Dame Helen Mirren is on the cover of People’s 2022 Beautiful issue, namely because she is beautiful and famous and has a lil’ somethin’ called “swagger” (her words). But 76-year-old Helen says she was shocked to receive the honor, as she’s never considered herself beautiful. “And at my age!” Hot bitch please, we know you’ve seen those bikini pics from 2008.
Thank God for People’s “Beautiful Issue”. If it weren’t for this annual sacred tome, how would we know which humans are hot and which ones are uggos? This year, People took a wild risk and crowned two hot blonde members of Hollywood royalty (and a baby) as their “Beautiful” cover girls… which… WOW. Welcome to the new world!
Jennifer Garner is being celebrated for her decision to not get a large phoenix tattoo covering her whole back by being put on the cover of People’s Most Beautiful Issue. Of course Jennifer Garner has done more then just divorce Ben Affleck, she also works for Save the Childred, started an organic baby food company (how on brand), keeps the paparazzi industry alive, and she looks like the mom next store that everyone wants to bone.
For the fifth – yes fifth – time, Julia Roberts has been chosen by People magazine (aka People with Aggressive Publicists magazine) for their annual World’s Most Beautiful issue. I honestly didn’t think People could get more predictable with their pick than when they threw Jennifer Aniston on the cover last year, but here we are.
I thought I felt a little earthquake this afternoon and now I know it was from dozens of people in Las Vegas falling over and hitting the ground when Naomi Judd knocked them out with her glamour and gorgeousness.
The temperature in Las Vegas went up at least 100 degrees today and it’s all Naomi Judd’s fault for serving up so much piping hot elegance and exquisiteness at the launch of The Judds’ residency at The Venetian. It even looks like Wynonna Judd’s face melted a little from being so close to her hot mother. Naomi Judd’s face gets straights As. I don’t even care if it looks like her left eyebrow took a bite out of her right eyebrow. Her eyebrow game gets an A+, her lip liner game gets an A++ and those spider lashes get an A+++. Naomi Judd looks like the most opulent Christmas tree topper of all time. Liberace would so put her on top of his tree. There really are no words. This is perfection and everybody in the world should strive to look like this!
Something called the World Go Topless Parade happened in Venice Beach, CA on Sunday and when you throw an event in L.A. with the word “topless” in it, you can expect international supermodel and timeless beauty Phoebe Price to magically drop from the sky and grace it with her gorgeous presence. An event with the word “topless” in it is her bat signal.
After Chicken Cutlets became a living floral float of ginger perfection in the World Go Topless Parade, she gave a WORLD EXCLUSIVE photo shoot to the paparazzo she called. Ron Howard probably wishes he would’ve waited 30 years to make Splash, because Daryl Hannah truly can’t hold a candle, match, lighthouse, etc to PP as a mermaid. While working elegant mermaid bell bottoms and a 99 Cent Store plastic shell bra (or maybe those are paper plates she pulled out of a trash can), PP gave the camera some Chicken Cutlets of the Sea demureness. You can’t tell from these pictures, but several ships crashed into sandbars that day, because PP’s ethereal mermaid beauty lured the sailors in.
If Disney ever gets around to making the live-action Little Mermaid, they have found their star! Although, they’ll have to add a scene that explains why Ariel licks all the thingamabobs in her cave like they’re peens and why she has a pap following her around instead of a crab.
Here’s more pictures of PP displaying beach beauty and split freckled ass cakes.