Kristen Bell Says That She And Dax Shepherd Argued So Hard That They Blacked Out And Didn’t Talk For Three Days
Marriage Story may be all over awards season and has brought on a dozen memes, but I’m sorry, Kristen Bell and her husband of six years Dax Shepard (they got engaged on Twitter so that they should tell you everything) have been delivering the Toluca Lake Community Theater production of Marriage Story for years. Tracy Flick’s mommy blogger cousin and the Marc Maron for dudes who put “second place in a beer bong contest” on their resumes have been open about their marital and parenting woes. They’re like the less tragic version of that country singer and her prolific peen passer of a husband. Kristen slid in front of her idea of a therapist’s couch, a podcast mic, and talked about a fight that she and Dax had. The fight was a bigger disaster than that CHiPS remake. Kristen didn’t tell the story on her husband’s podcast, so they’re totally going to have another gigantic verbal tussle, and yes she’ll tell us about it on a podcast.
Kristen was on Justin Long’s podcast Life Is Short, and he became the voice of many when he said that he finds their commercials and extreme openness about their marriage problems “annoying.” Kristen said, “It is!“, and then continued to firmly have a seat on everyone’s nerves by talking about her marriage and explained why they’re so open. Early on in their relationship, Kristen and Dax had a meeting with their PR teams and decided that “real married couple with real marriage problems” would be their brand. No, Kristen said that since she and Dax are celebrities, they knew that they’d be asked about their relationship during interviews. So instead of keeping the details of their marriage private, the anti-pedorazzi activists decided to turn the world into their therapist’s office and tell all. via People
“Something happened with Dax and I early on where we decided we were never going to not be asked about our relationship. So if we were going to talk about it, let’s make sure we show the good, the bad and the ugly and how we handle it. Let’s not make it saccharin, and we really try hard to not make it saccharin, and we talk about the fact that we do fight, we do go to therapy, we dislike each other a lot sometimes.”
Kristen then made good on her everlasting promise to share the ugly parts of their marriage by telling Justin about a stupid fight that lit a bonfire of rage in them and caused them to blackout and not talk to each other for three days. Not only did the start of Kristen’s story go into fairy tale territory since I refuse to believe that their housekeeper doesn’t do all the laundry, she also crossed the line of TMI by telling us that she calls her husband “dad” and not in a sexy way.
“I left a note and I was like, ‘Hey dad! Would you mind taking the two towels in the dryer and folding them’ and then like one other thing. I thought, ‘That’s 10 minutes of work, I can say that.’ At that point, the house [work] was getting to be a lot for me. The keeping up with the mom stuff, the shoes being outgrown, all of that.
So I left this note and I came home on Sunday, everything was fine. Monday night we’re laying in bed and… he goes, ‘When you leave me notes, yeah, I feel really controlled,’ and he launched into how he felt about it.”
She says that she responded calmly to him at first, but then shit got crazy, and they both ended up blacking out, the way some of you blackout while reading about their marriage problems. Besides discussing parenting stuff, Kristen and Dax didn’t exchange words for three days.
“And somehow, then we both blacked out and got into a fight and I don’t actually remember what happened but what transpired was a lot of volume, a lot of harsh words being thrown around, and it was an angry, angry fight about how nobody does anything for anybody else. I grabbed my pillow and stomped down the hall and I sleep in the front room and I’m crying. We don’t talk for three days.”
Purple shampoo’s answer to Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis never brought up that fight again and never apologized.
“We never talked about that fight, ever, but I will say this: Every single thing that I have needed done or thought, ‘I’d want help with this,’ since that fight, he has been ahead of. I couldn’t complain about him if I tried right now.”
Then Kristen got to the entire point of that story by bringing up a doggy! She says that she took her daughter to a dog cafe, where shelter dogs hang out, and fell in love with a dog named Frank. She FaceTimed Dax, who is allergic to dogs and needs to live with hypoallergenic ones, and he was into her bringing Frank home. “This is so much better than an apology. So I bring the dog home, it’s great” is what Kristen said about that.
And here’s the reason why I wrote a zillion words above. I get to post a pic of Frank!
I know, those two bringing another poor living thing into that messy marriage. Frank is already curled up like he’s trying to drown out the high-pitched, ear-destroying shrieks of Kristen and Dax as they fight again about towels.
And you know who is probably really disturbed by this story? The executives at Samsung! Kristen told a story involving her marriage and laundry and didn’t say, “I left a note and I was like, ‘Hey dad! Would you mind taking out the two towels from our Samsung Smart Dryer with Steam Sanitize? It’ll be a treat for you since those towels will be fluffier than the clouds in heaven. And the dryer is only $949! Financing available!” Samsung better dock their next paycheck for that mistake!