TLC Talks Shit About RiRi, RiRi Talks Shit Right Back

TLC, the modest and chaste Christian musical group who had a wholesome hit song about eating that pussy while on the rag shook their heads at RiRi for constantly using sex and her bare alien nipples to sell her music. During an interview with the Australian talk show Sunrise on Channel 7 (via Entertainmentwise), the topic of RiRi’s always out there nipples came up and T-Boz said this:

“Every time I see you, you don’t have to be naked. It’s easy to sell sex. It’s hard for us to say anything because any time we do, they say, ‘Oh TLC must be jealous’, but I call a spade a spade.”

Chilli jumped in and added that they got to the top without putting their “booby cakes” on display and now I suddenly want to put my mouth on a marzipan nip:

“We became the biggest girl selling group of all time with our clothes on and that says a lot. We could go around too with booby cakes out all day long.”

Just like her nipples, RiRi doesn’t keep her opinions about hos hating on her to herself. RiRi clapped back at T-Boz and Chilli by changing her Twitter background to a picture of T-Boz giving herself hand pasties.

And by twatting out this:

First of all, T-Boz needs to shut the hell up, because she’s shitting out lies and doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Sure it might’ve been easy for her to sell sex back in the day and it’s easy for RiRi to sell sex today, but it’s not easy for everyone to sell sex. Every time I try to sell sex (and at a good price, mind you), the only thing I get is a handful of lung chunks from my prospective john laughing at me trying to get some money for this worn out ass. So fuck yourself with those side-burn tails, T-Boz. Second of all, RiRi doesn’t need to use her nipples to sell her music. Her naturally gorgeous nightingale voice already does a good job of that:

So take that, T-Boz!

Wayne Brady Is Chasing Chilli’s Waterfalls (Whatever That Means)

Finally, I can sleep again; I spent so many nights after the cancellation of What Chilli Wants lying awake, wondering “Will 1/3 of Gramming-winning supergroup TLC, Rozonda ‘Chilli’ Thomas, EVER find love?!?” It was really touch-and-go for a while; some days, I could barely summon the will to leave my bed and shuffle to the fridge for more Baileys and Club Soda (I call it a Fizzy Shame).

Chilli has a reason to smile again (or at least turn that frown she got from seeing VH1’s terrible TLC movie upside down) because Us Weekly is reporting that she’s currently dating the man who makes Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X, Wayne Brady. Instead of the standard relationship confirmation (getting coffee together) they instead engaged in some hardcore hand-holding after a TLC show at the MGM in Las Vegas:

“They were so cute, stopping to take pictures with fans,” an eyewitness tells Us of the night out. “He kept her close to him the whole time.” Mid-show, Chilli also gave the Emmy-award winning star a shout-out during the set and brought him on stage. (Chilli and Lil Mama performed for a private party MGM threw for their employees.)

“It has only been two weeks but they really like each other,” a source adds. “They’ve been friends for years but there has always been this flirtation. Both of them had a hard time being single, so they love dating a friend and someone in the business. They make a really great couple.”

They don’t mention how these two re-connected, but I can guess it went a little something like this:

After becoming dizzy and disoriented from the chemicals in the body paint used for her recent PETA shoot, Chilli wandered high out of her mind around Fairfax till she reached the CBS studios. Trying any unlocked door, she eventually found herself on the set where Wayne Brady films that game show where people dress up in stupid costumes (aka what the nursing home changes the channel to when The Price is Right isn’t coming in clear). Thinking she was just another loopy contestant hoping to win a blender or a trip to Scottsdale, AZ, Wayne called her to the stage to play some kind of Plinko rip-off, and began to recognize her through the layers up makeup, hay-covered weave, and slurring the lyrics to Creep. Wow, that was beautiful; I should write romance novels.

(Pics via Wenn)

Crappy/Unsettling/Confusing: Chilli’s PETA Ad

Continuing their storied tradition of respectful, empowering, thought-provoking awareness ads (today’s weather forecast: 4-6 inches of sarcasm) PETA has collaborated with Chilli from TLC in a campaign calling people to boycott the circus. While I can’t speak for how cruel circuses are (I haven’t watched a Dateline NBC special on it yet. Once Keith Morrison narrates it, I’m there), I can assume that lions and elephants aren’t exactly hanging around Africa thinking: “Oh boy! I hope that one day a failed model will make me balance on a stool as creepy calliope music leaves emotional scars on children for years to come! Get me in that cage!”

Chilli got done-up in tiger-striped body paint and posed in a pile of hay (my allergies just went from 0-90) to raise awareness for tigers and mostly for the misuse of Photoshop. Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the overworked graphic artists?!?

However, there’s so much WTF going on here, it’s really difficult to focus on the message. For instance, what the hell is going on with that out-of-control left eye? Did somebody just say out-of-control left eye?! NO! I refuse to make that joke; I’d break the servers with all the emails I’d get. It’s difficult for me to learn about tigers who want to escape the circus when all I can do is focus on that eye trying to escape her face. This ad doest make me want to save animals from the circus; it makes me want to save Chilli. This ad looks like it was pulled from the back of a free weekly newspaper promoting weird safari-themed sex clubs. Tip: don’t Google safari-themed sex club.

Here’s TLC and Left Eye’s stand-in Lil Mama abusing white pants waring the worst of Jo-Ann Fabrics at the AMAs on Sunday night.

(Pics via Wenn)