The vacant “whooshing” white noise you heard last night was Fred Savage’s new Fox show What Just Happened??! traveling through the airwaves and missing damn near every single antenna, fiber, cable, and internet tube that might have brought it into the homes of viewers. It tanked. Spectacularly. According to The Wrap, “a mere 809,000 total viewers watched” the season premier, and judging from the reactions it received on Twitter, none of those viewers liked what they saw.
Chris Pratt must have taken his BFF Rob Lowe by the elbow and whispered, “Listen dude, super sick hair, as always. But careful bro, your pretty privilege is showing.” Because Rob Lowe is walking back those comments he made last month in which he gagged like a disgusted middle school girl at the thought of Prince William’s lack of hair.
You’d think one the greatest traumatic moments of Rob Lowe’s life would be squandering his St. Elmo’s Fire fame by starring in the TV movie Square Dance as an intellectually challenged boy and getting universally panned, but it’s not. What really traumatized Rob was watching Prince William’s hair fall out. I guess there’s no age limit to being a vain, petty pretty-boy. According to Daily Mail, while promoting a new show on ITV where he plays an American cop in England, Rob was asked if he thought he was more or less vain than your average British man. Apparently, that delightfully shady question was just what was needed to get Rob to take the bait.
Lately, Rob Lowe has been proving himself rather adept at the art of the self-own. Last month when Elizabeth Warren announced her bid for Presidency, he took a break from eating his rice and tweeted that she “would bring a whole new meaning to Commander in “Chief”. He deleted that tweet after substantial backlash, but now another tone deaf “joke” has backfired on him. Rob appeared on the WTF Podcast with Marc Maron and complained that the sex he starred in with a 16-year-old girl, did nothing for his career. He said that if it had come out today, it might have been a career boon! I’m sorry Rob, did you just wake up from a two year nap?
There’s been a lot of coverage about the devastating mudslides that have plagued the town of Montecito in Santa Barbara County. One reason it’s been so much in the news is that there are a lot of famous celebrities who live there including Oprah, Ellen and last-name-needing Jeff Bridges.
If while flipping channels you’ve come across heave-inducing shows like Donnie Loves Jenny and another Duck Dynasty spin-off, and figured that A&E has run out of ideas and given up, think again, ho. A&E has given the people what we really need and want: a reality show where Rob Lowe and his sons travel the country investigating paranormal shit and unsolved mysteries. What they should’ve investigated is why A&E gave Rob Lowe a show about paranormal shit. Now that is an unsolved mystery that needs solving.