Michael Peterson Would Have Preferred If Brad Pitt Had Played Him In HBO’s “The Staircase” Instead Of Colin Firth
There’s little doubt that come Emmy-times, Colin Firth and Toni Collette will be all up in the mix for their portrayals of Michael and Kathleen Peterson in HBO limited series The Staircase. But the real Michael Peterson, who has not seen the show, is once again irate about it and thinks that Brad Pitt would have done a better job of capturing his legendary (in his own mind) “energy” and “humor.” Which is silly if you think about it. Anybody who’s seen the documentary the show is based on knows that HBO did Michael a solid by casting Colin instead of hiring Andy Serkis to reprise his performance in The Lord of the Rings for the role. Especially considering the way Michael’s been hissing “my precious… feelings” ever since the day his wife was found crumpled up at the bottom of the couple’s staircase in a pool of her own blood. But go off, king. You’ve made a point. Brad Pitt probably should consider prestige television.
For Vogue’s December issue, Harry Styles became the first dude to do the cover by himself, and in the photo shoot, he wears a couple of dresses and skirts, and those who consider King Louis VIX, Billy Porter, David Bowie, and Richard Simmons style icons were into it. But well, there were those who were really, really bothered like conservative commentator and Kanye West’s political sweetheart Candace Owens who let us all know that she probably rubs it to Gaston’s parts in Beauty and the Beast since Gaston is her opinion of the ideal man. Harry Styles in a dress made Candace Owens declare that we need to bring back “manly men.” Surprisingly, Harry Styles didn’t respond to what Candace Owens said by immediately replacing his dresses, ruffles, and skirts with a chest merkin, Pussy Juice cologne, a “Yeah, It Makes You Look Fat, Now Go Make Me A Sandwich, Woman” t-shirt, and Nascar-brand cargo pants. Instead, Harry responded with a banana and coffee filter sleeves!
I always forget that this year’s Oscars actually happened, because thinking of February 2020 makes the dilapidated projector in my brain project OldRoseItsBeen84Years.GIF onto the inner walls of my mind. So 2024 feels like three millenniums away, and well, if 2024 ever happens, filmmakers hoping to get that Best Picture Oscar will have to meet new inclusion and diversity requirements that the Academy has thrown down. It seems like the new rules will be pretty easy to follow if studios want a shot at Best Picture and the bar is so low that only baby ants can do the limbo under it, but still, people are already blowing out steams of rage over it, including Kirstie Alley who thinks these new rules are fucking with art. Listen, of course, Kirstie Alley cares about the sanctity of art. I mean, she was in For Richer Or Poorer.
Now, this…THIS is some fowl behavior (sorry, I couldn’t help it). I’m telling you, birds…they know what’s up. People are mostly awful and birds have finally had it. Officially. According to People, there is a giant turkey named Gerald (honestly, there couldn’t be a better name for an angry peepaw of a turkey than Gerald) and he is terrorizing a public garden in Oakland, California––so much so that officials have had to close the space (it’s still pandemic time out there, people…your asses shouldn’t really be in parks. Gerald is doing you a favor).
Kristen Bell Says That She And Dax Shepherd Argued So Hard That They Blacked Out And Didn’t Talk For Three Days
Marriage Story may be all over awards season and has brought on a dozen memes, but I’m sorry, Kristen Bell and her husband of six years Dax Shepard (they got engaged on Twitter so that they should tell you everything) have been delivering the Toluca Lake Community Theater production of Marriage Story for years. Tracy Flick’s mommy blogger cousin and the Marc Maron for dudes who put “second place in a beer bong contest” on their resumes have been open about their marital and parenting woes. They’re like the less tragic version of that country singer and her prolific peen passer of a husband. Kristen slid in front of her idea of a therapist’s couch, a podcast mic, and talked about a fight that she and Dax had. The fight was a bigger disaster than that CHiPS remake. Kristen didn’t tell the story on her husband’s podcast, so they’re totally going to have another gigantic verbal tussle, and yes she’ll tell us about it on a podcast.