Category: Pepaws

A Friend Of Al Pacino’s Pregnant Girlfriend Noor Alfallah Has Defended Her Against Claims That She’s A Gold Digger

June 1, 2023 / Posted by:

Last month we learned that Robert De Niro’s 79-year-old balls still got it when his rep confirmed that his girlfriend Tiffany Chen recently gave birth to his seventh child. Well, Al Pacino turned to Bobby D and said, “Hold my Viagra,” because this week we learned that Al’s 83-year-old balls still got it when his rep confirmed that his 29-year-old girlfriend Noor Alfallah is about a month away from birthing out his fourth child. Shortly after we learned that Al Pacino (or Al Cochino, as my mom called him when I told her this story) is going to be somebody’s father at 83 years old, sources popped up to tell Showbiz411 that Noor is a gold digger and trapped poor ole’ Al with an ATM baby. But a friend of Noor’s tells Page Six that she’s not a gold digger. She’s just a proud pepaw fucker! Hooh-ah, which is probably the sound Al makes whenever he busts an accidental baby-making nut.

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Thank God Billionaire David Geffen Is Safe (On His Massive Yacht In The Grenadines)

March 29, 2020 / Posted by:

Put down your rosaries, folks! Because 77-year-old billionaire music mogul David Geffen is sailing through this whole coronavirus thing. And he wants you to know (people must have been asking, I guess?) that he has been and will continue to remain safe by staying inside. Now, when I say inside, I mean inside one of the countless luxury suites on his private yacht. Oh, billionaires! They’re just like us.

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Prince Philip, Who Is 97 Years Old, Is Still Driving And Got Into A Crash 

January 17, 2019 / Posted by:

Before we get into the details of this accident, let’s go over some things:

  1. Prince Philip is 97 years old.
  2. Prince Philip is married to the fucking Queen of England.
  3. Prince Philip is reportedly worth $30 million, and his wife is worth a ton more.

Add all that up together and it equals: OLE’ ASS COOT SHOULDN’T BE DRIVING HIMSELF! The other PP should be chauffeured in a gold chariot as royal minions hand feed him Werther’s Originals. But Prince Philip still drives, and he was behind the wheel of his Land Rover today when he got into a crash and it flipped like he does whenever a photographer takes too fucking long to take his goddamn picture. And because Prince Philip is invincible, he walked away without any injuries.

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Nikki Sixx’s 60-Year-Old Jizz Has Still Got It (Even After He Got A Vasectomy Years Ago)

January 17, 2019 / Posted by:

Seen above looking like a Bizzaro World Megan Fox and Billy Ray Cyrus, Nikki Sixx of Mötley Crüe and his 33-year-old wife of about four years, Courtney Sixx, are getting ready to slather their first baby in a leopard print onesie, a leather headband, and White Rain hairspray. Scratch that last one, actually. This is Nikki Sixx’s kid we’re talking about. That baby is going to secrete White Rain hairspray from their head pores, naturally. Nikki and Courtney have let the world know that she’s got his fifth baby brewing in her womb, even though he got his baby batter tube snipped years ago.

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Daryl Hannah And Neil Young Probably Got Married

August 28, 2018 / Posted by:

It’s been almost four long years since we first heard that Daryl Hannah and Neil Young replaced Meg Ryan and John “I Refuse To Drop  The Cougar From His Name” Mellencamp as the IT couple of the blonde actress from the 80s (or 90s) and pepaw rocker set. Between then and now, my brain must’ve corroded even more, because I forgot these two were together. But not only are they still together, all signs point to them getting married over the weekend. I really need to get a subscription to Closer Weekly so I can stay up to date on the oldies.

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A Fist Fight Broke Out Between Two Senior Citizens At Costco Over Free Samples

August 4, 2018 / Posted by:

Two grumpy old men got into a fist fight at Costco, and surprisingly it wasn’t over the last known Costco Café polish hotdog on earth. No, this fight was at everyone’s happy place, a place that keeps most of us coming back time and time again, a place that comforts us on our darkest of days. Yes, two old-timers desecrated the sanctity of the free sample line by having a full-on punching match during the free sample lunch rush.

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