Category: Frozen
Finnish Skier Remi Lindholm Suffered A Frozen Penis In An Olympic Race
Apparently a Winter Olympics is happening in Beijing, and on Saturday Russia’s Alexander Bolshunov won gold in the men’s 50km mass start cross-country skiing event. Except Alexander ain’t the one making headlines. Nope, that honor goes to Finnish skier Remi Lindholm, who captivated the world when he revealed that his penis froze during the race. Ahhh, NOW I have your attention!
“Richard Jewell” Flopped Hard At The Box Office
After all the controversy and talk surrounding Clint Eastwood‘s latest movie, Richard Jewell, it still tanked at the box office. That movie flopped harder than Charlie’s Angels! But you know what did not? Jumanji: The Next Level which is making so much money. You people love watching someone get lost in a board game, huh? Thank god, otherwise Dwayne Johnson would be broke this Christmas.
A Louisiana Judge Ruled Against Nick Loeb In His Frozen Embryo Custody Battle With Sofia Vergara
Finally, after putting Sofia Vergara through years and years of legal (and I’m sure emotional) turmoil over a couple of people-flavored ice cubes, a judge in Louisiana has dismissed Nick Loeb’s frozen embryo custody claims. The judge ruled in favor of Sofia who claimed that her ex-fiance Nick wouldn’t recognize a crawfish if it was living down the front of his pants because he never actually lived in Louisiana. Nick claimed to have moved there so that the frozen embryos he and Sofia made while they were together could live under the protection of Louisiana law, which probably would have let Emma and Isabella (yes, he named them) vote in the 2020 election if they could prove they wouldn’t melt into sludge the minute they got popped out of the ice tray.
The First Full Trailer For “Frozen 2” Is Here
Just when you finally got “Let It Go” unstuck out of your brain, Disney has dropped the first official trailer for Frozen 2. But don’t worry, there’s no “Let It Go” in this trailer. There is, however, plenty of ice, snow, and Elsa wearing what appears to be a tasteful mother-of-the-bride gown she found on sale at Macy’s. Meanwhile, Anna is in the same purple felt cardigan I had in the eight grade.
Sofia Vergara Wants Nick Loeb To Show Proof Of Residency In Louisiana For Their Frozen Embryo Case
Nick Loeb claims to live in Plaquemines Parish, Louisiana, a state where frozen embryos are given the same rights as fully formed human beings. Nick allegedly moved there so that his “babies” (whom he named Emma and Isabella) would be protected from his ex-fiance Sofia Vergara, who doesn’t want him to use the embryos they made together. They broke up over 3 years ago and she’s moved on. He will not. And they’ve been embroiled in a lawsuit over those popsicles ever since. Now, according to TMZ, Sofia has petitioned a judge to compel Nick to show proof that he’s actually living in Louisiana and developing a regional accent.
Elsa Might Get A Girlfriend In The “Frozen” Sequel
Is Let it Go from Frozen a gay anthem? According to a number of people the answer is “well duh”. I thought it was about pissing your pants but I’m very literal minded. Huffington Post reports that plenty of folks think Elsa, the icy snow queen voiced by Idkajhakd Mkjadjh (aka Idina Menzel), is a gayelle and are hoping to see her get some lady lovin’ in the form a a girlfriend in the upcoming sequel. Idina herself has said that she’s excited that people are discussing the possibility. And Frozen 2: Dendritic Crystal Bugaloo (working title) writer and co-director Jennifer Lee has coyly teased the idea as well.