Open Post: Hosted By A Turkey Named Gerald Who Is Attacking People In An Oakland Park

June 13, 2020 / Posted by:

Now, this…THIS is some fowl behavior (sorry, I couldn’t help it). I’m telling you, birds…they know what’s up. People are mostly awful and birds have finally had it. Officially. According to People, there is a giant turkey named Gerald (honestly, there couldn’t be a better name for an angry peepaw of a turkey than Gerald) and he is terrorizing a public garden in Oakland, California––so much so that officials have had to close the space (it’s still pandemic time out there, people…your asses shouldn’t really be in parks. Gerald is doing you a favor).

The Oakland Morcom Rose Garden is having to turn away visitors for their own safety because of Gerald’s surly attitude and unprovoked attacks. But things weren’t always so rough.

Pre COVID-19, Gerald, who is no stranger to the neighborhood, could be seen calmly strutting along the walkways, peacefully interacting with humans––even lining up for school pickup alongside local parents. But something changed. Gerald lost his cool (like most of us after being cooped up for three months) and turned into an asshole.

It’s gotten so bad, that the Oakland Department of Parks, Recreation and Youth Development, the Department of Public Works, AND the Oakland Animal Services have gotten together to try to figure out a way to take Gerald down without threatening to turn him into Thanksgiving dinner.

“The city is aware of and is taking seriously several incidents of attacks by a male turkey in the park and considers this a public safety concern.”

“From the advice I received from wildlife experts, we would know the retraining has worked if he retreats and keeps his distance from people,” she added to the outlet. “Unfortunately, he is not doing that on a consistent basis, even with very few people in the park.” 

Can you imagine? It’s 2020 and a loose turkey has THREE separate government-funded departments stumped. How complicated can this be? By the way things are going, it seems like Gerald may be soon become our new overlord––and I’d probably be fine with it.

Seriously though, it’s amazing the amount of shit 2020 keeps throwing at us to keep us all indoors. As for Gerald, I’m with you, girl. Just an irritable old queen, prancing through the rosebushes, looking for some peace and quiet. Relatable content indeed.

Pic: Twitter

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