “The Dark Niner.”

Aubrey also needs to change the lyric “look at my eyes covered in Maybelline” to “look at my eyes covered in Maybelline, tar, molasses and crow feathers.”

Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves took Baby Levi Strauss for a walk yesterday in Malibu. You’re probably assuming that Baby Levi is in that stroller. You know he isn’t. He’s probably in that bucket, because Matthew thought it would be “totally rad” to carry him that way. He saw it in “National Geographic” or something. Matthew’s bongo and his bong are riding safely in the baby stroller.

Camila looks pretty hot for just having a baby. I’m assuming that bitch had the works after she gave birth. Every Hollywood bitch probably gets it. The doctors don’t even ask anymore. As soon as baby pops out, they bring in the wet vac and make it all right again.

Matthew also went for a walk later in the day with Baby Levi Strauss and a “friend.” GAY! And how can Matthew have two baby strollers? They can fit both of those things in his trailer home?

When something in your house breaks, a normal person would kick it or call it a “stupid cunt.” Not Keith Walendowski from Milwaukee. When his lawn mower didn’t start, he shot the bitch. You know he probably yelled, “Godamn stupid fucking lawn damn fucking mower!” when he shot at it.

One of Keith’s lady friends, who lives with him, called the po po and got her old man arrested. What a bitch! He was probably interrupting her favorite “Mama’s Family” re-run.

Keith was arrested and charged with felony possession of a short-barreled shotgun or rifle and misdemeanor disorderly conduct while armed. When asked why he shot the lawn mower, he said (read this with a raspy slur) “I can do that, it’s my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want.” Pepaw has a point.

Keefs (that’s probably what his friends call him because they are all drunks) faces up to an $11,000 fine and six years and three months in prison if convicted.

Keef’s lady friend also told the police he was drunk at the time. You fucking think? Just from looking at his mug shot, I can smell the mixture of Early Times whiskey and Pall Malls.

That being said, I wouldn’t hit it. Shocking, eh? Okay, I’m lying. I totally would if he shared some of his Early Times with me.

Source

Thanks Carol Ann

Ummm…..errr…..well…..um….the colors on her t-shit are pretty? I can’t! What in Jack Skellington hell is going on with Vadge?! Is she injecting roids directly into her face now? Even international supermodel Phoebe Price is looking at these pictures thinking, “Damn. Her chicken cutlets are out of control. Bitch needs to rotate those things.” And her roid twigs will haunt my daydreams!

I hope Lourdes is leading her mother to the nearest buffet, followed by a 6-month nap in an oxygen chamber. Calgon, take Vadge away!

Earlier this week, Balthazar Getty stated the obvious by announcing he has split up with his wifey after he was caught being slutty with Sienna Miller. TMZ reports that Balthazar has been e-mailing with estranged wifey, Rosetta, and saying shit like, “I love you.” Sienna probably already dumped his ass. Married men aren’t fun anymore when their separated from their wives. Kind of kills the thrill. Hollywood wives better put a dick belt on their husbands because Sienna is cumming for them!

A source claims that even though Balthazar’s pepaw is a billionaire, he hasn’t seen any of the family money. Rosetta supported his ass until he got the “Brothers & Sisters” job.

What is the point of being married to a Getty if you’re not bathing in $100 bills every night? I mean, Balthazar is hot and everything, but he looks like he has an “innie” and I’m not talking about his belly button.

Rosetta better not take his skeezer ass back! Instead, she should make him think that if he does a bunch of shit for her, she’ll take him back. She should make him videotape himself shutting a desk drawer on his peen. Or make him use his urethra as a mouth to say, “My name is Little Balthazar and I am stupid, fugly, piece of trash who ruins lives.” I do that shit in the bathtub when I’m bored. Don’t judge!