Taco Bell is always cranking out ideas or shaking things up to get their loyal subjects hyped. Recently, it was the reversal of the highly-contested removal of the Mexican Pizza from the menu, ushered in by Doja Cat with an obnoxious jingle (though Saint Dolly Parton let everyone know she was Team Mexican Pizza first). Other masterful moves included making Lil’ Nas X their “Chief Impact Officer” and opening their own Tac-Ho-tel. America: hold on to your butts; butts: hold on to your holes; toilets: hold on to your hats (…lids), because Redditors recently discovered two new menu items that Taco Bell is experimenting with at one of its Irvine, California locations, and they both include enormous Cheez-Its.
Open Post: Hosted By One Taco Bell Fan’s Vow To Exercise Daily Until They Bring Back The Grilled Stuft Nacho
I’m gonna be honest. I’ve never had Taco Bell. Not once. I think they briefly opened a location in my hometown 20-ish years ago, but it was ultimately doomed (they stupidly set up shop in between a Tim Horton’s and McDonald’s… in small-town Ontario). But now I’m thinking I should try it out, because so many people go crazy for that shit! And not just disgusting schlubs like you and I; Taco Bell counts Doja Cat, Dolly Parton, and Lil Nas X as die-hard fans. The latest Taco Bell fan to go viral is San Francisco resident Chris Sandberg. People says that Chris missed the Grilled Stuft Nacho (a specialty item discontinued in 2015) so badly, that he vowed to exercise every single day until Taco Bell brought it back. That was back in January 2021. Since then Chris has lost 85 pounds.
The opportunities for catching something at Coachella are varied and plenty. And even if you weren’t there in person, you still might have caught the news that Taco Bell is finally bringing back my beloved Mexican Pizza. Yes, it’s incredible news, but Taco Bell is letting Doja Cat take all the credit for it, even though Dolly Parton did most of the heavy lifting (she’s got to hoist those puppies high just to get out of bed every morning, as physics demands). Dojo made the announcement that the Mexican Pizza will be returning to the TB menu next month, during her set at Coachella over the weekend. Look, I know Doja did a whole song about it, whereas Dolly barely mentioned her support in passing, but one word from Dolly’s lips is worth more than a million cheesy beef rhymes from Doja’s. But all’s well that ends well. Let Doja and Taco Bell have this one. Dolly doesn’t need to cheapen herself by pandering to brands, she’s cheap enough as it is!
Doja Cat is definitely a child of the Internet and she’s all about TikTok. HuffPo says that on TikTok, Doja shared a passionate jingle she wrote for Taco Bell’s currently-dead Mexican Pizza. Honestly, Doja could’ve just recorded herself farting into a microphone and that would’ve been a fitting tribute, but instead, she wrote lyrics and everything.
Dolly Parton’s little Moderna vaccine was cute and all, but if she can get Taco Bell to bring back my beloved Mexican Pizza, she can safely be named America’s Greatest citizen. Shortly after burying Paula Deen another six feet under the ground with the debut of her Southern-Style cake mixes for Duncan Hines, Dolly has come out as Pro-Mexican Pizza and says they should bring it back. You hear that Taco Bell?!? DOLLY SAID BRING IT BACK! I dare you to defy her or else she’s going to start her own fast-food chain called Dolly’s Mexican Pizza Only Fans and it will be over for you hos.
Cue up the impending hordes of Hangry hoes that will be ready to boycott Taco Bell because it’s about to go down very soon. And not because their food makes most people run past the border to the nearest bathroom they can find. This time it’s because Lil Nas X, AKA the walking middle finger for bigots and homophobes, is about to make a major move by becoming a Chief Impact Officer for the brand.