Category: Taco Bell
Open Post: Hosted By Taco Bell’s Snazzy New Touchless Drive-Thru
The bastion of innards-torching that is Taco Bell never stops innovating, whether they’re heartlessly dropping menu items, launching pop-up hotels, or cranking out highly lucrative hot-sauce packets minus the witty sayings we’ve all come to know and love. Their latest, nefarious plan to lure us all into mainlining even more Zantac is a new-and-improved design of the restaurant, which they’re calling the Taco Bell Defy. “Defy” quite aptly describes what all of our intestines do with the food once subjected to it, but according to Foodbeast, the marketing minds at Taco Bell HQ claim to be trying to make our fast-food lives easier, as well as more hygienic and streamlined with multiple lanes and a touchless drive-thru, among other forward-thinking touches. The prototype Defy will open in Minnesota in the summer of 2022.
Open Post: Hosted By The Ridiculously Expensive Taco Bell Hot Sauce Packets
Nobody can ever convince me that the people who go to Taco Bell aren’t a part of the world’s largest Nacho cheese worshiping cult. Because whenever that Dispensary of Diarrhea comes up with a devious way to get more cash their followers latch on with wide-eyed smiles and no questions asked. That kind of devotion should only be reserved for puppy dogs and porn stars, but alas the Taco Bell loyalist is a rare breed of insane. And apparently, there’s money in re-selling their hot sauce packets. You know, the shit you get for free when you go to EVERY location? Well online, you can make big bucks selling a few packets. Even as much as $25K.
Open Post: Hosted By The Triumphant Return Of Taco Bell Potatoes
The Year That Shall Not Be Named will go down in history for a lot of grim happenings, so it’s easy to forget the culinary cruelties that took place in the greater pandemic shuffle. Taco Bell‘s well-paid management somehow kept their mouths shut and didn’t lead the public’s grief-stricken outcry at the punishing eviction of items featuring potatoes from their menu. It doesn’t make sense, because potatoes are the Kumbaya of the food world, and the one thing that joins both vegans and meat-eaters in joyful, carb-loaded, non-judgmental bliss. Potatoes are the peacekeepers we need in these dark days!
Open Post: Hosted By The Untimely End Of Taco Bell’s Nachos Supreme (And 11 Other Items)
It’s been four long months since my last trip to my local Taco Bell, which is located inside a mall. And let’s face it – I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that (that, being venture inside of a mall in the middle of a pandemic). But when I (and my guts) get brave enough to return, the delicious n’ sloppy taste of the barfy-looking Nachos Supreme won’t be dancing atop my tongue. Allow yourself to dab at your tears with a crinkly brown paper napkin swiped from your last Taco Bell visit. For it’s a sad day. Taco Bell has just announced they’re cutting 12 menu items in an attempt to streamline the menu.
Taco Bell Is Going To Start Paying General Managers $100K A Year
Bloomberg reports that the corporation behind Taco Bell, Yum! Brands Inc., is going to start testing $100,000 salaries for general managers at “select restaurants in the U.S. Midwest and Northeast.” So if you’re a classist asshole and think you’re above someone working fast-food, know that they can probably now afford Disney+, Hulu, Amazon Prime, HBO Now, CBS All-Access AND Netflix unlike you!
Open Post: Hosted By The “Doorknob” A Woman Claims She Found In Her Taco Bell
Fox5NY says that Eve Saint of Fishkill, New York is not amused. First of all, the Taco Bell resort sold out in two minutes, so she can’t even fucking stay the night–she had to get an Airbnb in Palm Springs, and that’s so expensive. Then, when she was just trying to enjoy some late night nachos, she found a doorknob in her meal. Call 911, this is a crime! The only thing people are allowed to crack their tooth on at Taco Bell is a stale tortilla chip!