TLC Is Working On A Broadway Musical

Every time I see Tionne “T-Boz” Watkins and Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas of TLC, it makes me sad because it reminds me that third member Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes is no longer with us. However, their story has been told many, many times before to the point where I don’t necessarily need to hear it again so I can bust out in tears around the part where Left Eye dies. In other words, please stop depressing us. Well, that’s not happening. However, this time they’re changing things up by bringing the drama to Broadway.

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Katy Perry Helped TLC Meet Their Kickstarter Goal Of $150,000

After only three days with their cups out, Chilli and T-Boz have panhandled enough Kickstarter cash to record the very last TLC album. That’s right, it only took three days for TLC fans to pony up $150,000, which goes to show you that there there are still rabid TLC fans in 2015 and the world is truly a crazy place. And according to TMZ, one of said rabid fans is none other than 90s-obsessed teenage goth girl woman Katy Perry. You’d think a band like TLC would be too mainstream for a low-budget Enid Coleslaw impersonator like Katy Perry, but maybe she did it to be ironic or something.

Katy apparently donated $5,000 to TLC’s Kickstarter campaign, and according to TLC’s list of donor rewards, that means Katy is entitled to either a TLC onesie, a slumber party in Atlanta with Chilli, or a slumber party in Los Angeles with T-Boz. I bet she’s going to take the onesie. Meanwhile, T-Boz and Chilli are crossing their fingers that she takes the slumber party, because they know Katy’s got the kind of cash that can rent something nicer than 3 hours at a Howard Johnson Express.

And Chilli and T-Boz managed to do the Kickstarter impossible – not only did they hit their goal in three days, but they also beat their goal by almost $24,000. That’s really great news, because that extra money means that when it comes time to design the album cover for this mess, they won’t have to hire the blind retoucher who Photoshopped Chilli’s PETA ad.

Here’s The Kickstarter Queens hosting a press conference with potential future Kickstarter users New Kids on the Block and a cardboard cut-out of Nelly:

Pics: Wenn.com

T-Boz And Chilli Have Set Up A Kickstarter Campaign For The Next TLC Album

After 12 years since the release of 3D and almost 13 years since the untimely death of Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes, the remaining members of TLC are hoping the record one last album. The only problem is, they don’t exactly have the cash to do it, so like, maybe you can loan them a couple bucks? Come on, be cool – Chilli and T-Boz would do it for you if you were trying to record an album.

Chilli and T-Boz have launched a Kickstarter campaign to help them make the very last TLC album ever. They’ve currently raised nearly $26,700, and they’re pretty adamant that they’ll only make the album if they reach their goal of $150,000, so you better open your wallets and start donating some serious cash, because lyrics by Kandi Burruss don’t come cheap. But why hustle dollars on Kickstarter? Chilli and T-Boz say:

“While major labels offer artists multimillion dollar recording and marketing budgets, they don’t often give artists complete control of their own music. It is ESSENTIAL that we create our final album completely on our own terms, without any restrictions, with YOU.”

Of course, just like any Kickstarter campaign, they’re offering a variety of rewards for donors. For instance, if you donate $10, you’ll get a picture of a handwritten list of Chilli and T-Boz’s 15 favorite songs of all time. For $50, you get to watch a video tutorial of TLC’s choreography. For $1,000, T-Boz will go see a movie with you in you live in Los Angeles and promise to talk to you after the movie is done. For $2,000, Chilli will let you hang out with her at the gym in Atlanta. And for $3,000, T-Boz will let you accompany her as she does her grocery shopping at Whole Foods while Chilli will meet you at a Sephora and let you watch her get her makeup done. NO! That’s not a real reward, but I’m sure if you message them, you could work something out.

Here’s Chilli and T-Boz in NYC at The Huffington Post earlier today. I bet Ariana Huffington has her eyes on that $50 dance tutorial reward.

Pics: Wenn.com

The Cake Boss Got Arrested For DWI This Morning

Apparently it’s disgraced TLC star day at Dlisted! First we have Mama June from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo lying about seeing her sex offender boyfriend, and now we have Buddy Valastro from Cake Boss getting busted for a DWI. What’s next, a leaked sex tape starring Camille from Say Yes To The Dress? NO! Camille is a classy lady! She would NEVER!

According to TMZ, the boss of cakes was pulled over around 1am Thursday morning after cops saw a yellow Corvette swerving around 10th Avenue in Manhattan. A spokesperson for the NYPD says that when they approached the car, it was pretty obvious that Buddy was drunk; his breath smelled like booze and his eyes were all red and blurry. Then when they asked him to step out of the car, Buddy’s feet started doing the hard shit shuffle (aka he failed a sobriety test), so they took his ass to the station where they booked him for drunk driving. Boozy Valastro stayed at the station until late this morning. I wonder if at any point during his incarceration he drunkenly looked over at the dirty toilet in his cell and said “Hey, I made one of you out of cake once!”

I’m not shocked that someone like Buddy can’t handle his booze. Buddy has been working around cakes for most of his life, so his internal organs are most likely 90% fondant by now, and everybody know that mixing sugar and booze is bad news! Even if he was drinking straight alcohol, it’s going to turn into mind fuck punch by the time it hits his stomach. Come on Buddy – anyone who’s ever poured a bottle of vodka into a jug of Sunny D knows that sugar and booze will make you do some dumb shit!

Kate Gosselin Says She Cries Crocodile Tears Of Sadness Behind Closed Doors

Every clip that TLC has released to promote their 2-hour special on Kate Gosselin’s never-ending quest to pimp out her litter of pups has done nothing but remind everyone that Kate’s still an awful, greedy, horrible shameless fame whore who would volunteer all 8 of her children as tribute for The Hunger Games if it meant she could get her rubber face on television. Someone at TLC must have finally realized that no one is going to tune in to their 2-hour documentary on Pennsylvania’s Pimp Mama Kris when they can tune in to E! and watch the real thing, so today they released a clip to People of a humbled, struggling Kate in an attempt to make her seem more sympathetic and less evil (not possible, but good try TLC):

“I’m one of many single moms out there. It’s not ideal. On a very busy day where the logistics aren’t lining up – I have to be here to pick this kid up and I have to be there to do whatever, that happens so often now I can’t even tell you. It’s really easy to feel like just saying, ‘It’s too much.'”

“I mean, I cry behind closed doors, I struggle. But I have to remind myself, this is my one shot. You’re going to mess up. Just don’t give up.”

Bitch PLEASE! Her eyes haven’t leaked anything but salty Botox discharge since 2010. Besides, any real tears that might have pushed their way through her busted tear ducts are the ones that come from not knowing where she’ll get the money for new clip-in hair extensions AND new acrylic nails. “Don’t make me choose! I can’t choose! I need both!” she cries from behind the door of her plastic surgeon’s office as she leaves her 16th voicemail that month to TLC. “Remember, I won’t give up. I need the money…er…I mean…my kids need the money. Yeah, that works. Speaking of work, if you’re just going to call me back and tell me to get a real job, save your breath, because being a desperate fame whore IS my real job now.”

T-Boz Wasn’t Hating On RiRi’s Nipples, Okay?

TLC got served a giant plate of Twitter shade from RiRi last week when T-Boz said during an interview with Australian morning show Sunrise that sex is very easy to sell and she’s sick of seeing pop stars with their “booby cakes” hanging out all the time. Sunrise claims that T-Boz was talking about RiRi and RiRi’s nipples, which has made an appearance on your eyeballs more than your own nipples have. RiRi slapped back at TLC by changing her Twatter background to a picture of T-Boz covering her booby cakes with a hand bra. Well, T-Boz has jumped on her Big Wheels and is back pedaling now. T-Boz said on Twatter that she wasn’t even talking about RiRi’s alien nipples and those media bitches made it all up to start something. What I learned while reading T-Boz’s Twatter is that T-Boz types and spells like a 12-year-old whose got a serious case of arthritis of the fingers and just huffed all the freon out of an air conditioning unit. What I’m trying to say is that T-Boz tweets like Justin Bieber.

Last time I checked I didn’t say no bodies name the interview lady did shit I’m out of the country lol I didn’t even see pics

how did I get dragged in2 talkin about some1 I like I don’t care what my opinion is I’m gonna say what I want at least get what I say right

Lol I swear when some of their mamas whipped after sex apart of the sperm must of got whipped cuz their not whole y’all can catch bricks

See & this why it’s terrible 2 be a follower lol ya hear the wrong thing & they run with it & don’t even know wtf their talking about smh

Looks like folks need 2 research I didn’t see a show or pics I’m in Australia if 1 person says something they run with it not knowing smh

“I’m out of the country and didn’t even see the pics” is a really good excuse. Because we all know that Australia is practically Antarctica and they’ve got no WiFi and barely any electricity. Bitch, please. Those pictures were broadcast everywhere including on the side of the Sydney Opera House. Everyone has seen RiRi’s nipples and that’s exactly what T-Boz was talking about. T-Boz is probably backtracking, because she’s sick of her eyes crossing while reading crazy, incoherent, hate-filled tweets that RiRi’s rabid navy sends her and when T-Boz thinks your spelling and typing is shit…

Here’s a covered up RiRi (MARK THIS DAY) at the Spike TV Awards yesterday accepting some antler trophy from Kevin Hart who can easily have an eye-to-eye conversation with her nipples.

Pics: Wenn.com, Getty