Katy Perry Carries Magic Hippie Rocks In Her Pocket To Attract Guys

June 6, 2014 / Posted by:

If you’ve ever wondered how Katy Perry, seen here looking like the non-threatening Forever 21 version of Enid Coleslaw, is able to consistently land such top-shelf, high-quality refined gentlemen, like turbo-douche John Mayer, human jizz rag Russell Brand, and glue-huffing Miami bedbug Riff Raff, she’s finally revealed her secret to Cosmo. Katy follows her nose to the scent of patchouli and Himalayan salt lamps to the New Age store where she stuffs her pockets full of healing energy crystals and releases her dick-hungry energy to the universe:

“I guess I happen to be attracted to high-frequency men. I carry a lot of rose quartz, which attracts the male,” Perry continues, referring to carrying crystals around for their energy. “Maybe I need to calm it down with the amethyst.”

I don’t know the name of the New Age store where Katy bought her rose quartz (why do I get the feeling it was called Gentle Wynds or Earth Spirits) but I think Ras Trent’s girlfriend accidentally sold her petrified nuggets of calcified vinegar, because the only male she seems to attract are douches. Or maybe that’s one of the mystical powers of rose quartz? “Rose Quartz opens the heart chakra, balances negative energy, and will draw assholes to you like stoners to a drum circle.”

Pic: Instagram

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