Usually, if you find yourself wanting to whip out your wallet and buy something you saw on television, you might have your TV tuned to HSN or QVC. But Kaley Cuoco wanted to buy one of the horses she saw while watching the 2020 Olympic Summer Games in Tokyo. Although, unlike a classy pink moissanite tennis bracelet displaying stunning craftsmanship for four easy payments of $129.99, Kaley’s equine purchase wasn’t because she thought it was cute, or that she could get a good discount deal on a horse that failed to bring home a medal. Kaley wants to save the horse from any future punches, after watching the horse get punched on live television by a German coach.
As a figure skater, Johnny Weir not only does Johnny bring athleticism, grace, and strength to the arena, but he brings PAGEANTRY, HONEY! And with the 2020 Summer Olympics coming to an end, Johnny brought his signature glamour to the closing ceremonies. And of course, he shone brighter than the Olympic flame itself! His poise and glamor were too much for one hater, Jenna Ellis–who was one of the lawyers working for Donald Trump to push his election fraud conspiracy lies. Jenna may crave “Biblical masculinity” but what she got was a reading from the Book Of Weir, who told her in way too kind terms to fuck off.
Everyone with a functional sense of awe and appreciation for the heights an impeccably trained and talented human body can reach will feel at least a little selfishly deflated by the news that Simone Biles has withdrawn from Monday’s individual floor exercise final at the 2020 Tokyo Games, after having previously pulled out of both team events and the individual all-around. But there’s also a sense of relief that she is continuing to look out for her mental and physical health by not taking life-threatening risks, unless, of course, you’re the paragon of compassion that is Piers Morgan, who barfed up a stream of breathtaking wisdom wrapped in humanity, doused in heart and unicorn emojis, and tied in a candy-pink ribbon blessed by fasting monks on the waxing moon. Saturday Night Live’s Michael Che, who was also planning to take a swipe at Simone, later joked that his account had been hacked. Watching Simone slice, twist, and leap through the air while appearing to defy the laws of physics in this event is always a completely absorbing, jaw-dropping pleasure, but now I guess I’ll have to mine more athleticism from my own days by getting up off the couch to grab the remote five feet away instead of coaxing the dog to fetch it. Don’t judge! According to ESPN, there is still one more event, the balance beam final on Tuesday, and her participation has not yet been decided.
OK, Tokyo 2020 Olympics, you have our attention. Team USA’s Sunisa Lee won the gold medal in the individual all-around gymnastics final this morning! Suni, who is the first Hmong American to ever compete in the Olympics, became the fifth consecutive American woman to do so. And in the process, shut down a bunch of haters who were fussing about Simone Biles ruining things for everyone. Simone faced critical backlash when she decided to withdraw from competition for her mental well-being after experiencing “the twisties” during the team competition. So suck it America! But also, yay America!
More bad news for people who love to gasp in awe as Simone Biles does her thing 20 feet in the air while spinning at 20 miles per hour. After announcing she’d be withdrawing from team events, Simone Biles has just announced that she’s decided to put her mental health first, and withdraw from the individual all-around competition as well.
Simone Biles Withdrew From The 2020 Tokyo Games Women’s Team Gymnastics Final Citing Mental Health Concerns
Welp. There goes the only reason I was gonna ask my cousin for her Hulu with Live TV password. According to The Guardian, star American gymnast, Simone Biles withdrew from the Women’s Team competition at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics citing “mental health concerns.” As if we didn’t already know that having these games was a terrible idea based on the fact that the games being held in 2021 are still called the 2020 Games, presumably because they had already ordered the beer cozies. Between the pandemic and the beds by Office Depot, it’s no wonder these games are taking a psychological toll on athletes like Simone who has said that she was feeling the “weight of the world” on her shoulders.